CALL 303-444-7004 to get started right away!

 

 


A Divorce Busting® Coach can help you save your marriage, even when your spouse wants out.


A Divorce Busting Telephone Coach
can help you save your marriage singlehandedly!
CALL 303-444-7004
or see Coaching Packages online at the Divorce Busting Store

A Message from Michele
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 5 of 9 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9
Re: Misadventures in Getting A Life III [Re: CWarrior] #2861130
08/12/19 06:58 PM
08/12/19 06:58 PM
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 5,701
S
Steve85 Offline
Member
Steve85  Offline
Member
S
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 5,701
Originally Posted by CWarrior
Hi Steve, at +9# from where Iím now, I was summarily rejected from one expedition for being too out-of-shape for the team to be confident I could complete it. A second (similar) expedition had physical try-outs. I outperformed all others and was selected as its leader (for skill/experience). People still judge based on weight. I think itís easier to lose weight and not deal with the issue than argue ďI may be a few extra pounds, but I really can do it..Ē

I met this woman while accomplishing a physical feat. That helped.

Her physical prowess is a plus. It means she can go on amazing adventures with me!


None of that addresses what I said. If you have to lose 16 lbs to attract a woman...that woman probably isn't worth attracting.


M(50), W(51),D(15)
M-20, T-22 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Re: Misadventures in Getting A Life III [Re: CWarrior] #2861290
08/14/19 06:33 AM
08/14/19 06:33 AM
Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 511
C
CWarrior Offline OP
Member
CWarrior  Offline OP
Member
C
Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 511
Originally Posted by Steve85
None of that addresses what I said. If you have to lose 16 lbs to attract a woman...that woman probably isn't worth attracting.

Touchť, and you're right, it's probably the life changes I make that coincide with the weight loss that make me more attractive, e.g., being able to talk about the death-defying experience of free climbing to overcome an obstacle to my backpacking trip and complete a 20+ mile day with a heavy pack in the dark. smile


GAMEPLAN:
1. Retransform into someone fit to lead epic adventures
2. Build trust and closeness with some lucky lady
a. Allow my partner time to become her
b. Be ready to date in a few months
Re: Misadventures in Getting A Life III [Re: CWarrior] #2861292
08/14/19 06:54 AM
08/14/19 06:54 AM
Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 511
C
CWarrior Offline OP
Member
CWarrior  Offline OP
Member
C
Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 511
The 10/10 feeling Saturday continued through Sunday and Monday. Today was 8/10. After seeing a friend who's anti-me, my girlfriend took a small step back. My IC was surprised how little her backing out of a plan affected me. I kept on with my plan, went with someone else, and shared the story with others.

Life is good. My girlfriend is making positive changes. I'm GAL and less attached.

Last edited by CWarrior; 08/14/19 06:55 AM.

GAMEPLAN:
1. Retransform into someone fit to lead epic adventures
2. Build trust and closeness with some lucky lady
a. Allow my partner time to become her
b. Be ready to date in a few months
Re: Misadventures in Getting A Life III [Re: CWarrior] #2861294
08/14/19 07:34 AM
08/14/19 07:34 AM
Joined: Apr 2019
Posts: 216
H
Hallzy9 Offline
Member
Hallzy9  Offline
Member
H
Joined: Apr 2019
Posts: 216
Good to hear CW, donít let her actions to you down. Thatís awesome you were able to roll with the changes and didnít have any bad feelings about it. Shows you are detaching well. Thatís good sheís making changes, it seems like in most stitches they make the changes far too late once the lbs has moved on. Hopefully she will continue.


Me: 26 W:26
T:6 M:1 S: 1
BD: 3/26/19
DBing: 4/12/19
Separation: 5/20/19
I filed: 8/7/19
Re: Misadventures in Getting A Life III [Re: CWarrior] #2861507
08/15/19 05:13 PM
08/15/19 05:13 PM
Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 511
C
CWarrior Offline OP
Member
CWarrior  Offline OP
Member
C
Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 511
Wed/Thu - happiness 8's, 9's, and 10's still.

My thread is a success in that my happiness and life are back on track. My partner has improved her communication (20-minutes of daily calls, being open, discussing feelings, recovering from conflicts faster), loves me, is committed to a future together, is working to become best friends, is working to merge our families despite separate homes, and is open to removing the obstacles to a family life in one home.

My thread is a failure in that she's moved out and won't move in unless her daughter graduates or stops hating the idea. (And, I don't know if I would subject my kids to living together again fulltime as-is. I'd like her to work on managing her neurodegenerative disease, and I'd like our kids get along better.) I think this is a give it time thing. Keep enjoying life. See where the chips fall after a few months and holidays.

Her daughter started middle school today in her old community an hour away. She sent a pic, and I called to chat. Expressed my 75% excitement about her first day of middle school and my 25% sadness it was there and not here. No guilt, no persuasion. They're coming over after school to spend the evening.

I guess that's all for now. I may stop posting on this thread.


Last edited by CWarrior; 08/15/19 05:22 PM.

GAMEPLAN:
1. Retransform into someone fit to lead epic adventures
2. Build trust and closeness with some lucky lady
a. Allow my partner time to become her
b. Be ready to date in a few months
Re: Misadventures in Getting A Life III [Re: CWarrior] #2861517
08/15/19 06:12 PM
08/15/19 06:12 PM
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 5,701
S
Steve85 Offline
Member
Steve85  Offline
Member
S
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 5,701
Why would you stop posting?


M(50), W(51),D(15)
M-20, T-22 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Re: Misadventures in Getting A Life III [Re: CWarrior] #2861523
08/15/19 06:48 PM
08/15/19 06:48 PM
Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 511
C
CWarrior Offline OP
Member
CWarrior  Offline OP
Member
C
Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 511
Steve, the day-by-day struggle's over, and this relationship is no longer my focus.

Last edited by CWarrior; 08/15/19 06:50 PM.

GAMEPLAN:
1. Retransform into someone fit to lead epic adventures
2. Build trust and closeness with some lucky lady
a. Allow my partner time to become her
b. Be ready to date in a few months
Re: Misadventures in Getting A Life III [Re: CWarrior] #2861524
08/15/19 06:52 PM
08/15/19 06:52 PM
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 5,701
S
Steve85 Offline
Member
Steve85  Offline
Member
S
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 5,701
So are you where you want you be?

Last edited by Steve85; 08/15/19 06:52 PM.

M(50), W(51),D(15)
M-20, T-22 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Re: Misadventures in Getting A Life III [Re: CWarrior] #2861528
08/15/19 07:22 PM
08/15/19 07:22 PM
Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 511
C
CWarrior Offline OP
Member
CWarrior  Offline OP
Member
C
Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 511
No, I want to be planning to live with my partner, get married, maybe have another child. I don't control those things. I control how long I wait. We'll see where she's at in a few months (checkpoint). I am happy. I am satisfied this relationship is no longer toxic. I do see her making positive changes.

In the meantime, I'm focusing on other dreams. smile

Last edited by CWarrior; 08/15/19 07:32 PM.

GAMEPLAN:
1. Retransform into someone fit to lead epic adventures
2. Build trust and closeness with some lucky lady
a. Allow my partner time to become her
b. Be ready to date in a few months
Re: Misadventures in Getting A Life III [Re: CWarrior] #2861806
08/18/19 03:25 PM
08/18/19 03:25 PM
Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 511
C
CWarrior Offline OP
Member
CWarrior  Offline OP
Member
C
Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 511
I've thought a bit more about what "showing she's committed to a future together" may look like without immediately moving in (1-8yrs), marriage (distant), or children (never).

She's talking more (achieved), spending more time together (achieved), and planning time together with our kids (starting today!). Some next steps could include introducing me to her parents, updating her FB status to show we're a couple, including me in major life decisions, spending enough time with her friends so they know me, and exchanging/wearing promise or engagement rings.

I'm leaving it to her to find ways to show more commitment. After a week, I reminded her Friday it's still an open item.. but I won't bring it up more than every week or two, argue, or persuade. ::shrug:: I haven't forgotten my plan. Doing my research (PLENTY of articles on "Signs he/she is committed!") helps convince me she can do this if she wants to. And, again, she has been taking positive steps this week.

Last edited by CWarrior; 08/18/19 03:25 PM.

GAMEPLAN:
1. Retransform into someone fit to lead epic adventures
2. Build trust and closeness with some lucky lady
a. Allow my partner time to become her
b. Be ready to date in a few months
Page 5 of 9 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

Moderated by  Cadet, job, Virginia 

Save Your Marriage! Schedule Online

Schedule a phone consultation with a Divorce Busting® Coach! Call: 800-664-2435 or 303-444-7004