Hey T, the thing that really jumped out at me was your comment that she quit A/D's cold turkey. Man was that ever a HUGE mistake. I have a coworker that did the same thing, in his case he was having trouble with his weight and he became convinced it was due to the A/D's. So he just quit taking them. Within a week he was in a bad place so he started taking them again. The problem is A/D's affect your body chemistry slowly over time, it's not like aspirin where you just take a couple and get immediate relief. He ended up in a mental hospital for 6 months, he was in very, very bad shape. The old A/D's never did work on him like before, they had to try different combinations and it took over a year to get him back to (relatively) normal.
No one should ever quit A/D's cold turkey, if you're going to stop you have to wean off very slowly. A 10% reduction each month is what I did with the help of my doctor. Unfortunately if she is already in a bad place she may be blaming you, so anything you suggest might just make her angry. Still, you might mention to her that she should talk to her doctor about the fact that she quit A/D's. She could get much worse.
W was on a low does of Prozac 20mg, so nothing really heavy. But I do agree, you cannot go off of anti-d meds cold turkey.
I'm curious how much of her recent behavior can be attributed to going off her meds.
It's really odd because all week she was texting me funny pics, checking on me at work etc, then she learned about her sister possibly having MS and she went off the rails and decided to bomb drop me. She was literally texting me funny things the same day she bomb dropped me. I'm so incredibly confused and hurt by how this played out.
Rough day today. W has spent the night at her sisters the past few nights and came home this morning. Maybe I was hoping the time apart would have softened her a little bit. But she once again brought to my mom that she’s still leaving. I don’t even know what I did that was so horrible for her to leave me. There was no big fight.
She expressed she was tired of waiting for me to buy our house. We’ve only been back together for a year so I was making sure we were on solid footing. Apparently she disagrees with that. Fact of the matter, recently started a new job and told her we could start looking for a home after 3 months just to make sure the job was a fit. I’ve been at the new job for 2 months.
I wish I could turn my feelings off for her. This hurt so bad.
I don't have much to add to what's been brought up already. You already know we're all here for you. You've already received some good advice, and I'll second AS's comment about going cold turkey off the meds. Major red flag.
And just to be sure, you know the whole "upset because you aren't buying a house" thing is bull$hit, right?
M:23 T:26 Me:53, Wife: 60 S:18 D:16 filed 7/16 W moved out 4/28/17
This will be the 4th time she’s left me. As much as it pains me, I have to look towards a future without her. The pattern is clearly there and is pretty consistent.
Remember, people who are sure of what they are doing don't need to repeat it like your W is doing, but rather they take action. Your W is hurting, and I don't know that I can explain exactly why, but she is hurting.
Now back to you and how you are going to grow into the person you want to be...
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
Rough day today. W has spent the night at her sisters the past few nights and came home this morning. Maybe I was hoping the time apart would have softened her a little bit. But she once again brought to my mom that she’s still leaving.
Those expectations are a beotch aren't they? Drop them! She may very well turn around (after all, it's happened before) but it's not going to be on a particular timeline and probably not as fast as you want.
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I don’t even know what I did that was so horrible for her to leave me. There was no big fight.
Well like we've been saying this could very well be a medical issue. All you can do is roll with it and get back to DB'ing until she figures things out.
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She expressed she was tired of waiting for me to buy our house. We’ve only been back together for a year so I was making sure we were on solid footing. Apparently she disagrees with that. Fact of the matter, recently started a new job and told her we could start looking for a home after 3 months just to make sure the job was a fit. I’ve been at the new job for 2 months.
She's just rewriting history to suit her actions. You didn't put the toilet seat down once, you burped and didn't say "excuse me", you drove past her and didn't wave. She's crafting a thousand reasons to hate you right now.
I'm just so worn down by all of this. I'm so confused because of course everyone is telling me to let her go this time considering she's done this 3 times previously and asking if I want to live this way the rest of my life. It's not that easy though for me.
What's so weird, is that this always happens when I think things are going well. We've been really involved with the our church. I baptized her a month and a half ago in front of 700 people. And then she found out her dad might have cancer, and her sister might have MS, and she changed her tune.
Just like before, I'm wracking my brain trying to find out what's so wrong with me that makes W think her life will be better without me in it. Of course I'm not perfect, I'm not a romantic guy, but I'm a great provider, I am always there to lean on, I'm a parent to wife's D12 and there for her.
I just don't know what's so wrong with me that makes her think uprooting her D12 again is better for them.
And then she found out her dad might have cancer, and her sister might have MS, and she changed her tune.
Those are some pretty major life-changers there. As difficult as this is, try to remember she's going through a lot right now and have some sympathy for her. If you're hyper-focused on your pain then that will appear to her as selfishness. I'm not saying you are being selfish, we're talking about her PERCEPTIONS which to her, are her realities.
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Just like before, I'm wracking my brain trying to find out what's so wrong with me that makes W think her life will be better without me in it.
Just try to stop for a second and quit assuming this is all about you. You've listed a lot of heavy, heavy stuff going on with her. She quit taking A/D's cold turkey. Dad may have cancer. Sister may have MS. She is scared, confused and angry right now. She needs something/ someone to blame and unfortunately that's you. You have to detach until she sorts things out.
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Of course I'm not perfect, I'm not a romantic guy, but I'm a great provider, I am always there to lean on, I'm a parent to wife's D12 and there for her.
Don't take this the wrong way, but that's boring stuff right there. BORING. If and when you do start reconciling with her, be the romantic guy. She needs someone to be sexy and flirty and saucy and a little bit of a bad boy with her. Especially when everything else is going poorly. She needs you to be her escape from the mundane.
