I had one question for you guys and it came from my therapist - when you are dating someone else, your self improvement works comes to almost a halt. Do you guys agree?
I totally agree. XW and I always told one another that in a sense when we both individually did the most growing is when we were single before we met each other. We both said we stopped growing when we starting dating. Fill the void with the right things this time for the right reasons. I understand the itch to put another person in your life to fill that void. I've done that most of my life and went right out into the dating market too, only to remove myself from it as well because I just couldn't put that burdeon on someone else and really wanted to work on myself for once in my life. Took me a year of loneliness isolation and introspection, but its paying off a thousand fold in realizations.
Silly question? Can you assign a different meaning or thought to the fact that W is online dating? We all know what it means FOR RIGHT NOW. She probably wants to be social. Find a compatibility partner, maybe sleep with a few people, have different experiences and conversations. Have freedom. Etc... How does that make you feel? Probably pi$$ed I bet. Betrayed, etc.. Let me ask you this? How is that helping you heal or grow? What is it going to take for you to get to a place to say? "You know what? Good for her. I hope she's happy and having a good time" We can't control life, we can't control other people, their thoughts their morals their principles, their habits and their actions their mindsets and their words. You know what we can control? All of the above for ourselves and how we think about them and what meaning we assign to them. Do you want to keep thinking reactive or proactive? Keep building you.
Woke up today to a friend's text informing me my W has entered the world of online dating.
Bless her heart, she's about to find out the grass isn't greener on the other side, it's old and brown and dried out and crusty This is the perfect time for you to be the better option. Keep up your GAL and work on that independence some more. Let her look over her shoulder and see a strong, confident man the likes of which she will NEVER find on Tinder or wherever.
I can assign a different meaning - she needs to get out more. I actually told her that if she'd loosen her grip on the kids, she'd have more time to go out with whomever. I realize I can't control her or her actions.
I have no idea what it's going to take to get to that place - maybe I should keep saying it until I believe it.
This statment resonated with me: "Took me a year of loneliness isolation and introspection, but its paying off a thousand fold in realizations."
I need to do more as to understanding the man I wanna be and the woman I really want.
Keep plugging away, you will get there. Eventually you will get to a place where you will realize that life is going to be great either way. Most of the time the journey to get there [censored], but the payoff is beyond worthwhile.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
This is the perfect time for you to be the better option. Keep up your GAL and work on that independence some more. Let her look over her shoulder and see a strong, confident man the likes of which she will NEVER find on Tinder or wherever.