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Working on my financial affidavit this weekend.

Wife texted me today and let the dog out at my place (thinking I am going to have to part ways w the dog after the D) . Wife said on a group text to me and the kids - hey, hope youre having a good day. I took two of your caramels. I'm not sorry and I would do it again. smile

Texted back that I remembered they were her favorite (and they became mine too).

Probably one of the more nice texts from her in months, but I didn't start blowing up her phone. Inside, I am realizing that I just do not belong dating in general. I'm really starting to do the work of grieving this week and ending all of the innocent female meetups, beers, etc that has been filling the void. I stopped walking around grieving and started going through it (and it suuuucks)

I stopped feeling like I had to be the one to regain **her** trust this week after something sandi2 posted. Realized too that a lot of my anxiety has come from her blindsighting me this year: the BD, the EA, the S, and now, the D papers. I am thinking - wth is she going to do next? I am focused on GAL but this living in fear is no good.

Gonna focus on the kids this weekend and journal as we are supposed to get rain. I need to start working out regularly again.

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Kind of a rough weekend - I got all of my finances together for financial affidavit. I just have to aggregate them together.
I test drove a few new cars and I rejoined a crossfit gym.

Spoke to the W this morning. We were both positive and synched up on the kids' schedule. She stated that her lawyer said that we could mediate however we want and if we wanted to drop everything and reunite, that's ok too. I stated that my lawyer said the same. I reiterated the divorce is not something I want, but also stated I didn't want to discuss before she went to work as this usually upset her.

I know this is unattractive pressuring - but I want to tell her "let's go try to talk to a therapist and see what we can salvage". As much distancing as I've done, I know this is still me holding on to the rope. I just wish I had some way to tell her - I still have some shreds of hope.

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Hi Firemann,

Originally Posted by "firemann"
She stated that her lawyer said that we could mediate however we want and if we wanted to drop everything and reunite, that's ok too. I stated that my lawyer said the same.

That's validating. smile

Originally Posted by "firemann"
I reiterated the divorce is not something I want, but also stated I didn't want to discuss before she went to work as this usually upset her. I just wish I had some way to tell her - I still have some shreds of hope.

Didn't you already do that? You responded to her temp check with "Divorce is not something I want" and did your own temp check on whether she wanted to join you in therapy earlier this week.

Originally Posted by "firemann"
She stated she wanted to go just to learn how to improve communication.

You know the DB approach recommends therapy if and only if both partners have some level of commitment.

Originally Posted by "firemann"
I am trying not to completely give up on my marriage but it's hard to be the only one with faith in it!

Do you feel you get to wave the "Faith in Marriage" card after an overnight OW and multiple "innocent" female meetups, one of which you say you're slowing down? Not that there's anything wrong with moving on.

Originally Posted by "firemann"
Gonna focus on the kids this weekend

Oh, good, being an active dad is an awesome GAL activity. So are crossfit workouts!

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OK cwarrior - maybe I am temp checking too much.

W and I met yesterday at a bank so we could endorse a check together from a joint account. We left and I had some time to kill. She asked what I was doing next and I said I was going to eat tacos. She got all quiet and rather then leaving, i asked if she wanted to join. She said yes!

Lunch was a little awkward but positive for the most part. She was telling me about her new part time job and how she was looking forward to a concert coming up. I told her with all the work she is doing - a concert seemed like it'd be fun. I was pretty happy during lunch as work was going well that day and the weather was perfect. I did notice something in her from across the table - she just seemed old and tired.Her face had this resting scowl. She asked if I test drove some new cars (I told my son I did previously) and I said yes, but havent decided on anything.

Went home and I wrapped up paperwork for the attorney. I ended up going through our cell bill and i came to find out she was talking to her EA all the way back until Sept. I originally thought is was January-March. Nope! SEPT! Unreal. She ended up calling me about our kids and picked up i was mad. I told her I discovered her EA was earlier than originally calculated and she apologized.

Weird thing was - I was ok. Definitely felt betrayal, but I was ok. We had some small talk and she said she'd like to talk about that with myself and a therapist. In that moment, I couldn't decide if she was telling me what I wanted to hear or maybe she was opening up. I started flashing back. I just remembered things like how she frequently scorned me for waking her up at 3am earlier this year when I was flooded with anxiety. I just started accepting things for the way they were. I couldn't believe sheput me through what she put me through this year.

I need to drop the rope. There are times I pray to forgive her and have some way of starting over. I need to NOT BE SO AFRAID OF THE D.

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I am advising you to stay calm and detached when interacting with. Not everything she says will require immediate responses. If she is opening up a bit, let her talk, validate feelings, and listen!!

If she brings up talking with you, her, and the therapist again just slow play it and say "Yea maybe that would work" and see if she takes the lead.

Keep focusing on your 180's, worry about your side of the fence now Firemann! Stay positive.


H 34
W 29
BD 3/12/18
Divorce Busted Spring 19

It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
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Pretty great weekend.
* S12 left his backpack at sports practice on Thurs night and in it were 3 projects that were due the following day. W ripped him a new one for forgetting it. She txtd me and I told her - why don't you mesage the coaches and see if you can have one come in early to unlock the building? I can bring S12 there to pick it up and then take him to school.

Told her I will do anything to help the kids. I told her a few times to breathe and that we got this! She was absolutely amazed.i was amazed too.

I thought to myself - if this had happene da few years ago, I would have gone off on my W for not telling me he even brought a backpack to practice, that S12 should be responsible for it, after all, he's 12! I would have got mad she didn't say thanks for picking him up and would have just let her deal with the problem. What a jerk I was back then.

S12 works hard and forgetfullness happens. Anyway, the Coach came in early the next day and he turned his assignments in on time at school. Crisis averted!!
* W said txt'd she was going out Fri night. Told her - she had a long week and deserves to unwind. She said she wasn't sure where she was going, or with whom. I told her she should have a blast either way. i didn't mention i was going out too.
* Went out with 2 different sets of guy friends on Fri and Sat night.
* Leaned how to clone roses from cuttings! i have them situated in my computer room.
* Dad is out of the hospital and feeling great. Am planning a visit soon.
* Played softball yesterday w some friends. Had a blast. Went home and picked up my dog and brought him out to a brewery for a beer. A lot of pretty ladies were out yesterday and my dog is a chick magnet.
* W called yesterday asking about some Halloween decoration she lost. Told her I'd look for it. We were joking around for a while and I kept being super positive. Told her if I find it I'd drop it off. She said - will you ring the doorbell, and i said no, I will just lthrow it on the driveway.. She laughed. Told her to enjoy the awesome weather and that I needed to leave (no mention of my softball plans).

Short of all this - I was invited to go hiking over the weekend by a girl and i turned her down. I told her I am still repairing myself and just need to focus on being comfortable being alone. Been trying to kepep the road home paved and well lit. I picked up DB book again and started thinking about what kinds of things we did together when we were both happy in the relationship. I feel like when we talk, if we aren't nit picking eachother as to who screwed up when or rehashing the past....we actually have a lot of fun and laughs.

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Originally Posted by firemann
* Leaned how to clone roses from cuttings! i have them situated in my computer room.
Grafting roses onto a desirable root system is also cool....


"What is best for my kids is best for me"
Amor Fati
Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
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Originally Posted by firemann
Told her if I find it I'd drop it off. She said - will you ring the doorbell, and i said no, I will just l throw it on the driveway.. She laughed.
I love this. Humor is a great way to respond.


"What is best for my kids is best for me"
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Told her I will do anything to help the kids. I told her a few times to breathe and that we got this! She was absolutely amazed.i was amazed too.
Nice job, firemann!

Quote
I thought to myself - if this had happene da few years ago, I would have gone off on my W for not telling me he even brought a backpack to practice, that S12 should be responsible for it, after all, he's 12! I would have got mad she didn't say thanks for picking him up and would have just let her deal with the problem. What a jerk I was back then.


As a former football coach I hope his coaches (or you) made him run a mile for forgetting his gear. Huge pet peeve of mine and a great opportunity to develop character and positive habits in young men. We all have to deal with the consequences. As a forgetful person, let's just say I'm in good shape!

Quote
Told her if I find it I'd drop it off. She said - will you ring the doorbell, and i said no, I will just lthrow it on the driveway.
Lol throw it up there like a newspaper!


H 34
W 29
BD 3/12/18
Divorce Busted Spring 19

It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
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