Unless you're ice cold, I suspect the adrenaline is pumping right now, and your first action needs to be getting back into your right mind. Get onto Insight Timer, breathing exercises, repeating a calmness mantra, or whatever it is you do to get back to calmness.
Coolness and calmness must prevail when your W and D get back. If that means you're out when they get back, then so be it. It's going to be tempting to challenge her when she returns, but I wouldn't - not right now.
Leave a note on the door, and leave the house. Don't drive if you're heightened - just go for a huge walk - take your water bottle, headphones, phone, wallet keys etc.
Me: early 40's XW: nearly 50 T: 15 M: 5 BD: Jan 19 S:10 SS: 22 SD: 24
Thanks DS9, she came back as I was using the restroom and typing out my posts. I am calm. made some small talk with my daughter. Wife is on couch, not touching her devices. Weird.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Thanks DS9, she came back as I was using the restroom and typing out my posts. I am calm. made some small talk with my daughter. Wife is on couch, not touching her devices. Weird.
Ok. I don't know how your wife reacts to your telepgraphed emotions/demeanour (whihc you cant see but she can), but maybe the best thing you can do now is kind of act 'as if' nothing has happened, but be somewhat frosty and reserved around her, til you get right back into the Steve85 frame of mind that everyone on this forum turns to.
If she sweats on that, then that may be a good thing - she may worry and want to talk? If she does, I'd just listen, but maybe ask her to explain herself because you don't understand. If she wants a reply, just go into the I need time to think reply.
Anyway, focus solely on your D for now, then as soon as you are able, get out of the house for a while, but dont drive (maybe get a buddy to pick you up).
Remember the prevailing advice here - sometimes its better to say nothing.
Good luck mate
Me: early 40's XW: nearly 50 T: 15 M: 5 BD: Jan 19 S:10 SS: 22 SD: 24
Steve, I really give you credit for how you are handling yourself. Being the calm alpha male.
Her behavior really concerns me, in that I'm not sure she will ever change. She is an addict, and deep down, I think an unrepentant one. I suspect she's not sorry for her behavior, only that she got caught, and I suspect her behavior will continue when she feels safe to do it again.
I wish I could be more encouraging, but I am finding it hard to find anything redeeming in her actions. Please go slowly and carefully.
M:23 T:26 Me:53, Wife: 60 S:18 D:16 filed 7/16 W moved out 4/28/17
