Oh, on a happy note, I should throw in something positive.... we have a patient with ADHD and is most likely somewhere on the spectrum pacing the halls today like a mile a minute. He is walking past my office and stops dead in his tracks and says “ wow, you are really beautiful” I thanked him very much.
Oh yeah, and I will finally say it. I’m not ugly. On the inside or the outside. I think I’m beautiful in both areas ( a little more on the inside maybe, where it counts )
. I did it all out of abandonment and fear. And it set the tone for pretty much my whole adulthood. And it’s in my face all the time.
I wish I could get out of here. Out of this state. Away from everything shoved in my face every day. I hope to get that chance one day.
so a trick I learned is that when triggered by your deepest pain, the only way to address it is to expand into it. get bigger, don't contract. does this make sense to you? this is here for you to conquer. I have zero doubt that you can do this, G. xoxoxo
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
1) You just need to start dating men that are worthy of you.
2) Your daughter may have a form of OCD. It can result in an eating disorder focused on whether something has the right texture or color, foods not touching, etc. She's old enough to learn to cook, maybe watching cooking shows together to get ideas and teaching her to cook could help her develop more of an appreciation for the joy of food. Also please never let her hear you discuss dieting or dissatisfaction with your weight.
I do really need to start to date men that are worthy of me. Ones who are secure enough to be able to handle a woman who treats them really good and appreciates it. The one who reciprocated instead of runs from it.
I’m definitely thinking she has some issue around food. I’ve broight it up multiple times to the pediatrician but she doesn’t see it as a problem because she does eat and she’s getting her nutrition and because she will eat chicken , steak, beef, veggies, and fruit, she’s fine. But cooked pretty much one way, to the perfect texture with only the seasoning she knows. And quite frankly it’s making me nuts. And it makes the people she eats with outside of the house nuts. If there is help for this, I want to get it. If it is truly a disorder I’ll just have to deal with and there is no help, then I’ll deal with it. But I need to see first if she is being a spoiled eater or she really has an issue.
And i signed her up for a cooking class a year and a half ago in the hopes she would like what she made because she made it. And the teacher made the kids try everything they made. It was an automatic “I don’t like it” with everything she tried. She never really even gives it a chance. I have offered her numerous times to go through my cookbooks, find something new and we could make it together. A whole lot of nope.
The only time I discuss my dieting or dissatisfaction with my weight is in the terms of health , and not physical appearance. I explain that I need to eat better or lose weight to get healthier. And she understands that. We discuss nutrition and health often, and balancing our treats with healthy snacks and not always eating when we aren’t truly hungry.
Bttrfly
I am often triggered by my deepest pain and I try to lean into it and grow from it. Some days it’s too much. And I can’t even deal. But I often do want to leave and not to totally escape. I make 6 figures and I’m poor here. I really have no family here that I couldn’t come back and visit. My dad loves an hour and a half away and we see each other once a month, maybe. My friends are wonderful, but I need a change. My friend needed a change, she moved to FL found herself a man, and is now getting married. Cost of living is very reasonable, she’s got a good job in a great hospital and visits Disney on her days off! She made a scary move but it certainly paid off for her and she is so happy.
But I can’t go anywhere. I’m stuck here until we figure out D’s college situation. She is the person I will never want to be too far from. But we got a good 5/6 years until then. So here I am, barely able to pay my bills on 6 figures. But it is what it is!!
No more complaining. I’m just down in a hole and being negative won’t get me out
She's old enough to learn to cook, maybe watching cooking shows together to get ideas and teaching her to cook could help her develop more of an appreciation for the joy of food.
The Great British Bakeoff is a lot of fun and I loved the positivity that the participants show. My daughter and I binge watched that and "Tidying Up" (apple doesn't fall far from the tree) the last time I was down for a visit.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Oh yeah, she loves baking shows. She will eat any baked good! Well, almost. We do watch chopped together. I mean, the kid plans her life around food. She just likes what she likes the way she likes it. Just like her father. Ugh.
