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Because WWs are fuching annoying little knats that will be buzzing around your head until you’re children are grown.

Right now you are not emotionally strong enough to handle it so put a stop to it now.

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Today I noticed she started to take down our wedding pictures. She has moved on.


So, you are still going in the house? Remember the long post about why you should stop going into the house? It tears you apart, and you set yourself up for all the cr@p she wants to throw at you about the kids or whatever. It's hard to feel sorry for someone who won't try to follow advice. How do expect to ever detach from all her drama?

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She is living life going out all the time and living it up. Again just aggravates me if she wanted a party life why get married??


See what I mean?

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I know LH I’m using logic and she is not, I could have been with so many other women and probably been really happy and still married. Instead I found the one who decided married life was not for her and she wants to be 21 again!!


Well.........doesn't sound as if you are being all that logical.

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Anyway, I knew eventually the wedding pictures would be coming down, we are not married, it just hurts!!


So, what's your next move? Are you going to continue to go over to her house, so you can look around? Your kids are plenty big enough to go out to the car when you pick them up.


It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
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Originally Posted by wolfman

I know LH I’m using logic and she is not, I could have been with so many other women and probably been really happy and still married. Instead I found the one who decided married life was not for her and she wants to be 21 again!!


I had the same conversation with my friend about this... reminiscing through all the girls we used to hang out with. Having read all the threads on here... odds are likely that someone else would have turned out the same :P At least that's my view of the world right now.

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Try to remember that you wouldn’t have your kids if you were never married to your W. Also did you maybe think quite possibly she’s doing you a favor?

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^^^^ This right here. Learned that lesson the hard way 3 GF's ago in my 20's before XW. Mom Dad and brother always said as a matter of loyalists, despite some of our petty divisions in family. "Don't love someone romantically who doesn't love you back. They did you a favor" They would always say. Took me a few tries to experience it to really understand that. Probably why even though in my posts I was spinning a bit for the last year because of attachment, but.. definately handling it and the whole D process a hell of a lot better than my first breakup. First breakup was nightmares, suck stomach, felt like somebody punched me, anxiety far worse then M D bomb last year. Only difference is. This person will never completely go away because of children, and the risks are far greater in dividing a family, CS, etc. So it takes longer to detach. But truthfully? Anyone. And I mean anyone that walks into my life romantically. Doesn't matter if its and ex or a future candidate. When people stay its because they want to, and when they go, its because they want to also. So take it for what it's worth. They are doing you a favor by cutting you loose so you don't have to be miserable with them for the rest of your life.

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Hi Wolf,

Actually for me myself, I feel my divorce will be a fact really soon when the papers are served. My wife told me that she deliberately held back the serving of the papers to December thus as it is the year end school holidays, it will cause lesser disruption for my kids for our relocation.

Sometimes I will look back and think, if given a chance to walk this path again and the outcome is similar, will I still marry my wife? The answer is yes, because of my 2 beautiful kids.

Till this point, I think that we just have to learn dropping the pain and be selfish, in the manner of self-heal. Apart from the kids and all, it's to start loving ourselves before others, then we are able to love other people in that way again. Until we can see our ex wife like a ex gf that you would be more ready.

Friends tried to cheer me up by telling me that I should start dating and they will help me to babysit my children. It's time to get a new girl. I told them nah I am not ready. Because I do not need a rebound which would be unfair to everyone and taking other party as a substitute or replacement. And Genuinely, I do feel scared and tired as well. If the next one would be similar crap ^_^!

So for now, focus on healing yourself. Focus on the positive gain out of this episode in your life. For now, I am looking at the new found freedom I will soon be having, to do what I'll want to do without being nag, no sudden emotional attack and probably one lesser "kid" to worry after in future ( At times, I felt the responsibility of taking care of 3 kids as my wife was like 1 as well)


M:38 W:38
T:14 M: 12
S:9 S:6
BD: 07/18
W Moved out: 5/19
W Moved in: 7/19
D draft received: 12/19
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What ToSmile says here resonates from a Man's perspective as well Wolf. About being solo, no longer being nagged, bothered with unrealistic demands and expectations, "IM NOT HAPPY!" (Well sweetheart that's not my responsibility. Its yours.) Finding yourself. Doing things on your own merit and independence without co dependency, avoiding rebounding, but still being social and getting to know new people and making new friends (If they and you are willing.) "As if the next one will be similar crap" (Because most men and women typically but not always, follow the same societal imperatives and narratives in general depending on where they are at, and how old they are in life from what I've observed in all this.) More emotional stability. (These sich's bring unwanted drama.) Feeling scared and tired. (Now is a good time to be alone to get your life right.) But I mean if you want some company, have some company. Just don't over promise or commit to something you know you can't deliver on. Looking at the XW as an EX GF as you detach and appreciate what they did offer you in your life rather than what they didn't. (Its a learning experience in a chapter of your life.) Its all true in a sense.

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Hey Wolf -

Sorry to hear you are still struggling. Accepting that your MR is over takes some of us a lot longer than others. In time, you will get there.

I would suggest that you not date. Not yet. You haven't fully grieved what you had. It is a step in the process that cannot be avoided, skipped, or ignored. Otherwise you will end up projecting all of the issues from your MR onto the new R, even though you may not see it right away. This will be very unhealthy for you, and I believe it will be even more difficult for you when you start to see those same problems surface in the new R.

I have few questions I have been asking myself since all this happened. These questions may help you as well -

"Who am I, really?"
"What makes me the individual I am?"
"What do I want out of life?"

And the most important question...

"What am I supposed to be learning from all this?"

Hope some of these help.

Keep strong, man. Take care smile

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All good points IW. Never make the same mistakes twice, learn and grow, and take the time to figure out what you want. Time is precious

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Thank you everyone for your comments and responses. Haven’t been on in a while. Just been busy. So i decided to go away for thanksgiving. I needed a break from living at home with my handicapped mom, from the ex and just time for me. I have to laugh the other day at 7pm I got a call from my ex. I did not answer it. Then she has my d call. I did not answer it. That is her thing now, when I don’t answer she has my d call me. So I waited 10 minutes and called my d back. My d asked if I was in the house at some time today. I said absolutely not, why? She said when they got home the back door was open and the alarm was going off. She said mom doesn’t know what to do. I said tell mom to call the cops and have them check the house. I said let me know what happens when the cops get there. She said ok.

It’s just funny, anytime something goes down I am the first person she calls. I am not her husband anymore, I am not going to run for her anymore. And realistically if I was there I would have called the cops too. What does she want me to go running into a house when there could be someone with a gun or strung out on drugs? NOPE!!

On a different note I found a house 10 minutes from the kids that I can actually afford and isn’t in bad shape. So I am excited about that!! Hopefully everything with that goes smoothly!!

I’m not going to lie I am going to miss my kids for thanksgiving but I need time away and alone. I will say it amazes me how it seems like nothing phases my ex. If it does, man she is good at hiding it. Honestly it hurts hearing all my workers talk about thanksgiving and how many people they will have over. I know I decided to go away but what was the alternative. Staying at my moms house with her aid and having the kids over for a couple of hours. That’s not a thanksgiving, and I feel bad for my kids then. I guess this is all part of the process. I will be strong and I will make it through the holidays. But they certainly won’t be the same!!!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYONE!!!


M:42 XW:41
T:19 M: 15
D:13 S:10
BD: 8/10/18
Moved out: 8/18
Moved in: 9/18/18
Moved out: 4/22/19
D papers signed 11/4/19
D final 3/18/20
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