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DejaVu6 Offline OP
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Thank you Juju. You are so right. I don’t think I’m following any recipe at the moment...probably did the kid intros too soon although my kids are at an age where they aren’t too concerned with what I am doing other than that they want to see me happy. They have a good relationship with their dad as well so are in no danger of getting overly attached to my boyfriend and being upset when/if we break up. He is mostly over when they are at their dad’s anyway so it would take them awhile to even notice that he wasn’t around. And if they did, I’m pretty sure my emotional well-being would be their only real concern. They like Jack well enough but they are not attached to him.

Love the example of your parents. Yes...someone talking about kids on the first date would definitely be a red flag for most of us...lol. Glad she gave him a chance. laugh

Jack has a job interview tomorrow in his home town and the employer that was talking about sending him to my town for a couple of months still aren’t ready to hire...they just tell him they will keep him posted. Can’t pay your bills on that. So he is a bit concerned that he will get hired by this new place, work there a couple weeks and then called by the other place which is his preferable place to work. I suppose he could always quit the new place to work at the other but it doesn’t look good to future employers that you would take a job and then quit two weeks later. I suppose he could always leave it off of his resume if he wanted. Anyway...it seems like he will be working soon enough and this could change things for us a bit. Just not sure how yet.

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DejaVu6 Offline OP
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Update... so... Jack's job interview ended up getting cancelled because they hired someone else. Don't think he was too disappointed but he may feel differently in two weeks if he hasn't found a job yet. Been a bit irritated again with his texting although he has been better since the first time I got upset with him. On Tuesday night, we were having a conversation and he mentioned he was chatting with a bass player so I asked him if he was local. That was at 10:22 p.m. No response... until 5:30 p.m. the following day... "Hi. Yes...local." Really? Anyway, I was getting my nails done so I just ignored it. It was a statement so didn't really require a response. Plus I kind of wanted to give him a taste of his own medicine. Two hours later... "How's ur day?" LOL...that's usually the text he gets from me. I left that for about 15 minutes but I knew that if I left it any longer than that, he would know I was doing it on purpose as he knows that my phone is usually pretty close to me and that I get notifications on my Fitbit. So I texted him a brief synopsis and asked him about his day. And...he actually responded with a couple of sentences instead of one word!!! Maybe I'm onto something here...lol.

I've been thinking a lot about my need to be in touch every day and truth be told, we spend so much time together when he is with me (usually 48 to 72 hours straight) that we don't have much to talk about when we are apart unless something out of the ordinary happens. On Tuesday, he did initiate a conversation when he texted me to tell me he had lost his wallet or it had been stolen when he was at the pool. So...maybe this is a "me" problem and not a "we" problem?

Some exciting news... we (sister, BIL, our friends (married couple) and Jack (if we are still together) decided on dates for our trip to Croatia next year... September 5th to 26th. Not high tourist season but still summer weather. One benefit of my divorcing my teacher XH is that I no longer have to travel during peak tourist season so travel is a lot cheaper. Also...my BIL and I booked the private yacht tour for the 12th to the 19th. I cannot wait!!! We'll have exclusive use of a 42-foot catamaran for a week of sailing and island hopping. And it is cheaper than if we had just booked a one-week cruise on a mini cruise ship. All in... about $8,000 Canadian which includes the skipper, fuel, taxes, etc... basically everything but food, drink and tip. We have to supply food for breakfast and lunches and then we'll probably eat dinners at restaurants on the islands we visit. Now I just have to keep the secret from my twin for a year. That is going to be so tough because she is aware that we are doing something and will be tossing out her theories and watching my face. I'm doomed...lol.

My sister and I are also going to the World 8 Ball Championships in Vegas in March after a three-year absence from the tournament. I like our team and our chances to do well if we are all playing to our abilities. I finally have my own table and it is the exact ones we play on in Vegas so team practices at my place will be starting soon.

So that's it for my update. I'm still doing pretty well. Don't think about my XH very often except for on occasion when I think about how easily I let him off the hook and I start thinking about the unfairness of it all. But...I redirect my thoughts pretty quickly and remind myself of all of the blessings that have come out of our divorce and that I have been consciously choosing better not bitter throughout this process even though he does not deserve it. But...as I have said before...my kids do and I do. No need to waste any more mental energy on my XH than I already have. It does me no good.

Anyway...hope all is well out there in DB Land. Sending you all lots of love and (((HUGS))). smile

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DejaVu6 Offline OP
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Took a sick day today. I noticed my eye feeling a bit sore in one spot on Saturday and now I have a bonnified infection of some sort. My sister has had the exact same thing a couple of times lately so I know that it is going to take a week or two to go away. I look like someone punched me in the eye and it is pretty uncomfortable so I decided to stay home to treat it with hot compresses. Kids are at their dad’s and my XMIL is on the mainland so it is just me and the dog in the house. I’ve been basically chilling all day and binge watched a great Netflix mini series called Unbelievable. Kind of describes my life...lol.

Haven’t heard much from Jack today...just a couple of texts that he sent in response to a text I sent him yesterday. He seems to be slipping back into his old texting habits. I know he is not in the best of moods this week as he had expected to be working by now. I think the financial differences between us are starting to bother him and I’m not sure what to do about it as I can’t really help it. I do tend to pay for more things when we are together but that’s because I can and if the shoe was on the other foot, I think he would do the same. Honestly, I think it comes down to our genders. Men, in general, like to have the upper hand when it comes to money, IMO. Anyway...I have enough on my plate without having to worry about fragile egos so I’m just doing my own thing and letting him do his. I’ll see him on the weekend as per usual. smile

Probably going to spend the evening getting some of my things packed up. Leaving my home on Friday after work to stay in a condo/resort for a couple of weeks while my floors get refinished. Looking forward to being there but not to the packing part of it. Trying to determine what food to bring is going to be the toughest part. I’ll be cleaning out the perishables from my fridge on Thursday. Not my favourite chore, that is for sure.

Hey....random question for the ladies out there. I’ve started having hot flashes in the past couple of weeks. My sister has been having them for years (the gift of cancer treatment in her late 30s) and I’m not sure I believed her that they were as annoying as they are. Holy heck!!! So uncomfortable!!! Anyway...for those of you who have been through menopause or are going through it, is there anything I can do to minimize the symptoms...especially these sudden temperature changes? KML? Any doctorly advice? I’d appreciate any advice. (((HUGS))) to all!!

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DV - I'm probably the LAST person to give hot flash advice, since I'm not quite there yet. But I do get mini-heatwaves depending on where my hormones are, and I can tell anyone exactly which day(s) I will wake up in a sweat in the middle of the night.

For me, a big help is my FEET. At least at night. If your feet are hot, your body is hot. I have a routine of spritzing lavender spray on the soles of my feet before going to bed, and the cool spray really helps me calm down so I don't feel quite so HOT before getting in to bed. Also, the aromatherapy benefits being on my feet (and not just under my nose) are subtle but super helpful.

I know it's not going to solve anything major, but I just wanted to throw it out there as a tiny I-hope-this-helps. Also it's natural, so won't hurt anything. Keep a spray bottle by your bed, and if you're woken up in the middle of the night maybe spritz your feet? If nothing else, your room will smell lovely. Your linens will too.

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DejaVu6 Offline OP
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Thanks Yail. I love that idea!!! And I do love the smell of lavender.

Mini update: Today was unexpectedly tough. I found out while perusing Facebook at lunch that the wife of a good friend of mind died of cancer about six weeks ago. I hadn’t seen them since we moved two years ago but I did know about the cancer diagnosis. I just thought that no news was good news and that his wife was such a positive, upbeat wonderful person that she would just kick cancer’s a$$. But apparently that did not happen and I guess bad things really do happen to good people. She was only in her mid-fifties!!! Really put things into perspective for me. My divorce pales in comparison honestly. Life is too short and too precious to waste time on mourning the loss of someone who treated me so poorly for all those years.

A more positive update... Jack got a job!!!! He starts tomorrow and he is working in the town that is pretty much halfway between our homes. So if he stays at my place or at home, he will be the same amount of driving time away. It will be interesting to see if this changes things for us.

Spending the next two and a half weeks in an oceanfront condo while my floors are being refinished. Hoping it is going to be like a mini vacay...minus the going to work part, of course. smile

(((HUGS))) to all!!!

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{{{DV}}} sorry for your loss. Life is most def too short to focus on the hurts...I don't know about anyone else, but I'm ready to let the good times roll.

Glad to read about Jack's good news! xoxoxo


M 20+ T25+
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A box full of darkness.
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That this too, was a gift."
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Yay for jack and a 2.5 week stay on an ocean front condo!

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DnJ Online
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Hello DV

That is sad news about your friend’s wife. (((DV)))

Good news about Jack’s employment. Half way between your houses - that is interesting.

Is the job a permanent one or term?

Enjoy the oceanfront. Sounds like it could very well be a mini vacation.

DnJ


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So sorry about your friend's wife. Sad news.

Congratulations to Jack on his new job.

Enjoy your oceanfront property!


Me 52, H53
Bomb drop 9/29/2014
Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014
Marriage #2 12/31/2019
5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships)
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DejaVu6 Offline OP
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Hi All.

Thought it was time to check in. This has been a tough week for me at work. One of “my kids” (clients) made a serious suicide attempt on Sunday. I didn’t find out about it until Wednesday as I was off on Monday and home with a sick kid on Tuesday. My boss dealt with the immediate fallout of it all and I was at a community meeting for most of the day on Wednesday but stopped in at the hospital at the end of the day to visit with her. She was in a mood and angry that we were not letting her die and accusing her family members and myself of being selfish for “making” her stick around. It was very hard to validate her perspective but I think I did a pretty good job. At the end of our visit, she was a bit better but I think is going to have to remain in hospital for awhile as she will not contract for safety. I’m secretly quite glad about that. Spent some time talking with her mom today and will see both of them again next week. I have spent A LOT of time working with them so this was a disheartening setback. I still have a lot of hope that we can rebound though as the last time I saw them before this happened, both of them were saying things were getting better. I hope we can get back there... I’ve lost one client to suicide in 21 years, I do not want to lose a second.

Wednesday was also my kids’ open house at the school. XH had to work a bit later than usual so I took them and he met us there. The four of us visited their classrooms together. The last time he and I were at the school together was last Christmas and I was close to tears the whole time and trying to resist the urge to punch him in the face. This time was much better. It still felt awkward but mostly I was focused on my kids. We signed up to go to parent-teacher interviews as well and I offered to send him a reminder text closer to the date. He thanked me as we both knew there was a good chance he would forget. Some things never change...lol. Anyway, I think it was good for our kids to see us there together and getting along.

Jack’s job was short lived. He decided after one day that it wasn’t going to work. He said it wasn’t what he expected and the guy that he was working with was a complete jerk. I guess he doesn’t feel financially strained enough yet to work just anywhere. Working in the private sector is much different than what I am used to so I have no judgment about it. I’m very lucky to have the kind of job security and benefits that I do and to work in an environment that is incredibly supportive and respectful of me as a person. That has not been Jack’s experience apparently.

The condo I’m staying in really is peaceful and beautiful. I’m used to an ocean view but here I am right on the water which is just that much better. The weather has been decent. My kids are with me this weekend and my daughter and her bestie are looking forward to swimming in the pool tomorrow and doing some beach combing. I’m having a nice quiet evening in my room while they have the rest of the house. Normally Jack would be here with me but the weather was really bad for driving tonight and he said he is quite tired so decided to drive down tomorrow. I’m not upset about it. My sister and my friend were here last night so I’m a bit tired too. I’m more than happy just to veg in my sweats and enjoy the peace and quiet.

Anyway...that’s it for my update. Hope all is well out there is DB Land and that you all have a wonderful weekend. XO

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