Her family's mindset is everybody can still get along and go to family functions and be friends and all this other stuff, bring future relationship mates etc... maybe one day when I'm ready for it, years down the road when im detached.
My XW had an aunt and uncle who divorced and the resulting two families got along so well they would go camping together. I think my XW had a fantasy this would have been us. Her aunt and uncle both agreed to leave on good terms, there was no affair, one of them didn't just walk away, and there was still trust in the relationship. None of that happened in our divorce.
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Otherwise..SEPERATED!!! Good luck to you and your new life, I wish you well.
You said it perfectly in my mind.
Last edited by rooskers; 10/04/1909:12 PM.
1st BD December 26, 2008 PA admitted to by XW December 29, 2008
2nd BD May 23, 2019 Daughter confirms EA Divorce Finalized July 18, 2019
Hey guys. I was losing my F@$KIN mind last night all through this morning in terror. My reality is becoming my literal nightmares, and my nightmares my reality. I was having not a nightmare but a dream last night about being in a house with a lot of rooms that combined all the places XW and I lived including current one. I was going through a lot of her stuff and my stuff and discovering new rooms that never existed. I was getting prepared to leave. (This is a dream theme with me with my parents home as well.) I was caught in a dream loop where I thought I was awake but wasn't. So when I actually did wake up, I bolted out the bedroom door, past the XW and into the kitchen, had a few deep breaths, had a bowl of serial, and XW asked if. I was ok. I decided to tell her about the dream anyway. She just made sure I was ok, and went to bed.
I know no one here is going to be able to help me with this so I am just journaling in a sense. I don't expect answers or responses from anyone, but I just need to get this off my chest. There's been a strange number of coincidences and signs the last couple of days.
Just so everyone is updated on my situation. I was going over the numbers this last weekend to see how my income will stack up with me living out of the marital home in my own place. With current costs with S2's daycare, some remedial behavioral training costs for S2, and living expenses, if I barely eat, and never go out, and I've been crunching the numbers, I will still be $100 in the red a month. That's even before CS which we still haven't figured out yet. I've been paralyzed with fear, but slowly moving through it torwards strength with prayer. I feel like a prisoner in my own home. BIL has moved in. W ignores me for the last how many 7 months. Im off the mortgage note by her actions. But I won't sign the quit claims deed or accept the terms for a paltry $5k incentive without a L reviewing such. XW has PSA agreement drawn up to split equity when house sells next year. I cannot afford a L the moment. I'm still concerned leaving the M home, and abandonment issues legally speaking, (XW knows this, in past suggested some form of written agreements to alievate. (Don't know if she has changed her mind and is coming after me? ) I put down a down a deposit for a rental today.
So since this last Dec, a cousin of mine has been pushing me to start up a new business as a XYZ lets say, for solely my own benefit. But it would require me to be 1099 contractor with an insurance adjustment company. I would have to upfront startup costs for tools, truck, PIP, etc. I would have to tap my retirement for a 3rd time in the last 10 years, and most likely take it all out this time to startup business, survive, and pad all living and business cost. I have only about 40k. I'm concerned about tax and CS implications. Im scared because I don't know if I can handle all the responsibility. But I don't see any other choice in the matter as far as surviving. I have also expressed my concerns about 50/50 custody with XW and current work schedule, trying to find a way to make it work, she is adamant about not having it, and rejecting 50/50 custody over last week discussions.
Where things get really weird and scary is. For the last 3 days I've gotten this strange intuition to see a psychic, and pop ups from my phone browser unsolicited for all things concerning my STBXW sign Aries. (I'm a Virgo) I read one of them the other night, and it spoke of several uncanny things that perfectly describe my XW current state, emotions, intentions, etc. I was going to email it to her the other night, but held back. Also for the last 3 days I have been drawn to YouTube videos about Christianity, being saved, spiritual struggle, rejecting sin, dying to self, and not messing with the occult, etc, Being a Godly man/husband woman/wife, etc. I haven't been actively looking for these things. They just pop up in my feeds out of nowhere and I view them. It seems like every time I want to or start to get detached and focus on myself. The whole God teachings brings me back to trying to be more understanding, compassionate, patient, and hopeful from a distance, while allowing them to be them, and do them, without any interference from me. But it still gives me false hope. Not in the Lord. But the XW. Im still struggling with reforming some of my habits.
So where it gets even stranger is my S2 went into W room the other night, so I had to get him. I discovered my XW went to go see a psychic. I acquired this information from one of her notebooks that S2 grabbed.
This is where it gets scary. I really hate airing my XW "dirty laundry" in public, I just want to say that don't take any joy or pleasure in doing such, as it is not a good thing to do, don't mean to have mal-intent, but the irony and coincidences of all this is uncanny. Its really scaring me because of its accuracy, its implications, and the fact that XW is messing with it, and I don't know what do with it, and as always, it takes time for me to accept and recover every time I learn something more profound of significance. (The last 24 hrs have been subject to panic for me, but I'm good now.) I don't intend to shame her, judge her, or exploit her. I understand its invasion of privacy, even if I just come across things in passing, I know I should probably look the other way and focus on me. That I shouldn't be publishing this kind of stuff to make me feel better. But I am genuinely concerned without saying or indicating anything to her. Its hard for me to hold it in, and is upsetting. It may not mean anything.
I have been known throughout the entire relationship of 12 years to look at XW's journal from very early on from year one. I've made her aware of this from early on as well as I did it to understand her better out of concern, there are things I have learned about her in time about past BF's, and resentments and disappointment with me as well as them, patterns of behavior with her, that I would have never learned because she stuffs her true feelings down and keeps secrets. I'm really not great at keeping secrets or holding onto them, except when it comes to really really personal stuff. I am am open book that tells the truth even if it hurts me. She knows this about me, and I can understand why someone would view it as an invasion of privacy, feel controlled and untrustworthy. She stopped writing years ago because of this. I can understand why trust can be broken because of these things, and I really need to not bring this kind if insecurity into my next R. I've been cheated in a few time in the past. For the most part I always trusted W until this recent year after BD.
Her notes from Psychic:
Medium predicted her maiden name. That her paternal grandmother was spirit guide. Arms open to her. That either Grandmother or XW has a fear of dying. Difficulty walking. Constant worry. (XW complained about knees after her GAL this Sat.) Virus related.
Spirit (Paternal Grandmother whom XW never met but is very similar to came greet her. ) Advised wants to help her with family conflict. For XW to wash hands of negative person causing conflict. (Me.) That my intentions aren't good. She wrote down "You can't divorce family." (This is something my brother and family has always said to me.) She correlated that with me, and that I am up to no good. That she should be careful. That I have a strong personality. That she has to seperate herself from male figure.
This part regarding my S2 was remarkable. It goes even further to predict and elaborate on my S2's current personality, behaviot, situation and relationship with XW and MIL. MIL and XW adore S2 and he is their world. That S2 is on spectrum of developmentally challenged. That he is an explorer, he learns by doing, is sensitive and empathetic, is an old soul sent to help earth. That he needs space to explore, not to keep a tight rope on him, that he will face challenges in public school settings, too much resistance will backfire. That his Grandmother (MIL or XW deceased paternal GM.) will be his guide. Medium also goes on to advise XW that she should push for primary custody, and is adamant not to do joint custody or 50/50 custody. That more time with XW is better with her and for her. She should talk with a lawyer(s), and get an agreement that XW will not agree or pay alimony or CS. Not to let communication with me get under skin.
Heart healing: Ask for protection for XW and S2, that she has been hurt.
Medium confirmed that "I would not hurt or harm S2" (Apparantly a fear of XW with no example or merit.)
Fulfillment of wishes is money and child support. Its also forecasted I will be making good money in future. Forecasted that she will be switching jobs or asking for a raise. Increase in salary in new job position and also asking for more child support.
Marriage: Suffering in silence. (Yeah like she's the only one as a result of her actions.)
Hope: Positive outcome. To trust gut instinct.
Confidence 100% in Patience and Planning: payoff is good and academic and nature may possibly be going back to school again within the next year.
Inheritance: 3 money cards together. That things are coming to fruition. She was advised to push herself more in her career. Take more classes. (This I find kind of funny because she has done nothing but complain how much he wants to quit her job, do something purposeful with her life, and how miserable she is over the last 4 or 5 years, and that is sucking the life out of her.) She already has her Masters and her ABA and Behavioral as well as sign language courses another certifications related to the education field. She was also advised to push for more money and find a new partner that makes more money. To look for someone stable in a good job. (My work history has always been a little irregular.) Advised to focus on herself for 2 years. No new partner until Sept. 21st. (This is ironic because it is the end of the Virgo cycle. My cycle.)
I was going to list even more horoscopes of significance to sich, but don't want to overwhelm the readers. XW wanted to actually make chit chat about her day with S2, and a few other things. I listened, validated, had a few laughs over trivial things. She actually offered to make me dinner, and brought it to me. I almost died! I thanked her graciously. She went on to say she may bring S2 to go away this weekend for family gathering if he feels better. (I volunteered to watch him on my weekend off if he needed to stay back because of ear infection and cold.) She tried to temp check me again. Every time she goes away, she make playful comments about me ordering up hookers and having parties. I gave her the "The last thing I need in my life right now is ANOTHER WOMAN!" So she interprets and spins ANOTHER like? What do you mean by ANOTHER? (Multiple) and starts saying, they're my words. So Im like: Its you're perception you can interpret it any way you like. My extra ciricular activities are no longer of your concern... Lol...
I can't wait to move. I just hope im not legally screwing myself, and hope I can find a way to swing all the expenses and CS. I'm scared, and actually doing this on a wing and a prayer. I was hurting and anxious all day and couldn't breath from those notes that I read. All day long I felt like evil was around me. Then it lifted after I got home. I'm ok emotionally with parting ways from XW and having seperate spaces, detaching and moving on.. But its still hard to accept and it hurts there may be someone else in her and S2's life in the future, and the possibility that XW may fight me on 50/50 I don't want to be the bad guy, but I'm not going to let her control the lead on this one. I don't want to be the bad guy. But I will if path comes to shove. I still think what she is doing, and consulting mediums is not socially wrong but spiritually wrong. I just don't want to see her go down the wrong path with God and spurts and demons and stuff. She is a Christian. If the medium is right. (Boy was that accurate.) Then Im in for a whirlwind ride. I hope she finds herself, finds her happiness, her self esteem, her self worth, etc, and her purpose, but through God's purpose, will, and prayer... (I've looked into all these things before in the past. The Secret. Eckhart Tolle, Yoga, Reiki, Chakras, Acupuncture, Chinese Medicine, The Law of Attraction, etc, all for anxiety, wellness and health. Had one strage experience and stopped.) Its a road I can no longer follow. I just need to pull myself out of some bad sins and habits. But I want Jesus, I want God, and no other substitute. I hope he can help us. Regardless of which way we go.
Alright talk about mood swing... ( On my part and for the better.) Was having fun tonight with S2, genuinely happy, jokey even. As if I didn't have a care in the world, and caught a glimpse of my old self. Don't know why? Don't know if it's because I am securing a new apt. Don't know if it's because I faced a fear? And it's off my chest? Its weird. This roller coaster of emotions is ridiculous. Sometimes I have to remind myself to put this whole thing down, and just laugh a little. I was nice as pie tonight and genuinely smiling. We made some small chit chat about random stuff. XW was struggling to administer nebulizer to S2. So I tried to distract him during setup. We both tried to work with him on it. She asked me for a lot of help tonight, so I offered it. XW was somewhat in a good mood until that. You could tell she was a little annoyed. I came up with the laughable S2 could be Bain from Batman with the nebulizer mask. S2 was watching tv show and a child was getting a shot from a Dr.. So I said to S2 "Watch out for the pricks!" So XW replied. "There's a big one sitting right there!" Meaning me. So I faked laughed. Said "good one" Then asked XW what she was going to be for Halloween? Bride of Frankenstein. I picked up S2's playbroom and said. "Well if you take this out for a ride on Halloween, all you need to bring is yourself!" Lol.. She was like. "You were just looking around the room to a segway for that weren't you? Things almost felt normal. Almost. Then S2 went to bed, I picked up after him, cleaned up the living room, (No thank you'd not that I was expecting one.) and it was back to typical behavior after S2 goes to bed, she engages in TV escapes and laughs in it with reality shows and typically ignores my presence, but this time. I just didn't care I just smiled because I was happy. Walked right past her even if no eye contact. Which is typical for the last 12 months after S2 goes to bed. I've had these moments before over past 12 months where I don't get it? Sometimes she doesn't affect me at all or what she does.. I'm just happy for no reason. I can't make her happy, and that's perfectly ok. That's up to her, and I know I am not entirely responsible for it. (Although they think we are.) All I can do is be a little but of the old me. A little but of the new me. But more importantly. Choose not to be down. Choose to be full of joy. Choose not to be defensive. Choose not to sink into misery and fade away. Choose not to focus on all life's problems and let go. Who wants to be around someone that is complaining, critical, argumentitive, and miserable all the time? Its exhausting. (Meaning old me.) My life is going to be just fine, and I really want to smile more and laugh a little. Yeah. I need to bring that back.
I'm still with you buddy. How you doing right now?
I'm sorry to hear about this psychic discovery and that you've been spinning a bit. You may remember these types of things popping up in my sitch. I've heard they can destroy marriages.
To me, seeing a psychic is nothing to be worried about. A good one offers perspective you cannot get from any other source. The 'predictions' you cite XW as having received from her psychic are remarkable, aren't they?
Go see one. A good one. Go with a completely open mind. Don't be surprised if they say it's unusual for a man to attend. The dreams you have worry me. You should talk to the psychic about that, and ask about auras. You may wish to look into spiritual healing and cleansing too. I hear sage smoke does wonders in a home with bad energy. I'm Catholic btw.
PS - I'm a Virgo as well. Good sign, hey. Apparently, 2019 is a huge year of change for us.
Keep me posted. Cheers, DS
Me: early 40's XW: nearly 50 T: 15 M: 5 BD: Jan 19 S:10 SS: 22 SD: 24
W has been fairly nice as of lately. Know it means nothing.
I did her a favor and signed a check to release escrow from mortgage company. She closed Joint check account at my request. I was going to close it myself but checked with her first. She wanted to keep it open until the end of the month and we both agreed on that and then she want to close in any way without telling me. That's fine though there was zero balance in there. She offered me dinner the other night. Small gestures that mean nothing has changed, but I give and take with it. S2 has been sick all week. I offered to watch him this weekend after work this Sat so XW could go away with family. BIL went Fri. Night. They celebrate Canadian Thanksgiving every year as family tradition from GF even though they are not Canadian. XW couldn't make up mind whether to take S2 or have me watch him because of cough which is understandable. For the last year despite us seperating, she still keeps requesting I do family occasions with her and S2. I can't tell if these are olive branches, or cake eating with her and her perception. I know I shouldn't care what you think at this point but their actions show that she clearly wants to divorce me, move on with another life in another man in the future. I've refused every invitation for the last year IHS, I have been very consistent about that, yes she still keeps asking me on every family occasion. I have explained to her I'm not doing this to be punitive. Is that I need to heal, that she has hurt me by separating our family and our marriage, I love that won't play family unless we are together as a family. She has told her family that I am just taking my space from everyone. I don't understand why they can't see it from my point of view ? As much as I really really miss her entire family, she knows this, and they know it as well, I don't want to set a precedence that I am going to attend family functions as the Ex. I'm not going to be friends with her until I'm fully healed and I am ready, if I ever decide that. The way I see it is if someone wants to get away from me that bad and removed me from their life piece by piece, action by action, they don't get to cherry pick and choose where they get to have me in their life. Whether it is for their convenience as a courtesy, or whether it is for S2. I am a co-parent I am no longer a husband . If I am not considered as her H in the future, especially if she gets involved on another relationship with another man in the future. I'm not trying to mind read but I know how she thinks. She's probably saying to herself that I'm no different, that I am antisocial, which nothing could be further from the truth. and that I haven't changed. Any 180s as far as attending family functions. I've always attended all of her family functions with joy. I would maybe miss one or two friend occasions during the year to work on the house in the past. Her narrative and perception is I have missed almost every family occasion in the past. To me it seems this is clearly about me handling S2 to her,and doing joint family things together I'm not going to do that. still apparently even though she may be extending the olive branch and being polite. Is clearly not for the marriage or for her it's for the sake of S2 and me seeing her family. I want my respect, and she keeps crossing my boundaries with this, hoping that I will do these things. Clearly she only wants to benefit from them, but I am no longer the benefit of company to her. It's really difficult for me to understand how these people could think this way especially immediately right now given what's going on and then I'm moving out in separating. That I've lost my home, that I've lost my wife, that I've lost my family, and that this whole situation was forced upon me by her hands and her actions.
l kind of know how to handle these family situations, I just don't know if Im going about it the right way. I do want to act Godly and friendly but still maintain my boundaries for my own emotional health for obvious reasons. I know that I need to remove all emotional responses to her. If anyone wants to give me any tips or how to respond to these requests like this in the future, if it comes up again like Thanksgiving or Christmas. I would greatly appreciate it. I need to know whether I'm handling this correctly and if I'm being prideful or if I'm responding correctly.
H: My phone battery is dropping fast today. What is the decision with S2? Are you taking him?
XW: Still not sure... would you consider coming up with him tomorrow for the day if he stays home tonight.
H: Sorry. I don't play family unless I actually belong to one.
H: You can take him tonight, or leave him with me for the weekend. Please let me know so I can make /cancel plans.
I have explained to her I'm not doing this to be punitive. Is that I need to heal, that she has hurt me by separating our family and our marriage, I love that won't play family unless we are together as a family.
l kind of know how to handle these family situations, I just don't know if Im going about it the right way.
If anyone wants to give me any tips or how to respond to these requests like this in the future, if it comes up again like Thanksgiving or Christmas. I would greatly appreciate it. I need to know whether I'm handling this correctly and if I'm being prideful or if I'm responding correctly.
XW: Still not sure... would you consider coming up with him tomorrow for the day if he stays home tonight.
H: Sorry. I don't play family unless I actually belong to one.
Hi IHCLACS, I support your decision not to go, but I don't support the way you're saying it. Imagine an acquaintance or co-worker invited you over? "Thanks, but I have plans." "Thanks, but I'm looking forward to working on my car | garden | traveling | getting some solo R&R time." Simple formula - show appreciation + decline. Boundaries control your actions--she chooses to invite you, you choose (boundary) not to go.
Imagine how harsh your reply would sound if you said it to a stranger.
Thanks CWarrior and LH19 I agree. I need to remove the emotion from it, the reactivity from it, tone it down a bit, and politely decline and stop trying to drive my point and POV home with her with this subject. I don't obviously have plans because I am watching sick S2 as a favor to her on my weekend off. (I volunteered to do it for her without her asking as a kind gesture.) So she knows I don't have plans. I have been in person with her, courteous, respectful, empathetic, validating, and polite with her.
I just can't tell if this is her being so extensively courteous every single time that she may be offering an olive branch. Or is she just being courteous by nature. I'm only doing this and acting this way regarding family functions with her, because a lot of the vets here suggested it doing family affairs seperate, if the WAS wants to seperate. Her actions of removing me from the mortgage, refinancing the house, meeting with a medium, moving BIL in, not agreeing for 50/50 custody, seeking as much CS and $ as possible, but she doesn't want to be responsible for alimony or CS to me if that is the way it goes. It's evidently clear what her intentions are for the M. And being me as a potential threat in her narrative and head very similar to Uni's sich. But she asks every single time when a family occaision comes up if I would consider going and when I politely decline, she still presses with a "ok well in case you change your mind" ... Even though I've established that boundary over 7 months ago and have been consistent with it every single time. A few months ago she told me that by me living here over the last seven months is like having an ex-boyfriend live with her, she wants her space. She probably won't remember this if I told her but, she also said a couple months ago that I was holding her back in life. So I'm out. Peace, Dueces. I'm moving. Im onto my own life, my own business, and my own thing.
So why would I attend family functions with her? There's no respect with being in the friend zone. There's her emotions, responses, actions, and attitude, although still in control, polite, but also all over the place. I can see her silently hurting just looking for distractions when I'm around her. I'm usually ignored by her but once in a while she'll be nice and make chitchat with me. She wants to move on with her life but she wants to invite me to all family occasions? So who is really sending mixed signals here? I'm sorry but you can't have it both ways. Again I am now a co-parent I am not a husband. I agree with what a lot of people say here how they want to act like a family but they don't want to be an intact family? Can't have your cake and eat it too. So yeah I'm venting and complaining about it here because it makes no sense to my logical mind. Do I need to fine tune a few things every time this comes up? Sure. But I'm going to keep delivering the same answer. "Thank you but I have plans." I just need to check myself, and what her clear intentions are. That's all.
I'm not going to lie I do want to go and she even extended the opportunity for me to go with S2 tomorrow again and again and again after me politely refusing 3 times. We had a little discussion before she left, she was upset with leaving S2 behind ( because he has ear and sinus infection), so I validated, and empathized. So who is really benefiting besides S2 and myself by seeing her family? Or is she benefiting by S2 being there. (If he feels better.) She's obviously not asking me because she wants me there. It's just an extended courtesy. By consistantly declining these functions, am I operating on principle pride and stubborness? Or by me attending these things, would it be helpful for me in the future to mend some fences? I'm sorry but men and women have totally different mindsets. Women who are no longer romantically attracted to someone usually think. "Ok ...but he will make a good friend if I keep him around." That's usury IMHO. and not self respecting to someone that dumped them, their family and their marriage.
I'm going off into another segway here but. Some people confuse self-help self-exploration self care and self-improvement with taking care of themselves and reinventing themselves with "Im doing this to better myself or feel good, or Im doing this for my children." I'm not saying give yourself away so the extent of your completely exhausted and drained emotionally and physically to a shell of your former self. Which is the position of lot of these WAW'S are in. Trust me I get it ladies about losing your identity in these and I can understand how a woman or even a Man can go through that as far as their identity, their changes, their purpose and their self worth, losing it and needing to find it for reasons of childhood trauma, or whatever reason etc.. Your sacrifice to your spouse and your family shouldn't cost you your sanity and your health and well being. I don't want to see these people like my XW and all of your W's unhappy, directionless, hurting, and conformed to someone else's idea of what they think they should be, they should have the freedom to make a change and be themselves, the new selves if they want to. But... But... I still think that they are short-sighted at best, and breaking up the family separating and divorcing by means of gaining back themselves, may be beneficial in the short run but not in the long run. I still find it to be that they are unawaringly a tad selfish in the pursuit of seeking happiness and saving themselves. IMHO. No one should ever control anyone in a marriage or in love or relationship But a lot of the WAS's here refused to see the chaos that they are causing the other person, not to mention the division of the family, hurt to the children, etc. Plus the expenditure of monetary means and assets that are really not necessary in fighting in all of this. When it comes down to the nitty-gritty of alimony and child support. (I'm sure most children turn out fine with divorced and separated parents.)
Keep this in mind because this important. In our culture. Even the best intended people who are commited to solely working on themselves after a divorce or breakup. Are going to date. Are going to sleep with people, for the sake of testing the waters of compatibility, companionship, pleasure, loneliness, experimentation, urge, and satisfaction. THAT DOESNT MEAN THEY ARE PURSUING OR INVOLVED IN A RELATIONSHIP. I may be projecting a little, but its just what I see in our culture, all around me, in other sich's and eventually in my own as well. Just fallen nature.
But this is how I think most men see it. Logically. They invested in a woman a bride, a wife, a helpmate, a lover, a family, a home, his love, his hard work, his commitment, his sacrifice for life. Now add the expense and grief of lawyers, court costs, selling of marital home, CS. And if by some miracle you get 50/50 custody as a man. Otherwise you'll be seeing your children every other weekend. all because someone woke up one day and thought I'm not happy and they had a midlife crisis or midlife transition.
That normal everyday marital arguments turn into being emotionally abusive and incompatible. That resentment that built within them without ever being addressed, but having expectations that no person could ever meet. That everything is supposed to be feelings and fairytale romances without ever having to work hard for anything or learn new means of communications, stragety, compromise, or coping skills through pro marital therapy or counciling. Isn't that why we are all here because we knew a part of us screwed up, and we want to learn, change and grow, but a part of us also knows that the other person should also take accountability and responsibility for the downward slide of the M. I think it there are a lot of great men and women here that understand our positions as well as our spouses. But IMHO. I still believe that in Western culture a lot of women really do not see or care about the struggles that men go through during a divorce, or the long term effects of it. That's what I don't see. I don't see that in every single one of our situations is the accountability or empathetic compassion of the other person they are hurting or their struggles. I don't see many women advocates for men. Or vice versa. I don't see a balance in the family courts regarding split asserts, income, CS, and award of 50/50 custody unless there is neglect involved from a man's perspective.
The WAS only care about themselves in these moments of crisis... The M or F. It's selfishness and ungodly at the core. Even though they may not realize it. Even if they're intentions are good. Men become walking ATMs for their resources, and are considered utilities in our society, and women become objectified sex objects by men as a result of all this. Its dehumanizing on both accounts.
If a man is obligated by society, by morale, as well as legally obligated by the family courts to provide to their ex spouses, children and families, then why do women in our society get to sherk all accountability, responsibility, and get to start their lives over with after divorce along with a new BF, more resources, at the BF's expense as well as the XH's? If this isn't dual mating stragety, I don't know what is?
The WAS thinks that if they just go on enough trips abroad, have enough new experiences, have enough affairs, find a new beau, get enough hobbies, do enough GAL, enough GGW or Guys GW, have a huge social life, obtain enough money, do enough therapy, fulfil all of their desires, buy enough makeup, enough clothes, perfumes and cologne, go to the gym enough, gets enough praise and external validation, leaves the person they once were the most intimate with that they will be happy. They think that they will be happy if they mediate enough, practice the law of attraction or karma, will it to the universe, draw up poster boards of all their desires in life, the places that they want to live, life they want to experience, that they will eventually receive or achieve it. Please by all means everyone strive to be your best. Always continue to improve. And although I don't want to impose my Christian beliefs on anyone here just needs to be said. There is your will and desire and then there's God's Will and purpose for your life. I choose to be happy and I choose to be grateful for everyday and I choose to trust in him. God created the universe, the law of attraction, and he is good in everything in your life. To acknowledge a source of power such as Reiki, Chakras, Horoscopes, or the law of attraction for meditation. Is to deny the source of its power. I would rather live a physically bankrupt life then spiritually bankrupt life. Our society is morally and spiritually bankrupt. If it wasn't, you wouldn't see so much corruption, so much ungodly influence, and you wouldn't see so many marriages fail.
Again so short-sighted. When you are old and gray and have no one to take care of you or if you are fortunate to have someone take care of you, you're still going to be having blended families, and our children missing out on what would have been a lot of good and sacred life lessons in being raised. Divorce busting taught me this if anything happiness is a choice and it comes from within. It is in my case, the only thing I will have after this D is Jesus Christ, God and their purpose for my life. Not my own, and not by my own will. Only he can change hearts and minds if we are willing to accept. I hope and pray someday more people realize this in the quest for their lives, and hope and pray that our spouses realize this as well, that being scared of dying, and seeking out all your pleasures and desires in this world and in this life can be fruitful, or fruitless depending on how influenced we are, and how big our ego is. I would think it eventually leaves you spiritually bankrupt in the tide and the wake of whom they and we also hurt, in the long run.
Sorry I know my thoughts are all over the place. Its difficult to summarize and write these things and give some kind of order, clairity or presentation to them for me. Sometimes I feel like im too busy writing and thinking these things that I am learning, need to learn, that I am wasting my time, when I could be enjoying it, living, acomplishing, and playing with S2. Eventually I will get to a place where there is less reflection, more action, and more upward movement. I am also relearning what reality is, who I am, and who I will be in all of this.
Plain in simple she is not reconsidering recon right now she is most likely being polite asking you along. “No thanks I have plans” you could be going to X if you have son or Y if you don’t have son.
You and W keep holding on to the victim mentality and that is not a healthy attitude. You are both extremely codependent and if you don’t fix that you will almost certainly be back here again.
I’m not discounting that this isn’t hard. It’s the hardest fuching thing I’ve ever been through but wallowing, being vindictive, bitterness will get you know where my friend.
