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Re: Running out of time ... one month left! (part 2) [Re: Augusto] #2873314
11/25/19 08:13 PM
11/25/19 08:13 PM
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Originally Posted by Augusto
She also told me it was OK if I wanted to have the kids over Christmas break (their cousins are visiting) and since I'm getting Disney passes that I can take the kids to the parks even this weekend (supposedly her weekend with them) if I wanted to.
Hopefully you have this in writing (email or text). I would confirm with an email, and be fair with offering splitting the break with W. At some point you have to make a decision on what parenting arrangements are best for your children. I believe 50/50 is best unless one of the parents is being extremely irresponsible. Professionals are better at making that decision than the spouse. They can use your input though.


"What is best for my kids is best for me"
Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Re: Running out of time ... one month left! (part 2) [Re: Augusto] #2873317
11/25/19 08:18 PM
11/25/19 08:18 PM
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Originally Posted by Augusto
but really weird that she's saying all of this. I also can't believe it's so easy for her to not spend the holidays with our kids. That's never happened before .... am I reading too much into this?
Trust your gut feeling.

Her attention is elsewhere. Don't take it personally. Take actions.





"What is best for my kids is best for me"
Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Re: Running out of time ... one month left! (part 2) [Re: Augusto] #2873647
11/27/19 10:23 PM
11/27/19 10:23 PM
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Finally got Disney annual passes. Got them for everybody but W. D18 kind of wanted me to get some for her mom, but understands that's not possible right now.

As we were leaving, W was ok, but she started texting me about splitting the cell phone bill. I asked her to please let me enjoy the day with the kids and not text me anything about the D at least for the day.

We had a great time, spent all of our time in the new Star Wars land, didn't do any rides. Tried the drinks in the cantina, the stores, etc.I sent W pictures of the kids through the day. No responses at all.

When we got home, she looked like she was in a bad mood. Told D5 to take a bath and she told her she wanted to take it with me. D16 needed to go to a friend's house but didn't want her mom to drive her. My W didn't even ask the kids if they enjoyed Disney. Was all weird.

When I get back, W throws D5's blanket in my bed. I think D5 told her she wanted to hang out with me, and she was a bit upset at that.

W stayed up pretty late at night, just there. Looked sad/depressed. When I got out of my room, she was sitting in the sofa, crying and playing with one of those sand relaxation boxes ... raking lines in the sand and just looking like a zombie. I made the mistake of asking her if she was ok, several times. She just told me "I don't want to talk to you". I'm pretty worried about her mental state. He moods change pretty quickly, and there's no way to know why ... something I did, something that's happening to her ... no idea. Very frustrating, but nothing I can do about it.

Re: Running out of time ... one month left! (part 2) [Re: Augusto] #2873654
11/27/19 10:43 PM
11/27/19 10:43 PM
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Originally Posted by Augusto
As we were leaving, W was ok, but she started texting me about splitting the cell phone bill. I asked her to please let me enjoy the day with the kids and not text me anything about the D at least for the day.


For about 2 months after BD, my wife was constantly texting things that we needed to split up. it always seemed to come at the most inopportune times and would just feel like a dagger in my heart each time. Then you know what -- I finally took initiative on MY side and eventually we finally had everything split and it ended. It has been the most freeing feeling.

Has your W not made any more initiatives on moving out? Once she moves out and takes all of her stuff with her it feels absolutely terrible.. But then you know what, you get to the other side and find that's not so bad either.

None of these things are guaranteeing you won't have a R in the future. Not even a divorce guarantees that. In all honesty -- as bad off as your W sounds right now, a true physical separation is what needs to happen now both for your sanity and hers.

I feel so free in my singleness. She moved out mid September. Who knows -- she may want to have a R with me in the future, and she might not. Just over 3 months post BD and I'm fine with whichever way this goes.. You will get there too.

Last edited by NewLife3; 11/27/19 10:44 PM.
Re: Running out of time ... one month left! (part 2) [Re: Augusto] #2873657
11/27/19 10:54 PM
11/27/19 10:54 PM
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Quote
I asked her to please let me enjoy the day with the kids and not text me anything about the D at least for the day.

Awesome job. That day was about you and the children not your W and that is the way it should be.

Quote
Told D5 to take a bath and she told her she wanted to take it with me. I think D5 told her she wanted to hang out with me,

D5 will quickly understand who is emotionally attached to her and will look to you for support and love more and more. Unfortunately, this is likely to anger your W since it isn't about her.

Quote
D16 needed to go to a friend's house but didn't want her mom to drive her.

As you listen and validate D16 she will most likely come to you a lot more with things like this. Be her rock while she navigates this roller coaster with her mom.

Quote
I made the mistake of asking her if she was ok, several times. She just told me "I don't want to talk to you". I'm pretty worried about her mental state. He moods change pretty quickly, and there's no way to know why ... something I did, something that's happening to her ... no idea. Very frustrating, but nothing I can do about it.


Well at least you see what your mistake was. Easier said than done but stop worrying about her so much. You understand from reading all the sitch's on this board that her moods will change on a dime and it isn't about you it is about her. Is it something you did, of course it is in her mind, you just went and had a wonderful time with the children instead of sitting depressed wondering if she was thinking about you. Enjoy life with your children they need you right now and if W doesn't like it she can either reconnect and join the family or she can leave and hold on to whatever is troubling her.


1st BD December 26, 2008
PA admitted to by XW December 29, 2008

2nd BD May 23, 2019
Daughter confirms EA
Divorce Finalized July 18, 2019
Re: Running out of time ... one month left! (part 2) [Re: Augusto] #2873668
11/27/19 11:45 PM
11/27/19 11:45 PM
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Originally Posted by Augusto
I sent W pictures of the kids through the day. No responses at all.
Did she ask for you to do this? If not, I would strongly consider not sending photos of kids while they are with you.


"What is best for my kids is best for me"
Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Re: Running out of time ... one month left! (part 2) [Re: Ready2Change] #2873722
11/28/19 07:33 AM
11/28/19 07:33 AM
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Originally Posted by Ready2Change
Originally Posted by Augusto
I sent W pictures of the kids through the day. No responses at all.
Did she ask for you to do this? If not, I would strongly consider not sending photos of kids while they are with you.


No. She has asked before, but she didn't specifically this time. I honestly thought she'd like them, sometimes she says thanks or something else. This time she didn't respond, and you're probably right ...

Re: Running out of time ... one month left! (part 2) [Re: Augusto] #2873770
11/28/19 08:08 PM
11/28/19 08:08 PM
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So today I stay with girls and go to a mutual friends house for thanksgiving, which is where we usually would spend the holiday. My W left at 10am, as I was taking D16 with me to Church. So she left D13 watching over D5.

I can’t believe how she can just leave like that, this is the first Thanksgiving ever we’re not together, first she’ll be without the kids. And she’s probably going to spend it with another family!

She texted me today to ask me if I was taking kids to Disney this Saturday. This is supposed to be her “weekend” with them, but she’s wants an answer to probably plan her Saturday. Again, she seems eager to be away from her family and it breaks my heart. Like it’s not enough to just reject me, it’s worse ...

Re: Running out of time ... one month left! (part 2) [Re: Augusto] #2873776
11/28/19 09:31 PM
11/28/19 09:31 PM
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BTW - Happy Thanksgiving to all of you.

I'm super thankful to God for this community, the support and advise you guys give keeps me sane and has helped tremendously in this difficult journey. This is what God intended us to be, loving and helping others, showing empathy, doing what we can for those who need help ... please know that your advise and support is super valued and appreciated ... even though when we're hard headed and we don't follow the advise given.

Now I finally understand why people say holidays are a though time for them, it's my turn, but I'm growing closer and closer to my children ... making up lost time, I'm changing, learning new things and being more self sufficient. I don't think God intends for me to be divorced, but I know He is making me grow through this trial, and I intend to not waste that opportunity.

Thank you all.

Re: Running out of time ... one month left! (part 2) [Re: Augusto] #2873899
11/29/19 09:27 PM
11/29/19 09:27 PM
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Lots going on but need some advise here. Kids want to go to Disney tomorrow, it’s my W weekend to be with them, but she’s encouraging me to take them. Keeps asking so she can plan her day. I rather take kids and have more time with each them , but also feel a bit being taken advantage of, and that I’m enabling whatever it is she rather send time on ...

Thoughts?

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