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A Message from Michele
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Re: Itís never too late / LBS [Re: LillyL] #2861880
08/19/19 11:26 AM
08/19/19 11:26 AM
Joined: Aug 2019
Posts: 187
United Kingdom
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DaB35 Offline
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DaB35  Offline
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Joined: Aug 2019
Posts: 187
United Kingdom
I have hidden my wife from my Facebook feed. I have removed her from the 'relationship' tab as well. So I'm not appearing as single or anything really. She has done the same.

I don't really use Facebook very much (neither does she) now so the temptation to keep looking is not too strong thankfully.

It's awful because we always used to share little silly memes and gifs and things. It was nice.


Me - 36
W - 32
No kids
T - 8 yr (met 30 October 2010)
M - 3 yr (3 August 2016)
Discovery - 14 May 2019
Sep - 25 May 2019
D bomb - 29 July 2019
Online Papers sent off 18 August 2019
Re: Itís never too late / LBS [Re: DaB35] #2861885
08/19/19 12:21 PM
08/19/19 12:21 PM
Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 91
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LillyL Offline OP
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LillyL  Offline OP
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Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 91
Thanks Dan,

We both don't use it much as far as the timeline goes but I know my H uses the messenger and has private message dozens of women when we were still living together. I'm sure he's still doing the same now.

I am so sick about this, I wish it were hidden, seems like the dirty laundry is out there...

I couldn't sleep a wink last night and the only thing that did give me comfort is that he needs to go through this and it's a part of his journey I can't worry about. I just need to focus on mine. =)

Re: Itís never too late / LBS [Re: LillyL] #2861894
08/19/19 01:19 PM
08/19/19 01:19 PM
Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 91
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LillyL Offline OP
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LillyL  Offline OP
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Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 91
Journaling~~

I'm looking forward to IC on Wednesday. I hope that they are a good fit for me. I feel emotionally abused by this situation....

I wish I had some answers to why H went about things the way he did.

Why did he leave us?
Why didn't he get the help he said he was going to do?
Why wasn't I enough, why would he put his kids through the same thing he went through.

It just doesn't seem fair.

Re: Itís never too late / LBS [Re: LillyL] #2861898
08/19/19 01:46 PM
08/19/19 01:46 PM
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 7,173
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AnotherStander Offline
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AnotherStander  Offline
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Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 7,173
Lilly, regarding his changing his status, here's the thing. When you set boundaries and enforce them you get rebellion. That's part of it. What do you do in response? Ignore the rebellion and stick to your boundaries. See this for what it is- he's doing the Internet equivalent of throwing a temper tantrum and pouting. DO NOT give him the attention he's craving. He WANTS a negative reaction out of you, so if you confront him you are playing right into his hands. A much better response is to not respond at all. THAT will make him feel like you REALLY ARE detaching, which is the whole point, right?

Originally Posted by LillyL
Iím so disappointed in the way heís handling things.


Drop all expectations and prepare for much, much more disappointment from him.


Me: 58 w/ S16, D22, D25
Current R: 4 years
Previous M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:56
Re: Itís never too late / LBS [Re: LillyL] #2861908
08/19/19 02:54 PM
08/19/19 02:54 PM
Joined: Nov 2016
Posts: 461
Philadelphia
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Chris73 Offline
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Chris73  Offline
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Joined: Nov 2016
Posts: 461
Philadelphia
Hi Lilly. Jumping in late to your thread, but I know how you feel. My ex was doing her best "girls gone wild" impression while we were still living together (and supposedly trying to work things out). Her FB profile started to change over that time and I would notice comments on her page related to photos/posts that I hadn't seen... IOW, she was hiding posts from me. At first I unfollowed her, but it was too tempting to look her up. Then I blocked her entirely, but found myself stalking her friends' profiles for remnants of her. These days I don't FB much at all and I feel so much better not having that nagging feeling of having to post everything that I'm up to for friends that don't really care anyway! I know people whose entire divorces played out on FB. You don't want that!! If you still want to do social media make a private Instagram profile and only tell your close friends. It's more special that way.


M45 W47
M11 T14
S10 D7
BD: 2016/05/27
In-home separation: 2016/11/23
Nesting: 2017/06/11
W moves out: 2018/01/06
W goes public with OM: 2018/07/12
I ask for a divorce: 2018/12/14
Re: Itís never too late / LBS [Re: LillyL] #2861920
08/19/19 04:34 PM
08/19/19 04:34 PM
Joined: May 2019
Posts: 798
U
unchien Offline
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unchien  Offline
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Joined: May 2019
Posts: 798
I deleted FB and I barely log onto IG anymore. It feels fantastic not to get those pointless triggers.


M: 11, T: 15
S7, D5, D3
MC1: 09/2018-01/2019
BD: 06/12/19
MC2: 06/12/19-??
S: 06/29/19-??
Re: Itís never too late / LBS [Re: LillyL] #2861930
08/19/19 05:27 PM
08/19/19 05:27 PM
Joined: May 2019
Posts: 798
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unchien Offline
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unchien  Offline
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Posts: 798
Originally Posted by LillyL
I want to block him from social, my iPhone and just use email, but we have 2 kids.

I don't understand the connection between blocking him on social and the kids. Are you wanting to see pics of the kids that he posts?


M: 11, T: 15
S7, D5, D3
MC1: 09/2018-01/2019
BD: 06/12/19
MC2: 06/12/19-??
S: 06/29/19-??
Re: Itís never too late / LBS [Re: LillyL] #2861956
08/19/19 06:52 PM
08/19/19 06:52 PM
Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 91
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LillyL Offline OP
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LillyL  Offline OP
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Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 91
He doesnít really post things but I often capture moments and send them to him.

Itís mostly me sending pictures and updating him on whatís going on.

He canít use FaceTime to call the kids on my iPad when heís blocked...

Re: Itís never too late / LBS [Re: LillyL] #2861959
08/19/19 06:58 PM
08/19/19 06:58 PM
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 7,173
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AnotherStander Offline
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AnotherStander  Offline
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Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 7,173
Lilly- Google "snooze a Facebook friend". That will prevent you from seeing anything he posts without actually having to unfriend him. That's assuming you don't go snooping on his profile, you'll still see everything if you do that.


Me: 58 w/ S16, D22, D25
Current R: 4 years
Previous M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:56
Re: Itís never too late / LBS [Re: LillyL] #2861963
08/19/19 07:05 PM
08/19/19 07:05 PM
Joined: May 2019
Posts: 798
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unchien Offline
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unchien  Offline
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Joined: May 2019
Posts: 798
Yeah I mostly meant blocking or snoozing FB or IG.

How often are you sending him updates or pics? If it is obtrusive there are other ways. We do a weekly phone call to cover most logistical things... itís nice to compartmentalizations everything into a single discussion but it is also exhausting and not very enjoyable. It does limit the text quantity though.


M: 11, T: 15
S7, D5, D3
MC1: 09/2018-01/2019
BD: 06/12/19
MC2: 06/12/19-??
S: 06/29/19-??
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