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Hi all,

Had a test to make sure the blood vessels in my neck aren't contributing to my intermittent vision problem. Results expected tomorrow. The nurse/tech didn't have a gurney waiting to rush me to surgery so there is that.

Spent the night before the test at my kids. Because they are much closer to the VA hospital and they offered. Watched the Jumanji movie with "The Rock". Nice installment, had a "Breakfast Club" feel to it.

Was in the house for about twenty minutes on Monday. BIL let me in before he had to leave for work. Sorted a little bit of mail and saw the gas bill has a substantial balance on it. My name, not been home, court order says she is responsible. She's been asking for help but won't cooperate with letting me know when I could be there or even to be home to reside there.

Bringing this up because I will have to move out of friend's place. Likely near the two kids. Maybe the floor above them or a few blocks away. Both have pros and cons. I'll need to have utilities so...
I suspect I will end up having the service shut off, get the final bill and pay it. Current internal debate is tell her before or after... or even at all. Don't want to be a jerk about it. Still have lots of stuff at home.

Court is in limbo here (closed) and next Wednesday there is a conference call between the judge and both lawyers. Happens to be on my birthday... I suppose it will be rough if I let it be...

Yeah... still wanting to R with her. Not as much but definitely not interested in a replacement. Just want her. Not sure how messed up that is... or even if that is normal.

I've been using a CPAP for about a week. First time I used it was at the kids. Daughter said I didn't snore and usually am very loud. She was worried and had to check that I was breathing. Does take a little getting used to. Exhaling against the pressure more than the mask.

Still have days where I tailspin and stuff gets dark. Not as often and fighting it off better. By that I mean it takes less time to get out of the tail spin. Sometimes it takes a frozen custard... sometimes its something a little less fattening. I miss going to the gym.

Praying for all of you. Comment or not but input is always welcome. Oh... Key Lime Pie frozen custard on the 23rd... you know I will. If you were close enough I'd invite ya and we could run them out. Oh yeah... that good.


H (me) 56 ; W 54 ; M 32 ; D 32 ; D 30 ; S 21 ; Grandkids: 12, 11, 10, 8, 1
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Newbie here and glad to be a part of this forum. Looking forward to meeting you all.

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anadybel,

Welcome. Please create a thread of your own so that we can assist you and tell us more about yourself and your situation.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Hey Turbine - Hope that your tests all come out clear.

Originally Posted by Turbine
Yeah... still wanting to R with her. Not as much but definitely not interested in a replacement. Just want her. Not sure how messed up that is... or even if that is normal.
That's very healthy and completely normal for someone who has gone through what we have. And you'll never replace her. Maybe on some distant date someone may come in to your life but that will be new and not a replacement.

It's normal to do that little kid's wish "please make it not have happened" and to want what you had as your normal.

Take as much time as you need to process through this so that no matter what your path, you come out of this stronger and more whole than you are now.

You are not the man you were when you met your W on deployment. You have grown, matured and are in a different place in your life. I look at it for me as a new path in my journey. If you do have someone to walk beside you, it needs to be the person for today's and tomorrow's Turbine, not yesterday's.

Originally Posted by Turbine
I've been using a CPAP for about a week. First time I used it was at the kids. Daughter said I didn't snore and usually am very loud. She was worried and had to check that I was breathing. Does take a little getting used to. Exhaling against the pressure more than the mask.
I've been using a CPAP for many years. I consider it to literally be a life-saver. You'll find that you had no concept of how tired you have been all the time for so very long once you get caught up on some "good" sleep and those fatigue poisons that have been accumulating in your body get all washed out.

Making sure you use it and are comfortable with it is the biggest challenge. But like a catalytic converter on a car (I have crappy analogies) your engine will run more smoothly with it than without it.

As a funny-to-me aside, my ex-wife used to joke that she would know exactly when the power would go out in our rural area because my machine would stop working and I'd start snoring loudly again.


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Originally Posted by job
anadybel,

Welcome. Please create a thread of your own so that we can assist you and tell us more about yourself and your situation.

Thank you so much.

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Spent the weekend with the two kids closest to me (geographically) looking at a few apartments. Got another one tonight. We grilled too.

The R looks unlikely atm. Yet while I may be putting one foot in front of the other, I am doing so with little enthusiasm.


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Originally Posted by Turbine

The R looks unlikely atm. Yet while I may be putting one foot in front of the other, I am doing so with little enthusiasm.


You certainly are much more patient than I would be.

Turbine, how do you think it looks to your WAW that you are still trying for R?


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Steve 85, I needed to take some time to come up with my response. I'd imagine it looks needy. Going with my coach's advice I'm going dark with her. Avoiding communications.

Had some conference call between the lawyers and the judge. Haven't heard from my L yet. Not feeling any trust with this one either.

My kids are firmly in the camp of I can do better. Talking with my son last night after game night he said he and his siblings don't recall their mother saying she loved me very often.

I'll admit that things got really stressful when my Mom died. Getting Dad to his dialyses three times a week. My sister and all her drama. Getting worse when Dad died. My sister still is a real pain and a distraction from what I want to focus on. Which at this point might be too late. I'm still praying for US.

I've been approved for the apartment above the child day care. Met Randy's GF. The two of them are going to be my roommates. Both are a little younger than my son. There is a grocery store right across the street and a frozen custard shop two blocks away. This place is about 4 or 5 blocks from my kids. So walking distance in nice weather.

To all the Dads here. Happy Father's Day.

Yes, not a terribly connected post. Then again not many of mine are.


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Got an email from the mortgage company about extending the forbearance. So while the court put her in the house and gave her responsibility she hasn't been paying the bills. From what I've read this seems typical. If I inform my L, is it something I should expect action on or more likely to be blown off? There was a status meeting and I have no idea what has changed. Shakespeare was wrong about Romeo and Juliet and right about lawyers...


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*from my phone*
Well... the next step has occurred. Sort of feel pushed into it. Storage locker almost empty. Moved stuff to the apartment. Last night at Ray's.

S is 23 tomorrow.

I have heard from my L. W and her L are ignoring requested information. Court by Zoom sometime after July 8. So another anniversary... Shouldn't bother me yet...

Oldest grandson told me a Dad joke.

When does a Dad joke become a Grandpa joke? When it's old.
Kid thinks, that's for certain.

Getting these thoughts out and written helped lift my spirits.

God bless you all.


H (me) 56 ; W 54 ; M 32 ; D 32 ; D 30 ; S 21 ; Grandkids: 12, 11, 10, 8, 1
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