Awesome ginger. I’m glad your feeling better. I totally agree that as a female I want to be pursued and desired. It really is the secret to a guys success. Be vulnerable enough to let the girl know how much you like her and mean it and their actions need to show it. (Of course look out for guys that know that and exploit it )
Chronic Alcohol and Pot abuse decreases libido, so I’m sure that contributed to M”s indifference. My ex was empty and had no passion for anything. Only got excited if he was meeting up with friends (which always meant alcohol). It’s lonely being with someone like that for years and be glad he left you.
You have so much opportunity. This is a fun time in your life because of the potential. And because you can give yourself some self care. Whenever I went on OLD - I did feel nervous, but also went on feeling excited. I loved the idea of having a reason to dress up and flirt and meet up with someone. I loved the attention and I like to go out and socialize. I knew that the guys I went on dates with would end up liking me - because I know what’s out there and I had fun with keeping things light. Your certainly a lot more fun then I am, . So maybe if you reframe the way you view OLD you will feel more positive with it. And positivity begets positivity and I think positive people are attracted to that. Which is what you want. Just focus on giving yourself the time you need to get yourself feeling good. Exercise and hair cuts work wonders.
Great to hear you sounding so positive Ginger!!! You rock girl!!! I’ve been doing the gym thing too. The hardest part is getting there (I go at 5 a.m.) but I love how I feel afterward.
I get the feeling of losing out on a weekend. My kids’ friends live near me so they don’t tend to see them when they are at their dad’s. This means that when they get home, they are all about their friends...sleepovers, play dates. I try to host as much as possible and have spent more than a few nights hiding out in my room while my kids and their friends do the fun sleepover thing. They appreciate it though so it is worth it.
Work has been murder, I have been working late every night, had daughters holiday concert last night, had to sit next to and talk to the wifey. She was talking about how much she wanted to be Dorothy in her 3rd grade play and she was so mad when she didn’t get it. So they let her be the wicked witch and give the flowers to the director. I guess she always had to have her way and get what she wants. Then she was telling me about how she has solo’s in the church choir. I wanted to muzzle her.
I’m cranky as can be. It’s that time, I’ve been running around like crazy, working myself to death and I just want to punch someone for some reason. My aunt was admitted to my floor today but she wasn’t my patient, she was my partner in Crimes patient. My cousin was p!ssing pretty much everyone off. Her nurse, the aide ( who’s is my buddy) and even the cardiologist . It’s a hard place to be stuck in. Even though I had zero tome on my day to have lunch, I had lunch with my cousin and she’s totally stressed with trying to handle her mom. I feel for her. She has always been an abrasive person, but this obviously isn’t helping and I do feel for her.
I feel totally tapped out. My house looks like a tornado blew through and I wanted to clean tonight, but I can barely move.
Right now I would love to call up in some big burly man arms on the couch. But there ain’t none of that over here. I’ll have to settle for my pain on the butt dog.
Last edited by job; 12/07/1905:24 PM. Reason: edited language
D12 and I were watching 4 weddings today and there was a bacon bar. I said I wanted that for my 40th birthday party and we have 6 months to go! She says to me:
“Um, mom, the husband usually plans the 40th birthday party. How are you going to have one of you don’t have a husband to plan it for you?”
She’s right. Ouch. Unless I do it my self, Which isn’t going to happen. I planned my own (30th birthday night out in Atlantic City) who’s going to do it for me? Well, I’m surely not
It was a gut-punch of a reminder. I was thinking I might be with someone special by 40. And I really thought that I would be having a joint 40th with someone I loved.
I didn’t imagine getting getting divorced before 30. But I was. And I surely didn’t imagine being single at 40. But I will be.
I’m pretty sure there’s tons of married couples where the wife plans her own party!!! Why are you teaching her that you need a man to throw yourself a party?
I say, start planning now for a giant 40th bash! And definitely have a bacon bar (whatever that is lol).
My response to her was “I’ll throw my own party and have a bacon bar!”
But in my heart was the fact I have no desire to plan my own party. I hate party planning. I am bad at party planning . And yeah, it’s usually the spouse.
Once In my life someone through a party for me. It meant the world for me. When I was going away to college my friends through me a surprise party. I will never ever forget it. My dad was gone, my mom was spiraling down, I was barely getting through each day before I got out of the house and away to college. And I never felt so special in my life. They bought me stuff for my dorm. Got me a cake. And I remember my cousin was so grumpy and jealous because no one did that for her.
Honestly, I just want to go away. I want to be on an island with a frozen beverage in my hand. I wish I had the money to make that happen. I do have friends who would probably go with me. But it’s a rough tome of the year to make it happen though.
Every interaction with OW, I would just smile and remember that her Karma is having to live with your ex. A guy that puts someone else’s dog over her comfort, that is open to affairs if easy enough, and that did not give her a kid out of choice. Because he’s irresponsible and selfish.
Ginger, I’m someone that likes a partner too. I get it. I think you have gained so much more self respect through these last couple of encounters. Good for you for not replying! Why? Because it’s a waste of time. People reply to grandma’s, not men that have nothing to offer. You don’t have to be polite. You have to just negotiate better for yourself and not worry about being nice if it doesn’t serve you because nice is not respected it’s exploited. Let the guys do the chasing and they will once they sense that you have value. (Which we all know you do) You just sent out a great message by not responding “I am too important to waste time on someone that can’t give me what I deserve” save responses and attention for the men that deserve it.
Juju, you bring up a lot of good points as always. I like having a partner. I like having someone else plan something for me and making me feel special. I like spending time with someone else. It doesn’t mean I can’t be happy on my own, but I certainly prefer life with someone than without someone, all though oddly enough, I’ve been alone longer I’m my adult hood than I have been partnered.
When my lonely weekends come around and there is all this stuff I want to do experience and no one is available.... I say “I’ll just go do it on my own!” And the truth is, I’d be bored to death doing it on my own. A lot of stuff is not fun without a partner. Planning and throwing your own party stinks. And anyways, I don’t even have the funds to do it.
I also need to learn to negotiate for myself much better. I do think I’m making pretty good strides for it. I guess we will see how much better I am at it when I’m back to dating. But my BS tolerance is pretty low these days. I need a friggin man. One who is strong, cares about me, shows it and is as interested in me as I am in them. And simply is willing and excited to give as I am to give. I often think about the stupid little things I hung on to with M that I counted on to make myself feel secure and loved when I didn’t. Him simply writing a statement on a birthday card “I can’t wait to spend many more birthdays with you” I hung on to that. When he was planning things like my stupid shed as a future project, I hung on to that as he wanted to stay and loved me. I was a fool. I held on so hard and reassured myself so hard woth those little things, but I shouldn’t have needed to do that.
I had another hellish day at work today where I worked very hard and very long and I was very exhausted. My aunt is still there, my cousin is asking me to do things I have no control over and She’s not getting it. She is so stressed and overwhelmed, I get it. But she is a very rough customer and has been all her life.
My coworkers and I were discussing my one coworkers sister. Divorced, 36, 8 year old, can’t find a guy. We began talking about guys and their divorced father hood. I mentioned how I used to just want to date a dad but now I don’t want to date a guy who’s head is up his kid’s arses. Seriously. It sounds awful, but I’m sick of it. And I’m very close and involved in my daughters life, but M was so overwhelming with it. My one coworker pointed out it was all due to insecurity. It was sad. But it was true. And I’m sad he had to feel that way.
My pool of good men is narrowing. I’m so picky now, I want an involved dad but one with balance and comfortable in his parent role. Not easy to find.
I predict singledom for another 12 years, god help me.
