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ballast Offline OP
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Alright so it has been a ridiculously long time since I've been on here! I'm long since past my D and now going through a "space" need with my GF of over a year. I came back here as so much of what I went through and learned back then is still applicable now. What really amazes me with the passage of time is how much and how helpful so much of what I learned back then I recall like it was yesterday. And so much of it provides me great comfort and reinforcement in my current dealings in the dating world. Just couldn't resist posting a hello message and to all of those in the depths of bomb drops, WW's and the constant struggle of a loss of control and your world turned upside down, I'm living proof out of the tunnel at the other side that you can and will make it through.

-ballast


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Originally Posted by ballast
Alright so it has been a ridiculously long time since I've been on here! I'm long since past my D and now going through a "space" need with my GF of over a year. I came back here as so much of what I went through and learned back then is still applicable now. What really amazes me with the passage of time is how much and how helpful so much of what I learned back then I recall like it was yesterday. And so much of it provides me great comfort and reinforcement in my current dealings in the dating world. Just couldn't resist posting a hello message and to all of those in the depths of bomb drops, WW's and the constant struggle of a loss of control and your world turned upside down, I'm living proof out of the tunnel at the other side that you can and will make it through.-ballast

Yo B so you are saying you need space from your girlfriend?

Is this the same one that had an inappropriate with another woman?

How is your exw doing?

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ballast Offline OP
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Hey LH! Good to see a familiar vet still on here!

So no this is not the same GF. That GF decided to break up with me on Easter Sunday morning. LOL I mean who does that? 😂. Could feel that one coming, but she went back to her ex. The one she called “old fat guy” who would sit and text with his ex-GF’s while they watched TV. Bullet dodged!

The space is for my GF who I’ve been seeing for the last year. She has been fantastic since we met up to and including a week long vacation we took together. BUT I had noticed a change in her texts for about 2 weeks. It was subtle but she stopped with the lovey dovey names to me, stopped saying I’ll be home and just in general less excited. EVERY thing else stayed the same. She cooked, laundry, talking in person, sex was amazing, no bitchiness/fighting. I told my buddies and counselor my spidey sense felt something but they all say no she loves you. Well Sunday she came up for the talk. I told her I was expecting it.

I think she’s scared. She has a history of male figures in her life leaving or dying. She also has a very hectic job and some other things she’s never fully addressed. Could there be an OM, sure but none of the other clues are there. No guarding the phone either. Anyway she asked for some space and so I’m giving it to her. Don’t know how it will go, but I’m settled on how I approach whatever she decides. If she wants to leave, best of luck and I’ll move along to someone new and if she wants to stay together I have a list of a few things that would have to happen for me to agree to it. As I say she’s been fantastic to me and even in this has been as well so I’m dealing with walk away and not WW. If there is another guy then I’d default be done. Anyway re-reading my history, man I’m blown away by the quality of the advice I got. Was hard I guess before D and being in the tunnel to really grasp it but coming back now, it really hits me the quality of help I got here.

As for ExW, amazingly we are good. Haven’t seen her in years and only earlier this year did we talk on the phone for the first time. We continue via text and email for issues regarding D and to date it’s been working well. She has a new long term guy and I’ve had my GF so all in all everything is fine on that front.

Hope all is well for you LH!

-ballast


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Quote
I had noticed a change in her texts for about 2 weeks. It was subtle but she stopped with the lovey dovey names to me, stopped saying I’ll be home and just in general less excited. EVERY thing else stayed the same. She cooked, laundry, talking in person, sex was amazing, no bitchiness/fighting.


So you were living together even though you'd only been dating a year? Or was she just spending a lot of time at your place and calling it "home"?

As for the "no other man" - I wouldn't be so sure. She could be communicating with an ex-boyfriend on FB and you'd never know, right?

Was the vacation recent? If so, maybe she was waiting until after the vacation, or maybe the vacation clarified her thinking?

Now - if her request for "more space" was accompanied by some actionable complaints: you drink too much, she's tired of cooking and doing laundry for you, or other such things - then maybe it's as simple as that. If it's really because she's "used to men leaving" - she may not be someone who can be happy with a stable relationship, because there's not enough of the DRAMA that she grew up with and associates with "true love".

Any which way - unless there's something she made clear to you that YOU were doing that was a problem (and not stupid excuses like walked too heavy or paid someone else $30 to do the yard) - you're probably better off moving on. Who wants to be with someone who is second guessing their choice this early on? I want to be with someone who thinks they're lucky to have me.

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Kml,

Yes we had been living together and after our discussion she moved out with all of her things.

As I say I’m not sure about there not being another man. And if there is/was I’d be done and she knows this. How will I know..good question. Im simply saying there are no other signs and her hectic career and desire to work even more than she does now have always been an issue. Honestly while I’m respecting and leaving her be I’m posturing my expectation on there being some one else.

One week beach vacation was recent and we were fantastic throughout. No fighting, distance, bitxhiness, sex was amazing. Anything is possible.

No complaints about me. Going back to her work schedule, said it was unfair to me that she couldn’t give me more time. Though I have enjoyed the free time to spend with friends, pursue my guitar playing and lessons. Again could be cover for another man. Who knows.

I have no rush to be anything but BF GF and you may be right but if she did honestly just need some time to address some things, after how wonderful she’s been to date I don’t see the harm. If she wants us to continue it will be made clear that this space is a one time only event. I won’t do another. Also if this space goes on with no updates one way or the other, I will also be done. I’m totally at peace with saying goodbye to her and letting her go but given our history together I’m ok with given her the space and seeing what happens.


Me:34 W:40
D1:4
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BD:3/18
D Final: 6/19
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B,

Living together within a year might have made her want to slow things down.

I think you’re handling it beautifully. Give her time and space.

I’m impressed.

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LH,

She had said to me she wasn’t ready for marriage. To which I said “good because I had no intention of proposing unless/until we had talked it through when if the time came. She’s easily a 60+ hours a week worker but see living together and me having D makes it feel like she’s married. She gets guilty feeling she should be home but at the same time her work demands are there. Her moving into her own place might help relieve that pressure she feels. As I say I’m good with BF and GF and seeing each other here and there. Dang sure I’m no rush for marriage again.

Again maybe there’s someone else, I told her when we first started dating that was my hard boundary, do that and I’m done and won’t look back. Even when she asked for space she even asked if that would mean I’d never speak to her again. I said this is not the same as that. She repeatedly said she loves me and she has contacted me by text twice since then. Bottom line I’m doing exactly totally detached, having fun with D and ready to get back into the dating game if she decides to end us. She knows I’m a great man and says she loves me. Ultimately her decision. As I say she’s been amazing to this point.

Time will tell.


Me:34 W:40
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D Final: 6/19
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Whose idea was it to live together in the first place? And how long had you been dating before that happened?

Would you be happy with the relationship if it was just a dating relationship with weekend sleepovers?

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(And btw I found it kinda weird that you mentioned her cooking and doing laundry - if she's working 60 hours a week why aren't you taking care of those things???)

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ballast Offline OP
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It was a mutual decision after about 2 1/2 months. And yes staying BF/GF and seeing each other on weekends, a date night here and there I’d be happy with. We both enjoyed that dynamic when we first started dating.

Mentioning those was not to imply she solely did those things in the house. Rather that there was no pullback from her doing them as well while her texts seemed to change. She has always seen doing those as taking care of her man AND she has specific ways for washing some of her things so she just did them. For sure I cooked, cleaned and helped with the laundry throughout. We have always been a team and great when it came to household duties.


Me:34 W:40
D1:4
M:7 T:8
BD:3/18
D Final: 6/19
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