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Joined: Aug 2019
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Just updating . Today was a great though exhausting GAL day . Spent my entire day just loving on the kids . Lunch , lego place and just plain simple fun playing ! Just me and kids . I did laugh at H . He messaged me asking what I was doing and I wrote out and about . Oooops still got a few of those mysterious GAL techniques stuck in me . He immediately called and said I know you are out with them but what are you doing . I did tell him what we were up to , he was pleasant and calm .

Yesterday was interesting to say the least . H took me to the mountains here for a romantic dinner he planned . During the dinner I got this sense an R talk was coming . Well it came . He painted a very bad rewrite of history to his family and friends . He starting to have to explain some of it .Almost to the point I got the sense that people are starting to realize he may have been the one who was wrong or needs help . I was painted as an awful lazy mother . A verbally abusive wife who would not let him do anything . A wife who sat down and did absolutely nothing for her family but complain . So I think people now wonder why hes so happy to be home . I have yet to speak to anyone in his family or his friends . To be truthful I dont want to . I do not have much to say to anyone who supported his type of behavior . Who agreed with a man walking out on his wife and children . Is this wrong ???

He did ask about myself and what was said . He has no one to face . I opened up and said maybe something I should not have . I said . I choose to tell people that Im standing my ground for our marriage . To be the solid person between the two of us . To be the person I agreed to be when I married him - the for better or worse . I am not the weak person he thought of me . He at this point is just baling his eyes out . He tells me thank you this could have turned out really badly . I was thinking if I left you I would one day find the perfect person when in all reality thats you .

Reality has really hit him of the path he took . The hurt he caused and how this really could have gone had I for 1. Not found this site and immediately started DB at that point 2. He had not been slowed down by his auto immune disease 3. Had I thrown in the towel

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I had one of those moments when her family saw reality and not her version of it, and I try not to gloat, but it felt really good knowing they knew I wasn't the slug she portrayed me to be.

Good for you! I'm glad things are working out so well. Keep it up!


M:23 T:26
Me:53, Wife: 60
S:18
D:16
filed 7/16
W moved out 4/28/17
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Any advice on how to handle the friends and family who encouraged the behavior he was taking part in ? The people who seemed to be so happy he was away from this wife who was ruining his life and spirit .....

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Id say take the high road. Anyone who truly loves him will support this choice and know its best, as hes clearly happy with it. Id probably just say something like we were both hurting and probably said some things, but we are very happy to be working it out for our family and leave it at that. ?

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Take the high road, just like Hope said.

If they are his family, they will either see that you are not the ogre he portrayed you to be, or not. There's not much you can do about it. But remember, they are HIS family, and will likely support him no matter how wrong he was or is likely to be in the future.

As to friends who encouraged his behavior, I would just be very wary in the future. They have proven that they are not truly YOUR friends, and you can be polite and friendly without being emotionally invested in their friendship.


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Hi Caligirl,
Nice on the GAL time with the kids and keeping up the focus on GAL as you move forward. Nice that he set up the romantic date and opened up to his bad behavior in terms of how he's been portraying you-- I agree with the others that taking the high road is the way to go, you've been taking the high road all along and no reason to slip off. It is his responsibility to make amends and demonstrate to you that he's worth taking back, so let him come up with ways to deal with the problems he's made for you as a couple with family/"friends". I might even explicitly ask him what HE thinks in terms of how you should deal with them, given what he's sharing, or how he might deal with them?


Me (46) H (42)
M:14 T:18, D9 & D11
4/19 - 12/19: series of escalating BDs
9/20 - present: R and piecing
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I think what I am struggling with is Im having a hard time talking about anything that is or did upset me. I got real used to not putting much on his plate that involved me .

Its almost been so calm between us its frightening. Not one even hint of a disagreement. But is it more that I just dont communicate or maybe realized he just cant handle some of it.

He doesnt do anything that would send up red flags . If anything been much more helpful and sweet .

Im at a place that I call content but not swinging from chandeliers.

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Did you guys start talking to an MC yet?


Me (46) H (42)
M:14 T:18, D9 & D11
4/19 - 12/19: series of escalating BDs
9/20 - present: R and piecing
Joined: Mar 2017
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Originally Posted by Caligirl
But is it more that I just dont communicate or maybe realized he just cant handle some of it.



Ya, my initial thought was you really need to get to a MC. If you can't communicate, it's not going to end well.


M:23 T:26
Me:53, Wife: 60
S:18
D:16
filed 7/16
W moved out 4/28/17
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I have MC set up for next Thursday .

I think Ive gotten to a place of being so independent with emotions I dont even attempt to bring anything up .

Tonight I went to GAL with kids . He said something before I went . Ask if I wanted him to go . I asked if he wanted to go . He said not really . So I responded then dont come with us . Was not a mean exchange at all . Actually an honest one . But I noticed while I was driving I dont really even invite him anymore .

The frightening calm is nothing he does even remotely upsets me . Indifferent to almost all of it .

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