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Cognitive dissonance is something that both sides will struggle with. Where thoughts and actions don't line up.

He needs to know that you are taking him seriously and that he's fired you from the role of wife and companion. As tough as that is to accept.


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Find things to do so that you aren't tempted to throw your arms around him. Try to think of him as a roommate and nothing more.

He is definitely waffling back and forth and it's very typical. Do you want to go to the October Fest? If not, just advise him that you have other plans and do not share them w/him.

Breathe!


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Yes I want to go I love airplanes and live music and good beer with my best friend sounds great
Out in the back yard right now starting a fire in the fire pit , listen to bluegrass and trying to avoid him
This roommate thing seems impossible but I am trying


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Breathe.

He is going to act irrationally and erratically.

Take it easy on yourself. This is crazy hard stuff to get a grasp on at first.

One of the big problems is he doesn’t see anything wrong with divorcing you and still doing things.

As for his invites and other suggestions, buy yourself some time. Try - I’m not sure, let me think about it. Or - That does sound interesting, let me get back to you. Businesslike, I know. Sounds a little stiff, but he is not the same H you know, right now.

Remember he is looking to divorce you. By the way, it’s ok if this doesn’t make sense, he is acting on emotions, totally irrational. We’ve all seen this kind of crazy behaviour, and there is nothing you can do to snap him out if it..

Just breathe.

Focus on you.

(((Hugs)))

DnJ


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Hi DS

Apparently my browser hadn’t refreshed and I missed all the posts, before I responded. smile

Originally Posted by Dispatch
Yes I want to go I love airplanes and live music and good beer...

Would you go on your own?

I ask because if it is no way, then you are wanting to go because of H.

If the answer is yes or even maybe - then go. Have fun. Be a “good” roommate.

DnJ


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Thanks I am dieting here 😭


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I am blowing it


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You’ll do fine.

Just sit around the fire. Let him do most of the talking. Just listen and validate when necessary.

Step by step is how you get through this. Focus and get though tonight. Tell us about it tomorrow. It will be alright - you’ll see.

DnJ


Feelings are fleeting.
Be better, not bitter.
Love the person, forgive the sin.
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Breathe! You aren't going to hit all of the DB techniques in one day. It takes time and patience and do not beat yourself up if you fall. We all have been where you are right now. Time truly is on your side and you need to dig deep for patience because you will need it.

You can't reason w/someone who is irrational. He is not thinking clearly and what is happening is that he's operating on emotions and when emotions are running high, well....they do not listen. So, you listen and validate as best as you can.

The man you see now is going to be the exact opposite of the man you love. He is becoming the mirror image of the man you love. You will see and hear many things and they won't make sense to you...but they do to him. Try not to argue w/him. Walk away or change the subject if he wants to nit pick.

You can do this!


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Well I am back
first day he was home I fell flat on my face begging and crying
But the next morning I woke up and started over and we had a very calm day.
And it almost felt like normal but I did my dB and it seemed to work not
That he changed his mind or anything main thing is I wasn’t a crazy person all day
Sad that this felt like such a achievement
The ride to camping was bad I was fine but it seemed everything I did irritated him and
He was just being a real jerk but I kept my calm took made deep breaths and we got to the
Glider field. When we got there I almost immediately got a glider ride ,side note it was the most fun I have had in months and was exactly what I needed. The rest of the afternoon was good he didn’t seem mad anymore.
We walked around met new people and ran into people we both knew it was good for him to see me as the aviation professional I am ,in general had a good time not prefect just a few small things. We tent camped and I think he was just so surprised that I came and slept in a tent with no complaints he was great on the way home.
He unblocked from Facebook, not friends but I can message him now . He left this morning and I got up early and made his coffee as he left I got a kiss on the cheek.
This isn’t over I know I could topple my progress with one freak out so keep your fingers crossed!
Thanks for all your thoughts


Oct 1/BD
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H 51
S 30
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S23
D20
Hg 3 weeks and counting
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