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A Message from Michele
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Re: Awaiting Actions (LB55 #5) [Re: LB55] #2878564
01/03/20 03:17 AM
01/03/20 03:17 AM
Joined: Apr 2019
Posts: 615
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IronWill Offline
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IronWill  Offline
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Originally Posted by LB55
Originally Posted by ovrrnbw
Hey LB, was thinking about you the other day. Hope this Christmas was about a million times better than last Christmas for you.


Thanks for thinking of me! I'm not on here a ton anymore, probably check in once every 2-3 weeks. Nothing much has changed in my situation.

I am doing better for the most part, there are still days that stink, mostly when I hear from W so I guess im still affected by that. Most recently she told me my son had homework over the Christmas standdown. I picked them up on the 20th. Never thought to ask as its christmas break and i never had homework over christmas break. She waited until Christmas eve to let me know about the homework. We worked some of it christmas eve. I didn't have him work on it Christmas day. The kids went back to her on the 26th. Then I get a message that I am an irresponsible parent and am putting a ton of stress on my son and W because now he has all this homework to do that I failed to get done.

Christmas was better this year, spent with my sister and family, kids were with me this year. We had a great time and the kids really appreciated being with family and having a relaxing holiday. Their behavior changed dramatically over the week they were with us. Went from being entitled brats to helping with the dishes voluntarily within just a few days. They stopped playing on their tablets mostly voluntarily to spend time with their cousins. So all in all, a good change from last year!! Son shot a deer, so we got to celebrate that and do lots of work to get all the meat put away.

Still not sure what I should do with my situation. I know I don't have to do anything and that the feeling of 'doing' something is just an illusion that wastes time and money. I want to be done with this most days; yet there are days where I would still consider going back. Not sure why I would; she is so toxic and vengeful I am not sure I could ever risk going through this again with her...she hasn't done any work on herself...still just blames others for her problems. Uses the guilt card incessantly. But as long as there is someone to blame...the problem is solved from her point of view. I am tired of being blamed, even if I can recognize that I am not actually at fault for most of the things. Its tough to take on a regular basis.


Hey LB - good to hear from you!

I imagine it must be tiring to hear of how things are all your fault. My W did that for months before I told her point blank I was not interested in hearing all my faults again. For me, it worked - after I said that, it caused fire and brimstone but it stopped.

It is very unfortunate when WASes use children to project their emotional baggage onto the LBS. I don't have kids so I don't have much of a reference point other than with my nephews.

I would tell you to stay strong but you already are a master at that. Try not to let her words get to you. It's hard, man - all of us here are still attached, at least a little - otherwise why else would we be on a site called DB?

I'm into the marathon part of this now, too. I haven't given up yet either, but I would say for the first time I'm starting to think about it. I don't because I told myself I would do everything I possibly could. That way I would have a clear conscience. I think you might be in the same boat, man.

Take care!

Re: Awaiting Actions (LB55 #5) [Re: Ready2Change] #2878604
01/03/20 03:39 PM
01/03/20 03:39 PM
Joined: Dec 2018
Posts: 356
USA
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LB55 Offline OP
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LB55  Offline OP
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Joined: Dec 2018
Posts: 356
USA
Originally Posted by Ready2Change

Sounds like a good Christmas. My oldest son shot his first elk this year. Good times.

As far as your W, Sometimes it is OK to call BS on things. Sometimes is is OK to shine the light on who is the REAL irresponsible parent. Most of the time, I just let it slide.



W:"H, You are an irresponsible parent and you are putting a ton of stress on me and S because now he has all this homework to do that you failed to get done."


H:"We both have VERY different views on what constitutes being an irresponsible parent. Regardless of our differences, I appreciate you letting me know about this issue. Hopefully in the future one of you will let me know in advance that there is homework to be done. Regards"

or

H:"I am sorry you are stressed over S homework"


Thanks R2C

I effectively did that, said if I had more notice that we would have worked on it more. I also said I wasn't sorry for not making him work on Christmas day to save her the stress of having to work on homework. Maybe not the best but it is how I feel.

She is doing the irresponsible parent thing to continue to try and prove in a court that I shouldn't ever see the kids or be around them. I'd love to let this stuff slide as it really isn't a big deal and I don't owe an explanation to her; however she will present that as indifference about the kids to show I don't care to be around them and won't help her parent. So I feel like I must continue to defend myself. I work hard to stay away from the 'you' statements and stick to the 'I' statements to help minimize escalation. It kind of works.

Nearly every communication is loaded with blame and shirks responsibility for her choices and the consequences. Its quite frustrating but there is nothing I can do about it. Sometimes I wait days to read her emails because I don't want to deal with her emotional onslaught at that point in time.

Nice that your son got an elk! That is a big animal with lots of good meat! Congrats to him!


Me40; W38; S12; D9
BD11/19/2018 D filed 12/20/18
No progress in any direction yet.
Fighting for whatís best for the kids. Itís all I can do.
Re: Awaiting Actions (LB55 #5) [Re: LB55] #2878673
01/03/20 09:52 PM
01/03/20 09:52 PM
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 7,471
Colorado
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Ready2Change Offline
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Posts: 7,471
Colorado
I was successful on my moose hunt as well. My standup freezer is full.


My X is the same way. It has been 10 years. All of our communication is via email. Been very sparse the last few years. Email records was good if I had needed "proof" in court. I believe the courts see though most of the BS, but always good to be on the cautious side.


"What is best for my kids is best for me"
Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Re: Awaiting Actions (LB55 #5) [Re: LB55] #2889996
03/21/20 05:29 AM
03/21/20 05:29 AM
Joined: Dec 2018
Posts: 356
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LB55 Offline OP
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LB55  Offline OP
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Joined: Dec 2018
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Just checking in yíall...nothing much changed...still very little effective communication...just want it to be over. Less stress in my life will be a good thing. Being the best dad I can be while working 15 hour days and everything is closed due to COVID 19.

Sunny and 60 tomorrow...gonna go play disc golf with the kids.


Me40; W38; S12; D9
BD11/19/2018 D filed 12/20/18
No progress in any direction yet.
Fighting for whatís best for the kids. Itís all I can do.
Re: Awaiting Actions (LB55 #5) [Re: LB55] #2893841
05/01/20 02:36 AM
05/01/20 02:36 AM
Joined: Dec 2018
Posts: 356
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LB55 Offline OP
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LB55  Offline OP
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Joined: Dec 2018
Posts: 356
USA
Well hereís the end of another month. WW filed paperwork to move in with her BF. He has a 2Br house and is trying to move WW and both kids in. Not sure if she just thinks she can abandon our house and move or what. Or why this is best for the kids. Iím working on filing an objection because this is clearly not whatís best for the kids. To move out of their house, away from their school, friends, dad, and grandparents...all so she can live with her BF.

Plus she has been withholding visitation so Iím filing contempt of court paperwork at the same time. Going to get ugly quick friends. Havenít seen the kids in over a month. This hurts me more than anything. Not seeing them at all is killing me.

Have been working a lot of hours and itís catching up to me. Iím so tired. Havenít been around here much but just came to update and vent a bit.

No sign of any interest in actually getting divorced or working towards a settlement. I know this is all a matter of disrespect towards me but yet Iím still just taking it for the most part. I struggle internally a lot to remain calm and live for myself and improve while under a ton of stress that seems like would be greatly reduced if i just went for a trial and forced this to be over.

Sigh.


Me40; W38; S12; D9
BD11/19/2018 D filed 12/20/18
No progress in any direction yet.
Fighting for whatís best for the kids. Itís all I can do.
Re: Awaiting Actions (LB55 #5) [Re: LB55] #2893842
05/01/20 04:51 AM
05/01/20 04:51 AM
Joined: May 2019
Posts: 1,412
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unchien Offline
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Posts: 1,412
LB ~ I was wondering today how things were going for you.

I'm really sorry you are going through this. I'm going through a milder version and the stress is unbelievable, I can't imagine how you feel.

What is stopping you from the trial route? I'm not pushing you in that direction, just curious.

Re: Awaiting Actions (LB55 #5) [Re: LB55] #2893844
05/01/20 12:44 PM
05/01/20 12:44 PM
Joined: Apr 2019
Posts: 615
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IronWill Offline
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IronWill  Offline
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Posts: 615
Hey LB - good to hear from you. Sorry things are still [censored]. Sometimes life just keeps throwing those punches.

Has there been any attempt at communication at all? Looks like W is still off the rails like mine - nothing makes sense in this world. Logic has gone missing

Keep yourself grounded in reality and try to keep all emotions and reactions out of any interactions.

Take care, man - stay strong smile

Re: Awaiting Actions (LB55 #5) [Re: LB55] #2893937
05/02/20 04:44 PM
05/02/20 04:44 PM
Joined: Dec 2018
Posts: 356
USA
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LB55 Offline OP
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LB55  Offline OP
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Joined: Dec 2018
Posts: 356
USA
Thanks friends.

U-A trial isnít what I want. Thatís whatís stopping me. Itís expensive and Iíll get roughly the same deal as if we can work out a settlement. Iím hopeful that all of the work my attorney and I are doing will bring her to the negotiation table. This needs to get done. Itís been 18 months and she is trying to move in with someone an hour and a half away but doesnít have any interest in finishing our business.

IW - Sounds like things arenít much better from your comments...sorry man this is such a tough thing for all of us. There has been communication; she tells me regularly that this is my fault, that if I would just stop fighting this would be so much easier, etc. Iíve sent her one settlement proposal and she went line by line to tell me why I was wrong on every single thing. So I sent the same proposal to my attorney and that is the line in the sand for me. I think Iíve got a pretty solid case against the kids moving and sheís gonna be hot!!! Sheís already moved a whole bunch of stuff. Sheís already told the kids theyíre moving. Itís gonna be a rough ride for sure.

Thanks for the support; Iíll try and get caught up on your situations here soon. Cheers and stay strong!


Me40; W38; S12; D9
BD11/19/2018 D filed 12/20/18
No progress in any direction yet.
Fighting for whatís best for the kids. Itís all I can do.
Re: Awaiting Actions (LB55 #5) [Re: LB55] #2893941
05/02/20 05:09 PM
05/02/20 05:09 PM
Joined: Dec 2019
Posts: 77
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jstrembr Offline
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Joined: Dec 2019
Posts: 77
Originally Posted by LB55

U-A trial isnít what I want. Thatís whatís stopping me. Itís expensive and Iíll get roughly the same deal as if we can work out a settlement. Iím hopeful that all of the work my attorney and I are doing will bring her to the negotiation table. This needs to get done. Itís been 18 months and she is trying to move in with someone an hour and a half away but doesnít have any interest in finishing our business.


Hi LB55, I don't really have anything to add, other than to say I'm here with you as well. It's hard, but agree with your thoughts on trial, certainly expensive and just leads to the same outcome.

I don't have kids with my current wife, and we don't really have much to split as far as assets. Very simple case, and yet I'm experiencing the same thing. Just her living a new life and not take the time to finish her old one, and in my case it's not even that she doesn't agree, she just won't take the effort to get it done. It's tough sometimes to handle that type of disrespect, but I try to just keep doing my best and it sounds like you are too!

Re: Awaiting Actions (LB55 #5) [Re: LB55] #2893948
05/02/20 07:10 PM
05/02/20 07:10 PM
Joined: Feb 2019
Posts: 673
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dillydaf Offline
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Joined: Feb 2019
Posts: 673
Hi LB, sorry to hear your update. You sound pretty detached from her though smile I hope you get somewhere legally with being able to see your kids and not have her move them away, that is rough. Have a hug (())

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