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Ginger1 #2867060 10/02/19 12:30 PM
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I shouldn't chime in, but I couldn't resist...

I enjoy an occasional rom com. But I've only watched one or two a year, and that's been an after-my-divorce phenomenon; I don't recall watching any rom coms (of my own volition) prior to my divorce.

Regarding clothes shopping. I'd rather be crucified than go clothes shopping. The shirt I'm wearing right now was given to me by my XW's parents. It's probably six years old and I'll probably be wearing it six years from now.

I do enjoy going to Home Depot and Lowe's. I don't have to shower, shave, comb my hair or wear deodorant to go to those stores. Best of all, I can wear the paint stained shorts that my XW gave me ten years ago and I'll be wearing an old stained t-shirt to go along with the shorts. If I want to be a little more formal, I'll put on a baseball cap.

I had no idea what a Lancôme is. I had to google it. I like artsy stuff. Venetian plaster is cool. Driftwood art can be amazing. I wish I owned a Picasso or Monet painting. But, I'd never in a million years be the creative director of a cosmetic company. I'm not an alpha male or a tough guy, but I'd have absolutely no clue of what to do with cosmetics other than to throw them in the trash.

He's definitely a unicorn. He may even be a straight unicorn.

Ginger1 #2867077 10/02/19 03:40 PM
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I agree with devvo - in my long dating history (I'm old, remember) I've never dated a guy who loves rom cons. Some might agree to watch as a trade off for me watching Rambo, and then actually find themselves getting caught up in the story. I've never seen a man of his own volition pick Sleepless in Seattle over John Wick.

That being said, there's nothing wrong with enjoying a rom-com. I'm just concerned that he's mirroring, or just telling you what he thinks you want to hear. Or, if he knows the plots of 20 rom-cons, he might be gay.

Ginger1 #2867083 10/02/19 04:24 PM
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I did watch Marley and Me with B - her favourite movie. I got lucky that night.

We then watched Amazing Grace with Ioan Gruffudd - my favourite movie - I didn't get lucky.

I do hold open doors, buy flowers, compliment and appreciate so I like to think I'm romantic. I also am pretty good at braiding hair and inspired the the creation of the now seemingly famous Hawser braid from when I had long hair. Despite how cute that guy in Spain may have thought he was, I am positive that I'm not gay.

We don't mean to pull you back down into the bucket but just be careful please and make sure that he's "real" before you get in too deep. K?


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Ginger1 #2867123 10/02/19 11:57 PM
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With my luck, I wouldn’t be surprised if he turned out to be gay. I have Jennifer Aniston luck with men. But maybe I would get a good gay friends out of it?

He likes rom coms. He designed photoshoots and displays for women’s cosmetics. He also designs bags for women. He’s a true artist. He is into fashion and he actually enjoys shopping.

Then he is super into sports and plays basketball. Does some “guy” stuff.

Either he’s a unicorn or he’s gay. I’m hoping he’s a unicorn. The unicorn I’ve been waiting for. Odds? Not so good given much bad luck with men. But all I can do is hope.

I had an event tonight at a subacute rehab “sangria and psychics” . We had the best Spanish food and sangria. The psychic read my tarot cards and we could ask questions and he will read the card according to my questions. I asked regarding love life and financial situation. In a nutshell, he read the cards as in I know exactly what I want, just how it should be, but the “devil” card would pop off which indicated my own self doubt that creeps into my head. And this other card that shows how others view me, which is the total opposite . Which is about right.

Then....... the subacute rehab happens to be around the corners from M’s mom’s house. I was curious about the damage, so I did a drive by. So sad to see the house again in this condition. It looks melted the whole garage is charred and all the windows are boarded up. Awful for his mom.

D and I continue to chat on. He will text me in the morning and then on the bus into the city. He says he usually takes a nap on the commute in, but says he would
Much rather chat with me. We are both very busy during the day, so we don’t communicate during the day. I hope we get to meet next week. I am scared. And for a really insecure reason. How I look. I know he keeps saying I am very pretty and blah blah blah, and even though my pictures are accurate and recent. I’m scared he will see me in person and think I’m too fat. But this is more about me being uncomfortable about me right now. It’s nerve wracking. He’s super attractive to me. I say “to me” because people I find attractive , others say “wtf?”, lol. But I ran him by a few friends, and he really is a hottie.

Another funny thing I realized. The town he is from is a large town and it has 3 lake communities. Including him, I’ve dated guys from all 3 lake communities. M, FF, and this guy. I’m making my way around the water in this town! The other 2 lives with their parents, but this one actually owns a house in the most exclusive lake community .

Anyways, I feel like the lake ho.

I’m not getting my hopes up because I have been met with reality before. But I can’t say why, but I have a good feeling. I hope I’m right.

Ginger1 #2867125 10/03/19 12:28 AM
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GIRL! OMG........you need to quit with that fat thing. I understand and respect that your feelings are your feelings and you feel uncomfortable in your own skin right now, but every time that thought creeps into your head that you are fat, I want you to log in to Facebook and go to my page and look at me. I’ve openly admitted to being a fat girl and those of you who have seen me on Facebook know I’m not kidding. You aren’t anywhere near fat. I’m sorry that’s how you see yourself because I can assure you, I’d love to be your size. You are beautiful! Stop picking yourself apart.


Me 52, H53
Bomb drop 9/29/2014
Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014
Marriage #2 12/31/2019
5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships)
6 grandkids
Ginger1 #2867137 10/03/19 03:00 AM
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Deep breath and exhale... and another one. (these are for me BTW) LOL. I swear sometimes it feels like groundhog day around here. I also feel more and more like I know less and less, still...

Let's start here - YOU ARE NOT FAT!!!!! That is a slam dunk easy one. I know you may not feel you are at the weight you want to be but you just are not fat. Then again, I live in Wisconsin, so there is that, but no, not fat, not at all

Getting serious though now. How can you be this "into" someone you've never met? It screams of desperation rebound - it just does. You want a guy so bad that, well, I just don't think it's healthy and would be remiss in not saying something.

At the head of it all I'm hearing you say many of the same types of things you said about M. At least that was after knowing and being with him for months. Now mind you I'm not at all claiming you are saying the same things - not in specifics - but the same types of things. You told us for months how great M was, how great you both got along, how you never had fights, how he was this wonderful guy, how your families fit together. Now you tell us nearly none of that was true. You tell us now of all his shortcomings and how some new guy that you've not even met is all of these great things and the opposite of the guy that used to be the right fit and you could see yourself marrying. And I just don't get it.

Why so invested so fast? Texting for hours, every morning, talking about deep things - yet not even a meeting? More deep breaths Don... I get it, you are hurting and want the pain to go away and this helps that to happen. It's a great pain killer, I just can't imagine how you can know enough about someone to have any meaningful insight. You're clearly hoping he is who you want him to be - already somehow sensing "he may be the one". And maybe that's okay. Maybe it's fine to help the pain go away by having someone else take it away. Something just tells me it's not a healthy or productive way to go into this.

Clearly this guy is different. Call him a unicorn to make it sound nicer if you'd like I guess, but he sounds odd to me - very odd. It also seems like some people (me and I think LH19 would qualify) go out with a dozen woman and don't connect with a single one. Others (you're in this group Ginger) seems to "connect" more often than not - perhaps it's the 4 out of 5 category - but then after time you really didn't connect much at all. ???????????

Ginger, I'm not trying to kill your fun here. I'm not trying to rain on some happiness but after seeing how upset you've been for weeks here - right up until meeting this guy online - I can't help but see warning flares.

I'm not sure, in fact I am sure, you are not ready to date seriously yet. But I won't even say not date at all - but why does it have to be so intense right away? I can tell you're thinking of this guy all the time. You're waiting for his next text. You're' telling friends about this great new guy you met - only you've not met. You're wanting to replace what you thought you had. Why can't you just keep it at a slow, matter of fact, going on a date next week level. Or is that just not you? And why would he be so all in without meeting you? What's up with him to be at that level?

I'll totally and fully admit it may be me. But I just don't get this at all. But it's not for me to get - what I really don't want is for you to be hurt or worse yet, get involved with another guy who really doesn't check the boxes but you've got them checked before they should have been. I just don't want to see M be repeated and at least for me, the best way not to do that is to heal from it first and go in at this level when you are really ready. I think many of us see it and feel it. We like you so dang much that we want to see you happy and don't want to kill the happiness you do find, yet we worry when we see you potentially going down another speedy path. Please, somehow, make this guy prove himself to you and don't give him any free passes and ZERO benefit of the doubt. I'm worried for you my friend.


DonH
Midwest
Me 56
WAW-EXW 55
Met 11/95 / Married 5/00
Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06
4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
Ginger1 #2867138 10/03/19 03:10 AM
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you just are not fat. Then again, I live in Wisconsin, so there is that


Lolol!

Seriously though - I gotta agree with Don here. A guy who is coming on this hard and heavy without even having met you yet makes me nervous.

How much of his story have you validated? Have you checked his linked in profile? Looked for his name (preferably with photo) on his company's website? Are there other places you can search for proof that he's tellingvthe truth?

I'm just getting a hinky vibe and worried this guy could be a con job.

Ginger1 #2867139 10/03/19 03:12 AM
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Reminds me of a guy who told me he was a jewelry designer. Asked him to send me a photo of his work. Ran the photo through TinEye - was a stock photo from Titanic lol.

Ginger1 #2867147 10/03/19 07:07 AM
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This guy is not coming on hard and heavy at all! Actually, i said something to him, because it started off with me saying, “how are we going to get to know each other if you only send me one message every other day?” That’s when he picked it up. But one night we chatted for hours, not at all during the day and a little in the morning . We are moving slow, and I can’t say there is any “movement” either, because we are just chatting and haven’t even met.

I DO NOT have connections with everyone. Said no to the last guy, was with M for a year and I confessed the connection in the beginning was kind of weak. I’ve dated people where I said “nope” and I do not want to replace anything. I want to move forward . I told one person that we were chatting. I have not fished over him, or anything. I just said “talking to a knee guy” I’m simply getting to know someone and enjoying it. Why does that mean I’m moving so fast, I’m getting in over my head? It’s not much more than me really enjoying talking to another adult human being who is pretty awesome so far. And notice I said “so far?” Because I really don’t know him yet.

Definitely not a con artist. I do my work. He’s the real deal. I looked up his linked in profile. Job is legit. Googled his name, came up with his address that matches. Looked up his facebook profile and he’s got friends who I have mutual friends with. Date suggestions are places known to locals and he mentioned some details about them. His kids play basketball where my daughter went to camp this year. And I didn’t even tell him she went to camp there. So, 100% legit. I’ve had an attempted con artist before and I noticed it pretty much right away.

He’s real. And I’m simply getting to know a guy and I’m enjoying it? Why does that seem to mean that I’m in too deep or he’s coming on too strong? Which he isn’t. We change. We like each other. We have a date set up. That’s it. Isn’t that how it’s supposed to go?

As far as me being worried about him not liking me because I’m “fat” it’s all me. Uncomfortable where I’m at. Lost a few lbs, but stalled again. Frustrated. I just want to be comfortable in my own body again. I should learn to be with the one I have, but I should really watch for my heath too. I’ll get there eventually. Realistically, it’s not a blind date, not that he’s seeing my boobies any tome soon, or if he even ever does, but that’s been a little nerve wracking for me too. My cars are still fading. They are visible . But I know self confidence is attractive . So I’m going to have just shake off my insecurities .

But really, there is nothing abnormal right now about what’s going on with us. We both swiped right, we text, get to know each other, then we meet. That’s it. I just happen to really enjoy our conversations. I thought that was a good thing.....

Ginger1 #2867150 10/03/19 10:43 AM
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Ginger...it IS a good thing!!

Lots of folks just looking out for you and being protective I'm sure, but bottom line if you're feeling he's legit and you take it at your pace, enjoy yourself! For sure don't rush, but at the same time don't become so jaded that you don't take some chances. Sure you might could get yourself hurt again, but any time you take a chance on love that's possible. Only YOU know what's right for YOU!

Sounds all good to me, have fun!

-B


Me:34 W:40
D1:4
M:7 T:8
BD:3/18
D Final: 6/19
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