Good points, Steve. Its really all about being comfortable in your own skin and confident in who YOU are... not in some blustery persona or some macho "ideal." That kind of thing projects.
Now for my macho, lunkhead moment, on the subject of "guns" and gun ranges:
Guns for me are no big deal. I grew up in the country, and we owned guns, simple as that. Everyone i know owned at least one long gun. Out where I live, you were really close to nature, and, even if you didn't hunt recreationally, sometimes nature has a way of getting uncomfortably close. Ever been approached by a rabid raccoon? Alot easier,, safer, and less disturbing to dispatch it with .22 or shotgun than it is to, say, beat it to death with a shovel (something one of my friend's dads had to do-- they had just moved up from the city). And I wont even tell you about the time a couple of obvious mobsters(from Jersey, complete with suits, ties, and wiseguy accents) showed up back on our farm near our pond "just sightseeing". Sometimes it just makes you feel better having that scattergun handy. So, we owned them then, my grandfather owned them on his farm, and my Great grandfather came over from Ireland just after the Civil war with two things in his pocket: Less than a dollar in loose change, and the family flintlock pistol (which my Dad still has). So I am comfortable with guns as a tool that are only "As good or as bad as the man that weilds them". But I digress. Guns and gun ranges as a recreational GAL activity: This is pure gold, IMO, and here is where I am going to sound like a lunkhead: The ladies eat this up! I mean, I am sure there are girls who are politically charged up about this or who would otherwise be turned off, but literally every single woman i have talked to who has done this either as a date or as a girls night or otherwise socially...has absolutely loved it (and quite often ended up "absolutely loving" the man they went with if it was a date deal-- my W and I included and she is a HUGE anti-NRA person.) Its come a long long way from the dingy, dirty, sleazy shooting ranges in the bad sections of town-- alot of these places now are high tech, spotless, with good looking young instructors in jumpsuits and membership cards and slick welcome programs and date nights etc etc. Alot of the younger generation are doing it as well. I almost got in trouble last week at a bar with a large group of people, including my W, when i got talking to young 20-something girl about it-- she had been for her first time and we started talking about and she was really into it... really into it, and she started getting a bit too familiar/friendly and then my W swooped in and laid one on me just as i was about to excuse myself "You looked like you could use some help" she told me shortly thereafter, lol. But anyhoo... As long as you are a) reasonably responsible and b) not someone who is going to get hung up on "eek, it's a gun", its a really fun outing/GAL/date opportunity. And, like i said, the ladies love it.
Last edited by hoosjim; 10/24/1903:59 PM.
H53/W51, R-ing 4/'18
"Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires"-Sg.of Sg 2:7
"So oftentimes it happens,that we live our lives in chains, & we never even know we have the key"-Eagles III 1:3
I was just using shooting guns reference because Blu used it in her post. I have a different interpretation to the term alpha then BLU does.
LH, ok. I know I suggest the gun range as a GAL activity, and wanted people to know why. it isn't to offend or push an agenda. Simply because it requires a level of focus like no other activity I know.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Good points, Steve. Its really all about being comfortable in your own skin and confident in who YOU are... not in some blustery persona or some macho "ideal." That kind of thing projects.
Now for my macho, lunkhead moment, on the subject of "guns" and gun ranges:
Guns for me are no big deal. I grew up in the country, and we owned guns, simple as that. Everyone i know owned at least one long gun. Out where I live, you were really close to nature, and, even if you didn't hunt recreationally, sometimes nature has a way of getting uncomfortably close. Ever been approached by a rabid raccoon? Alot easier,, safer, and less disturbing to dispatch it with .22 or shotgun than it is to, say, beat it to death with a shovel (something one of my friend's dads had to do-- they had just moved up from the city). And I wont even tell you about the time a couple of obvious mobsters(from Jersey, complete with suits, ties, and wiseguy accents) showed up back on our farm near our pond "just sightseeing". Sometimes it just makes you feel better having that scattergun handy. So, we owned them then, my grandfather owned them on his farm, and my Great grandfather came over from Ireland just after the Civil war with two things in his pocket: Less than a dollar in loose change, and the family flintlock pistol (which my Dad still has). So I am comfortable with guns as a tool that are only "As good or as bad as the man that weilds them". But I digress. Guns and gun ranges as a recreational GAL activity: This is pure gold, IMO, and here is where I am going to sound like a lunkhead: The ladies eat this up! I mean, I am sure there are girls who are politically charged up about this or who would otherwise be turned off, but literally every single woman i have talked to who has done this either as a date or as a girls night or otherwise socially...has absolutely loved it (and quite often ended up "absolutely loving" the man they went with if it was a date deal-- my W and I included and she is a HUGE anti-NRA person.) Its come a long long way from the dingy, dirty, sleazy shooting ranges in the bad sections of town-- alot of these places now are high tech, spotless, with good looking young instructors in jumpsuits and membership cards and slick welcome programs and date nights etc etc. Alot of the younger generation are doing it as well. I almost got in trouble last week at a bar with a large group of people, including my W, when i got talking to young 20-something girl about it-- she had been for her first time and we started talking about and she was really into it... really into it, and she started getting a bit too familiar/friendly and then my W swooped in and laid one on me just as i was about to excuse myself "You looked like you could use some help" she told me shortly thereafter, lol. But anyhoo... As long as you are a) reasonably responsible and b) not someone who is going to get hung up on "eek, it's a gun", its a really fun outing/GAL/date opportunity. And, like i said, the ladies love it.
That post is awesome! LOL
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
While we are on the subject of the board and dynamics, one of the things I've observed here that causes problems, just as it does in other avenues of life, is right-fighting.
I mention that the W and I enjoy watching a certain bald-headed, Texas born talk show host. And it was watching him that I learned about right-fighting. And that I realized I was a bad right-fighter. Right-fighting is a zero sum game. Especially on an internet message board! And right-fighting causes the right-fighter more stress than anyone he may be right-fighting against.
When those board has (rarely) devolved into attacks, right-fighting has always been front and center. As I said earlier, most of the time we can disagree with someone's advice without being disagreeable. And there is nothing wrong with that. Multiple perspectives is one of the draws of this forum! The minute we all start spouting the same thing, is the minute we should have Cadet employ a bot to respond to people's threads! No the different perspectives are essential.
This thread has delved into some of that. For instance, separation and the belief that it is a critical component to get to reconciliation. There may be those that prescribe to that because it worked in their sitch and sitches similar. There are a few of us that never physically separated, that were able to get to reconciliation. Why? Because there is no one-size fits all. I think of the young man that came here distraught because his now XW had a restraining order against him. His sitch was completely different than mine, where we never even stopped sleeping in the same bed. Giving him advice for what worked for me more than likely wouldn't apply in his situation. And he needed to GAL for completely different reasons than I did.
But devolving into right-fighting here, where your attitude is "my advice is right! and yours is wrong!" does nothing but hijack threads into flame-wars. Kind of like we recently saw. I have been impressed with the level of maturity that this board has shown, and the ability to avoid right-fighting. After all, the bald-headed Texas talk show says it best when he asks: "Would you rather be right, or happy?"
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Good points, Steve. Its really all about being comfortable in your own skin and confident in who YOU are... not in some blustery persona or some macho "ideal." That kind of thing projects.
Now for my macho, lunkhead moment, on the subject of "guns" and gun ranges:
Guns for me are no big deal. I grew up in the country, and we owned guns, simple as that. Everyone i know owned at least one long gun. Out where I live, you were really close to nature, and, even if you didn't hunt recreationally, sometimes nature has a way of getting uncomfortably close. Ever been approached by a rabid raccoon? Alot easier,, safer, and less disturbing to dispatch it with .22 or shotgun than it is to, say, beat it to death with a shovel (something one of my friend's dads had to do-- they had just moved up from the city). And I wont even tell you about the time a couple of obvious mobsters(from Jersey, complete with suits, ties, and wiseguy accents) showed up back on our farm near our pond "just sightseeing". Sometimes it just makes you feel better having that scattergun handy. So, we owned them then, my grandfather owned them on his farm, and my Great grandfather came over from Ireland just after the Civil war with two things in his pocket: Less than a dollar in loose change, and the family flintlock pistol (which my Dad still has). So I am comfortable with guns as a tool that are only "As good or as bad as the man that weilds them". But I digress. Guns and gun ranges as a recreational GAL activity: This is pure gold, IMO, and here is where I am going to sound like a lunkhead: The ladies eat this up! I mean, I am sure there are girls who are politically charged up about this or who would otherwise be turned off, but literally every single woman i have talked to who has done this either as a date or as a girls night or otherwise socially...has absolutely loved it (and quite often ended up "absolutely loving" the man they went with if it was a date deal-- my W and I included and she is a HUGE anti-NRA person.) Its come a long long way from the dingy, dirty, sleazy shooting ranges in the bad sections of town-- alot of these places now are high tech, spotless, with good looking young instructors in jumpsuits and membership cards and slick welcome programs and date nights etc etc. Alot of the younger generation are doing it as well. I almost got in trouble last week at a bar with a large group of people, including my W, when i got talking to young 20-something girl about it-- she had been for her first time and we started talking about and she was really into it... really into it, and she started getting a bit too familiar/friendly and then my W swooped in and laid one on me just as i was about to excuse myself "You looked like you could use some help" she told me shortly thereafter, lol. But anyhoo... As long as you are a) reasonably responsible and b) not someone who is going to get hung up on "eek, it's a gun", its a really fun outing/GAL/date opportunity. And, like i said, the ladies love it.
Just know your audience. I know several women who would roll their eyes if I suggested this to them.
FWIW, when I see the recommendation to go shooting I also interpret it as a "macho" rather than "alpha" thing. I enjoy shooting and all the points made about it are good, but something like 70% of the people at the ranges by me are over-compensating yahoos so that's what I associate with it. Having said that, when I have time to go to a long-gun range it's a lot more civilized. The "style" probably varies a lot by the area - country vs city, etc. So, people around me may just be macho d-bags.
One other thought on shooting - with the risk of violence and suicide correlated with divorce it may be worth recommending other GALs. I'm not suggesting that anyone on this board is a threat but I heard several threats in my state-required co-parenting class and if I was the soon-to-be XW in those circumstances I'd be afraid for my safety. If shooting is one of your hobbies already I'd say go for it. But I myself wouldn't encourage it as a new hobby or one to be picked up after not having done it for years, at least not right away.
M(35), W(35), D(4) M-9, T-12 Bomb Drop (D announcement) - May 3, 2019 W moved out Aug 13 House sold Sept 25 Papers signed Nov 15 Divorce finalized Dec 12
FWIW, when I see the recommendation to go shooting I also interpret it as a "macho" rather than "alpha" thing. I enjoy shooting and all the points made about it are good, but something like 70% of the people at the ranges by me are over-compensating yahoos so that's what I associate with it. Having said that, when I have time to go to a long-gun range it's a lot more civilized. The "style" probably varies a lot by the area - country vs city, etc. So, people around me may just be macho d-bags.
One other thought on shooting - with the risk of violence and suicide correlated with divorce it may be worth recommending other GALs. I'm not suggesting that anyone on this board is a threat but I heard several threats in my state-required co-parenting class and if I was the soon-to-be XW in those circumstances I'd be afraid for my safety. If shooting is one of your hobbies already I'd say go for it. But I myself wouldn't encourage it as a new hobby or one to be picked up after not having done it for years, at least not right away.
I would point out that you can just rent a firearm. Then the concerns you raise are less of an issue.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Just know your audience. I know several women who would roll their eyes if I suggested this to them.
IDK, you might be surprised. Granted im sure there are actually plenty out there who'd be left cold by the thought of it, but I could rattle off at least a half dozen women I know who I would have previously sworn would have that response, but then at whatever point I found out they had gone, they raved about it... And I live in a very suburban and definitely very liberal area here in the DC metro area... I'm telling ya it's not like shooting ranges used to be-- it's slick, high tech, tarted up, they provide the instructions and the firearms, they have games/skills competitions, date nights, and go out of their way to make it fun while still respecting the seriousness of the tools. Honestly its alot like going out to Top Golf except with live ammo.
But, yeah, point taken on knowing your audience, which is, after all, part of being AMOAFWL, right? Knowing who you can outright just take on such a date, who you can ask if they'd be interested in it, who you could "surprise" with it and they be cool/excited about it once revealed (this was my W)
And whoever said it above, good point in being aware of the dynamics in any particular case. Certainly don't think I'd ever advise a noobie LBS to "go out and buy a gun"... At least without knowing a whoooole lot about them. My initial point was more about it being an interesting date option once you are a) reconciled with ur spouse or b) on ur own and out there dating again.
Or c) being attacked by rabid raccoons...
H53/W51, R-ing 4/'18
"Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires"-Sg.of Sg 2:7
"So oftentimes it happens,that we live our lives in chains, & we never even know we have the key"-Eagles III 1:3
