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A Message from Michele
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Re: Still figuring things out [Re: Ginger1] #2861567
08/16/19 01:41 AM
08/16/19 01:41 AM
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 3,022
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LH19 Offline
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LH19  Offline
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Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 3,022
So sorry G.


M:50 W:45
T:22 M:16
S:14 D:10

ďDon't chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people - the ones who really belong in your life - will come to you and stay.Ē- Will Smith
Re: Still figuring things out [Re: Ginger1] #2861570
08/16/19 02:35 AM
08/16/19 02:35 AM
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 4,003
G
Ginger1 Offline OP
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Ginger1  Offline OP
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G
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 4,003
I donít have the nervy to say much, but appreciate all your kind words.

In a nut shell, he finally told me something was missing for him in the relationship. We are too different? When I brought up feeling duped and him bringing his son into life he said ďI made him feel bad so he went against his gut ď

How can I ever trust again? I believed he loved us. He told me our connection was amazing, he was so lucky and he loved me incredibly.

It was lies for a year of my life. How dare he hurt me and my daughter like that? Iíve been duped. And me father of year did this to his son too.

I am hurting beyond words. I thought someone finally chose me. Felt whole heartedly about me.

But I guess he didnít. His time spent with me was probably forced. He was trying to fake it until he made it. I feel dirty thinking about laying in his arms this weekend.

I feel just awful and I donít know Iím going to get over this deceit

Re: Still figuring things out [Re: Ginger1] #2861573
08/16/19 03:11 AM
08/16/19 03:11 AM
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 14,951
K
kml Offline
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kml  Offline
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K
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 14,951
What a creepy D-bag!!!!

Re: Still figuring things out [Re: Ginger1] #2861577
08/16/19 03:43 AM
08/16/19 03:43 AM
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 4,003
G
Ginger1 Offline OP
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Ginger1  Offline OP
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G
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 4,003
He really is. This is kind of unreal . Iím going to wake up in the morning and realize it happened and it wasnít a nightmare

I asked him to delete me from social media. He did. Then I blocked him. And I blocked his phone number. Iím having a hard time deleting the messages and pictures. But I just need too.

I am just feeling so fooled and blind sided. He said one thing one day and did the total opposite the other. It still doesnít add up. But I have to take what he is saying for face value.


I was a wonderful, passionate loving girlfriend he told me. Nothing I did. Something was missing for him.

The part that kills me? I have been told this in breakups before. This is not the first time someone told me I was wonderful but something was missing.

I guess my love is too much to handle. For the right guy, he will embrace it.

I have such a good crew who rallies around me. My friend/ social worker I work with in my office saw my have tears and I told her that I think my boyfriend is breaking up with me. She actually cried with me. And prayed with me. Sheís very religious. She gave me so much support. My best friend sat outside with me for hours listening to me. Picked up my daughter and brought her over. Her daughter and her husband gave me such big hugs and all the love.

My tribe is true and big. And they see me for me. And appreciate me. And love me. And nothing is missing for them. They love me. I am enough.

This is a painful ripping off of a bandaid.

I truly, with all my heart believed he loved me. I never actually doubted his love. Maybe his commitment, but never his love. And now I know it was all BS.

And that hurts and Iíll have to heal from it

Re: Still figuring things out [Re: Ginger1] #2861579
08/16/19 04:16 AM
08/16/19 04:16 AM
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 14,951
K
kml Offline
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kml  Offline
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K
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 14,951
I'm curious - I know you didn't socialize that much with him and your friends - but did any of your friends have a bad feeling about him?

Re: Still figuring things out [Re: Ginger1] #2861580
08/16/19 04:21 AM
08/16/19 04:21 AM
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 14,951
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kml Offline
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kml  Offline
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K
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Posts: 14,951
BTW good job blocking his A$$.

Re: Still figuring things out [Re: Ginger1] #2861581
08/16/19 04:27 AM
08/16/19 04:27 AM
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 1,572
Midwest
D
DonH Offline
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DonH  Offline
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Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 1,572
Midwest
I can't begin to tell you how sorry I am Ginger. I hate this for you. More than anything you've got to try to keep in mind this is ABOUT HIM - not you. He's just not in the right place. You are ready for a full, 100% committed love and he is not. Several times now I've said I think he and I are alike. The different may be is I know and acknowledge that I'm not looking to get married again or for what I thought I had with my wife. He either hoped he was or hoped he could rise to it.

I can't believe that he didn't love you - I have to believe and do believe that he did. I mean what kind of sadistic sociopath would set out to hurt someone on purpose by lying to them about loving them. I think when he told you he loved you he did - just in a limited way. This is totally about him.

I know that really doesn't make it hurt less but at least you have the piece of mind of knowing there is not a "what if" still hanging. There is no, what if you would have did this or not done that. There is no what if you were difference. This is on him. At least that is something.

You've gotten through the others and you will get through this too. Don't worry about deleting every photo and such right now. Blocking him is good. Not trying to chase him is even better. If you want or need to get rid of ever tiny reminder you can do that in due time - it doesn't have to be right now. And of course all of us are here for you.


DonH
Midwest
Me 56
WAW-EXW 55
Met 11/95 / Married 5/00
Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06
4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
Re: Still figuring things out [Re: Ginger1] #2861588
08/16/19 09:22 AM
08/16/19 09:22 AM
Joined: Jul 2017
Posts: 3,991
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TBSakaJ9 Offline
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Joined: Jul 2017
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G itís about him and nothing you did. I believe he did and/or does love you I just donít think he is ready for a R. I recall you having concerns around the six month mark with him displaying affection around his son so I think there were signs early on. It seems to me that the issues started once the R started getting real. It was no longer just about sex, going out for dinner and hanging out. I think he tried to make it work but realized he couldnít.

I am sorry, I know you are hurting.


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
Re: Still figuring things out [Re: Ginger1] #2861589
08/16/19 09:45 AM
08/16/19 09:45 AM
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 2,716
Canada
A
AndrewP Online
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AndrewP  Online
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Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 2,716
Canada
And Ginger, having gone through similar just recently myself I know that we can get caught up on the over-analyzing. What you felt was real. And your reality is that he loved you too. Accept that as being the reality.

We hear it all the time here. People re-writing history and coming up with bogus and vague reasons for ending a relationship. "I never loved you", "you use too much cheese in your lasagna", "your house has too many stairs". Rarely do you hear people talk about the real reasons. Perhaps they don't know them themselves. And it doesn't really matter. It's them.

I believe you have a few days off coming up. I hope you take that time to just chill out and relax. You've got your D who I hope is taking this OK but will probably struggle a bit and your little leg-humper who probably won't notice other than the fact that you are hurting.

Then find you again. It's easy to get lost in a relationship I've found. Stay out of the dating pool for a while. Somebody peed in it anyway.

Big hugs my friend ((((Ginger1))))


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Re: Still figuring things out [Re: Ginger1] #2861590
08/16/19 10:00 AM
08/16/19 10:00 AM
Joined: Apr 2018
Posts: 740
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ballast Offline
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ballast  Offline
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Joined: Apr 2018
Posts: 740
Very sorry to hear this lady ((((((((Ginger1))))))))

I haven't followed your dating him since the beginning, but in the time that I have it seems you were a convenience to him rather than a priority and you towards him was the opposite. Can't work like that in truth for either of you long term, BUT I do believe it possible that he did love you. His inability to provide it to you in the way you needed vs perhaps how he felt he couldn't meet your expectations could have caused him to make the decision he did.

All of us will come and go through happiness and heartbreak until we each find that person for us. Keep going girl, love your D, endure through this as it just frees you up to more special moments yet to come in your life. This is but a necessary part of your life to get you to the place you are ultimately meant to be. There is a man out there who will find you, love you and stay G.

-B


Me:34 W:40
D1:4
M:7 T:8
BD:3/18
D Final: 7/19
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