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DejaVu6 Offline OP
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Thanks everyone. It was a great weekend!! My partner and I did end up winning the Scotch Doubles event which was unexpected given the caliber of teams in the field and the fact that we have never played together before. It was a lot of fun. My BIL, my regular partner, hasn’t congratulated me or my partner. Guess I can’t blame him since I kinda dumped him this year. We just haven’t played well together for a few years so I wanted to try playing with someone new. Feeling justified now...lol. Singles did not go well. Just didn’t play my best. The team event was a lot of fun and we did pretty well considering the competition. My sister and I played in the men’s event for the first time with her husband and a couple of other guys we know from our league. I played the best I have in a while. My sister called me the MVP...lol. She didn’t play her best but she had some good moments. My favourite match was the last one we won. We were down 12-6 and came back to win it 13-12. We ended up coming in 7th-8th.

Jack watched all my matches despite me giving him an “out”. He’s the first guy in my life who has ever done that. Definitely gets some points for that. smile

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DnJ Online
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Good Morning DV

Congratulations on the tournament. What a come back; a six game deficit and pulls out the win.

Nice to hear that Jack watched all your matches.

Actions do speak pretty loud. smile

DnJ


Feelings are fleeting.
Be better, not bitter.
Love the person, forgive the sin.
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DejaVu6 Offline OP
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Thanks DnJ. smile

So...got my divorce order in the mail today. I am officially divorced as of November 30th. It was a bit surreal holding that piece of paper...14 years...one piece of paper...over. I had been expecting it at some point since I signed the papers in May. Not sure what I am feeling. A bit sad but mostly just sorta numb about it. I guess XH got the same letter I did. I wonder how he felt and if he and OW are doing a happy dance. Or is he also a bit sad? Kinda glad I’ll never know.

Not much else to report. Jack continues to spend every weekend with me. Still no job but he has a contact at a major company in my city that is hiring soon. Not welding but still a decent job. Fingers crossed.

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I'm sorry DV. No matter if you're numb, relieved, sad...all of it (likely)...it's a tough moment in some ways. You survived it, and that specific moment is behind you. At least the subtle anticipation is gone. One more step in grief, even if your grief doesn't currently look like constant sadness.

I'm glad you acknowledged it here with us. Thanks for sharing that bit.

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DV6...

Crazy how ridiculously anti-climatic officially being divorced is isn't it? All the emotions/bickering/fighting/whatever with your soon to be ex distilled into a harmless piece of paper with less than a full page worth of words on it. Over. Done. Exceedingly sterile and clinical.

When mine was done my atty wanted to give me a high five which felt to me completely out of place. Kinda like you I didn't feel anything really because heck again nothing REALLY happened to me or my circumstance before or after that piece of paper came. I never even wondered what my ex thought, although I did wonder what the rest of her family thought. Ironically I found out that she never even told the rest of her family...I assume guilt made her reluctant to share the news but perhaps she felt it none of their business.

You are FREE now. Yay. I don't say that to you with celebratory exclamations because I know the path and effort and pain it took you to get where you are. More a factual there you are then anything else. BUT...you now have your own FUTURE free and unabated for you to make with it what you want and THAT is WONDERFUL!!!

I wish you the best of happiness in the enjoyment of whatever lies ahead for you in your life!

-B


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Hello DV

I’m glad you shared about getting your divorce papers. (((DV)))

It is amazing all those years distilled down into a single document. As others have said, it is so anticlimactic.

At this point, divorce is really just a piece of paper. Funny, how I never “got” that until I was there.

I’m sorry and happy for you; I’m pretty sure you understand how those do go together in these circumstances.

Be easy on yourself. After I got my papers, there was some shock, grief processing - a little depression, seeing the new reality, and accepting. It does go by pretty quick all things considered. Still, some emotions will be stirred up, and it’s best to work through them.

You will do splendidly; you’re a strong levelheaded woman. Freedom and your unknown future awaits. Live it full.

DnJ


Feelings are fleeting.
Be better, not bitter.
Love the person, forgive the sin.
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DejaVu6 Offline OP
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Hi All.

I had a surprising text from OW on Thursday letting me know that she and XH know that I am on this site and that both of them have read EVERY ONE of my over 1,000 posts. If it wasn’t enough that some perfect stranger wandered into my life uninvited, helped herself to my H and stole 50% of my time with my children from me... she and XH thought it would also be a good idea to essentially break into my therapist’s office and hide in the closet so they could hear every single thought I have ever had about it. And not only that, since I have mostly written about my life apart from all of that over the past six months, they’ve also been voyeurs into my dating life and my relationship with Jack. It feels like they broke into my house, stole my diary and read it cover to cover. Such a violation of my privacy! I would say that it is unbelievable except when it comes to XH, nothing surprises me anymore. If my daughter ever decides to keep a diary, I will make sure it stays at my place.

Can you believe OW actually had the nerve to be upset about what she had read and, get this, told me I should have used their real names? Huh??? Here’s a thought...if you don’t like what you are reading, why don’t you stop reading it? It’s not like I sent you an invitation and a link. And do you not understand why forums like this are anonymous? It’s so we can work through one of the hardest times of our lives without the people in our real lives being affected. What if I hadn’t found this forum and instead gone onto social media or contacted XH’s friends and family or talked to the numerous mutual acquaintances we have in the school district they both work for? I could have made life very, very difficult for both of them. But I didn’t. I also steered clear of social media and did not say one word about it even though I would certainly have been justified in doing so. They both got off so easy, they have no idea. One thing is for sure, if I ever thought my XH had changed in any way, he just proved me wrong. And it appears he has found someone exactly like him.

So....I have blocked her on my phone as there is no need for she and I to have any contact with one another. I also told XH that if he has anything to say to me, he can say it directly as he doesn’t need someone to fight his battles for him. Not that there are any battles despite this recent attempt to create one. XH and I have been doing really well coparenting and I expect that to continue as he is smart enough to know that he and OW are in the wrong here. Hopefully, they have figured that out and have given up spying on me but just in case they haven’t, I’m only going to post on other people’s threads for the foreseeable future. If I do come back and want to post about my life, I won’t do it as DejaVu6 though but I will find a way to let you all know it is me.

Anyway... thank you all so, so much for being there for me and for helping me get through this awful time in my life. Even though we have never met IRL, you have been my biggest supporters... encouraging me when I needed it and giving me 2x4’s when I needed those too. I would not be doing half as well as I am now if it weren’t for you and I am forever grateful. I love you all. (((HUGS)))

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I’m sorry

I can’t believe how invasive a person is capable of being. Seriously. I wonder what type of life she has that would make her still curious about yours. Like, what normal person does that and then tells you. And she’s a teacher? Sounds like she just likes to be the center of attention and get rises out of people. Makes her feel special or attractive. Deep down they have no self esteem.

I wonder what it’s like being the other woman and having to know that the pos that cheated on his wife with you will eventually do the same. Just give it a few years when things become mundane. Hence the spying. I bet She’s looking for dirt cause she doesn’t completely trust him. And I don’t know how smart he actually is, cause she sounds like a wack job.

. I also don’t think they got off easy. She has him ... a guy capable of deceit, and lying and betrayal. Not a prize. I would never want a guy capable of cheating on the mother of his kids. And he gets her ... nothing lower then a woman that goes after someone married with kids. Lots of entitlement going on there and they deserve each other.

Just keep being the incredible And dignified person you are. It [censored] that people out there exist and get off on this. But you just seem like a great person and you are so better off.


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Wow - slutty OW calling you to announce she’s invaded your privacy in this way? I think that tells you everything you need to know about her character (or lack thereof). And when a couple, like your ex and OW , focus on you instead of their relationship with each other, it’s usually a way of avoiding the problems in their own relationship,

Yup, she won the prize - a cheater. And if he’ll cheat with her, he’ll cheat on her. She’ll be looking over her shoulder wondering who he’s gonna cheat with next the whole time she’s with him.

Neither of them are worth a minute of your time, girl. They deserve each other.

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I’m so sorry this happened to you. It is like a sick form of voyeurism . Well, she got to read about all the destruction she caused to a marriage where kids are involved. She’s got to live with that. Disgusting.

And I totally agree. If these two have nothing better to do than read your posts, something is clearly lacking in their R.

I have a feeling she will be posting on here as a left behind spouse in no time. And she will deserve it

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