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A Message from Michele
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Re: My Story 3 [Re: phnix] #2873189
11/25/19 01:09 AM
11/25/19 01:09 AM
Joined: Jul 2019
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DS9 Offline
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Hey BB,

Sorry you're going through all this mate. I'm not up to speed with your entire sitch, but could it be time to take legal action to get her out of the house? Is the house in joint names? Who is ultimately wanting the house in the divorce split? If your W doesnt want the house, then can you initiate the asset split and get her out that way. If you dont do something soon, status quo will set in and it'll become harder

I really feel for you being in the same house mate - it gets so toxic, doesnt it. I left my place after 2 months as I couldnt handle it, but, I didnt want the house in the split, told XW that, then left. She stayed in it, and is there still.

About gaining respect, read Robx from about 10 years ago. He gives a roadmap.

Good luck


Me: early 40's
XW: nearly 50
T: 15
M: 5
BD: Jan 19
S:10 SS: 22 SD: 24
Re: My Story 3 [Re: phnix] #2873190
11/25/19 01:14 AM
11/25/19 01:14 AM
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 3,875
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LH19 Offline
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Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 3,875
B,

Thatís my point though you keep stating it she keeps breaking it and the you keep telling her she needs to leave and she doesnít. That makes the boundary useless.


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

ďDon't chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people - the ones who really belong in your life - will come to you and stay.Ē- Will Smith
Re: My Story 3 [Re: phnix] #2873192
11/25/19 01:31 AM
11/25/19 01:31 AM
Joined: Aug 2019
Posts: 270
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phnix Offline OP
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phnix  Offline OP
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Posts: 270
Our house is in both of our names. She claims she will do everything 50/50. I told her I would live in the house until we sold it. She doesnít want divorce. She wants to live in Limbo until she figures out what she wants to do. She mentioned giving me an answer in January but Iím sure that would turn into June before itís all said and done.

My family feels like I should pray about it and just love her. My lawyer thinks I should just let her stay in the house and get out 50/50 while I am ahead. He thinks this is the best deal.

Re: My Story 3 [Re: phnix] #2873193
11/25/19 01:48 AM
11/25/19 01:48 AM
Joined: Jul 2019
Posts: 417
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DS9 Offline
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Ok, so it sounds like neither wants it, but wish to sell and split the proceeds? Am I right?

So is the house for sale? If not, speak to your L about getting it done. Give W a panel of 3 agents and she chooses 1, within 7 days. If she doesnt choose, you choose. If she doesn't sign the agent appointment, take legal action to force the sale.

Is the mortgage in joint names?

What does 'get out 50/50 while I am ahead' mean?

You can keep praying and loving her, but the limbo will eat away at you like cancer and you will be a shell of a man.

If the house is being sold, then look at your options for moving out in the meantime, with W paying the mortgage till its sold.

Not sure how it works in the USA, but surely you can come up with some sort of binding agreement/order that spells all this out and gives the roadmap of who does what/lives where pending the sale. Work on it with your lawyer and hand it to her once done. Once all is binding, then take steps to either move out, she moves out or whatever.

If she refuses to sign agreement/move forward etc, then speak to your L about initiating legal proceedings. Please note I'm in Oz so you'll need to bear in mind we may do things differently here.

Just get it listed for sale.

Chin up mate. Cheers, DS


Me: early 40's
XW: nearly 50
T: 15
M: 5
BD: Jan 19
S:10 SS: 22 SD: 24
Re: My Story 3 [Re: phnix] #2873198
11/25/19 02:17 AM
11/25/19 02:17 AM
Joined: Aug 2019
Posts: 270
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phnix Offline OP
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phnix  Offline OP
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The point is she doesnít want a divorce. She says she canít imagine divorcing me. However, she also says she canít imagine ever not speaking to the OM again. She doesnít want to sell the house right now.

What will eventually have to happen is I will have to file and she will have to come to the table to come up with our agreements. She is so wayward that I canít hardly talk to her without being mean or getting into a shouting match. This is what it has come too.

Re: My Story 3 [Re: phnix] #2873199
11/25/19 02:27 AM
11/25/19 02:27 AM
Joined: Jul 2019
Posts: 417
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DS9 Offline
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Oh man, how do you feel about this BB? Are you prepared to keep getting hammered by her, under the guise that she doenst want to divorce you, therefore presumably giving false hope to you? Remmeber the advice here - believe nothing that they say!

How much more can you tolerate before you eventually file for divorce? Don't you want to sell the house?

Did you read Robx's thread? You have to read it, ok.


Me: early 40's
XW: nearly 50
T: 15
M: 5
BD: Jan 19
S:10 SS: 22 SD: 24
Re: My Story 3 [Re: phnix] #2873207
11/25/19 04:30 AM
11/25/19 04:30 AM
Joined: Aug 2019
Posts: 270
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phnix Offline OP
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I think it may be my competitive nature. I know she will not leave me or divorce me so Iím deciding to wait this out. Iíve contacted a lawyer and paid the retainer. She knows I do not agree with this relationship. She knows that our family is most important.

She will have to take another job and we have discussed moving away and starting a new life in a different town. I guess it could always be worse. If she was mean and hateful then I would already have filed. She has no future with this guy and she is only holding onto pure fantasy. Heck she wonít even go out in public right now because she is ashamed and embarrassed. She has been isolated by all of her family and has nobody to turn to for support.

In time I believe she will get through this and realize what it has potentially cost her. I have been praying and I know that God has a plan for me in all of this. As long as she is honest with me then we can move forward. That honesty may lead us to divorce or it may lead us to a better relationship. All I know for certain is that we are a long way from starting over. This is what it will take. Starting over and learning to love each other again.

Eventually she will have to come to terms with her actions and take responsibility for her choices.
I can not find robxs post. Site only allows me to search past 3 months.

Last edited by bballer1; 11/25/19 04:32 AM.
Re: My Story 3 [Re: phnix] #2873212
11/25/19 06:06 AM
11/25/19 06:06 AM
Joined: Sep 2019
Posts: 138
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LovingIt Offline
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Here's robx user posts: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=userposts&id=23276

I used a Google search instead with 'robx divorcebusting' as search parameters.

I'm in a similar situation with limbo, so curious to read it myself.

Re: My Story 3 [Re: phnix] #2873215
11/25/19 06:49 AM
11/25/19 06:49 AM
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 3,875
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LH19 Offline
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B,

I am sorry but she is not the only one living in pure fantasy.


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

ďDon't chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people - the ones who really belong in your life - will come to you and stay.Ē- Will Smith
Re: My Story 3 [Re: phnix] #2873224
11/25/19 12:55 PM
11/25/19 12:55 PM
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,139
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Vapo Offline
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Posts: 1,139
DS9, you are totally off course with your remarks. One cannot force one's spouse out of the marital home. What in the world gave you that idea?!? Stating that boundary and then (obviously) not being able to enforce it, makes you look weak. Baller, your talk of respect is also weak. You cannot command her what she does or what she does not do. You cn only control yourself. Take that into consideration, when you are planning your actions.

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