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LH,

Yep, I've already been thinking about that.

Right now I'd say I haven't because even though I am aware of the book and think about our relationship in regards to it, I don't think that she has ever done the same thing in a prior relationship. Like some folks have said on here, as a result of our BD/D, most of us have become way more attuned to these types of introspections than perhaps our new girl/boy friends have. I just don't want to get us too deep too fast.

I hope to over time that she and I will talk more about our needs/wants/etc as we go along and as we do I hope to bring up the love languages topic/book more naturally.


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Read the Five Love Languages by Chapman to figure this out. Obviously one of her Love Languages is Physical Touch.

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FWIW...I just realized that my 2 year BD came and went and I didn't even remember it. Really happy about that!

-B


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Alright so...been some time since I last posted, but I'm in need of opinions/advice. GF and I to date are 7+ months together, happy best I know, but Saturday night something came up that I'm not 100% sure how I feel about it.

We went to a same sex marriage celebration party for two ladies we know. My GF's mom has a same sex partner and so I've met a large number of ladies who are all friends and were there at the party. I'm totally cool with same sex marriage/partnership/ and all of these ladies are super nice and friendly. So basically what I found myself at was a large group of ladies partying with myself and one other guy. Soon after the party started two ladies my GF's age showed up and from that point forward for the most part she pretty much hung out with them and I felt myself ghosted. As it was ladies partying I kinda just appreciated that they were all having a good time and I was just chilled out relaxing.

A bit of time goes by and then my GF comes to me to say that this party is likely to go on all night long. I could go back home if I wanted to, but she didn't want me to. I was kinda taken aback by this as it was news to me and that I would likely be going home alone while she stayed to party. The ladies were getting drunk, dancing, all the usual stuff. Anyway, since I was feeilng this was a girl's party, I told everyone goodbye and proceeded to walk out the door. I was a bit p'd off to say the least. The other two ladies she had been with passed me at the door on my way out. Anyway I go home. No text/phone/anything from GF until 10am the next day. Told her to call me and I'll come pick her up. She had ended up staying at the apt of the 2 ladies. Now one of those is "like a sister" to her and the other lady is enaged to be married in a same sex service coming up.

About an hour later she returns to the house with the "like a sister" lady. GF begins to say sorry BUT then shows me a hickey on her neck. Apparently the engaged lady gave it to her. Once her "sister" friend left, I told her flat out "I don't like that AT ALL", said that if it had been me and I was out all night long and returned with something like that on my neck she would be p'd off about it and we'd likely be split. I told her very clearly how I felt about it CALMLY but with no room for confusion.

Meh...I think this is more a drunk think, but to me that is no excuse and it's disrespectful from her. To give a hicky takes some time, it's not just a peck on the cheek. DId they kiss, she stayed at their apt...anything else happen that I don't know about. Lest we forget the whole corona issue AND that the other lady is supposedly engaged...would her fiancee be happy to know that happened. Bottom line I did not even touch her the rest of the day. I'm repulsed to see a hicky on her neck from someone other than me. I gave her no kisses, nor ILY or anything. The more I think about it, the more p'd I get. Thing is AM I BEING STUPID ABOUT IT? She says she's not bi and I believe her to the extent I know, but allowing someone else to do that to her man or woman just seems like she broke some trust between us.

What say the rest of you on this...I have value and boundaries and I'm not gonna tolerate being disrespected, but is this something that warrants being upset about? I don't want to overreact and for sure won't, but like I say I'm not happy. She tried to engage with me physically last night, but I just was not into her at all given what happened.

-B


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let's forget gender: she went to a party, spent the night at someone else's home and came back with of all things a hickey.

I'd have a problem with that.


M 20+ T25+
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I totally agree with bttrfly. BIG RED FLAG. I don't think her behavior will change although she may hide it from you for awhile.

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Agree with bttrfly and doodler.....not good. Gender is irrelevant.


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B

I’m sorry you are going through this right now.

I think I’m a little bit more open in this area then most here so I’ll tell you what I would do. Talk to her and tell her how you feel about it. If her being with a woman is a deal breaker for you then break up with her. If not then tell her your expectations moving forward.

I’m a betting man and I would wager that this isn’t her first rodeo and she likes her some lady parts.

You have some thinking to do.

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thank you all for your comments. I don't want to overreact to this event, but at the same time I need to be sure that I explain to her how I feel this was disrespectful to me, harmful to the trust in our relationship and hurtful. In the 7 months we've been together I've known she has many same sex friends and family and not once to date has she been with any of them in a situation like this past weekend. She's told me she is not bi, this was like a bachelorette party and so some things went on. Maybe the only thing that happened was the hickey, but the reality is I don't know and that not knowing along with that mark on her neck is really bothering me. It's like we had a sanctity in that my body was for her alone and her's was for me alone, for that to be not the case now...visibly...albeit perhaps minimally really having a hard time with that.

Irrespective of the details, the facts are the facts as you all point out and she and I are going to have to talk more about it and I'm going to need to share what's still bothering me about what happened. I'm a big guy and I know I'm high value and there are other's in the sea so to speak, but I'm feeling hurt, betrayed and blindsided right now.

-B


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B,

If that is your plan then make it concise and state your expectations moving forward then move on. Don’t act but hurt about and passive aggressive about it.

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