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Can I have some help with what to do as far as 180s and being interesting and attractive now that there are no cold shoulders or stonewalling. Now that things are consistently good for the past couple weeks. (Always polite and respectful on both sides) and mostly good conversation and even some fun.

I don’t want to fall in a rut. I don’t want to become stale. Does that make sense?

We’ve made some progress. That’s clear. But I’m not gonna make the same mistakes this time and think she is ready to R or anything. She is prolly just more comfortable around me. (Ha look at me learning a lesson!!)

So that being said. How do I stay interesting. How do I keep her on her toes now that she is actually interested in what I’m doing? How do I make myself appealing? Exciting?

We are still poor. But at the same time I wanna have fun too. For me. And make her wanna have fun with me

Anyways. Suggestions?


Me 32. W. 30
T 10 years M 8
S 8

Bd 5-31-19
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Change up your routine. Go for a walk in the mornings, meditate, pick up reading or something else that you enjoy, get some new clothes, constantly update your wardrobe, lose some weight, buy some new cologne, pick up a hooby, meet some friends out after work.

Women love men who are constantly working on improving themselves, have hobbies, interests, things they do outside of the home other than be a father and husband. Over time they will lose attraction and respect for a man that does nothing but get up, go to work, and come home. Rinse, recycle, repeat.

What were you like when you first met? How have you changed?


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
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ozman Offline OP
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I was exiting and fun. I was in a band. Full of energy.

But now she knows all my tricks. I need new tricks

I need her to be like. “Wow. Look at him go!!”


Me 32. W. 30
T 10 years M 8
S 8

Bd 5-31-19
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There ya go........you were exciting and fun. Think about how you can currently infuse that type of energy. When was the last time you sang or played your instrument?

Again....think of hobbies, interests, change your routine.


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
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There you go again! You don't need her to be like "wow, look at him go"......you need to be like "man I missed being in a band...glad I'm back in one!"

These are not tricks, this is who you were, who you are...you stopped doing these things probably because you didn't have the time anymore.


H-50
W-48
T-19
M -18
S23, S14
BD - 5/9/2018
OM discovered 5/10/2018

In house sep - 8/18/2018
Rope drop 2/15/2019
R'ing since 3/15/2019
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I was an athlete, played golf, adult baseball, went to a lot of pro sporting events. Then I stopped after a few years of M, said I didn't have time or didn't want to spend money. After my BD I started doing these things again, met new people, helped my conditioning, gave me a lot of time to think outside of the toxic limbo I was in.


H-50
W-48
T-19
M -18
S23, S14
BD - 5/9/2018
OM discovered 5/10/2018

In house sep - 8/18/2018
Rope drop 2/15/2019
R'ing since 3/15/2019
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Originally Posted by TBSakaJ9
Change up your routine. Go for a walk in the mornings, meditate, pick up reading or something else that you enjoy, get some new clothes, constantly update your wardrobe, lose some weight, buy some new cologne, pick up a hooby, meet some friends out after work.

Women love men who are constantly working on improving themselves, have hobbies, interests, things they do outside of the home other than be a father and husband. Over time they will lose attraction and respect for a man that does nothing but get up, go to work, and come home. Rinse, recycle, repeat.

What were you like when you first met? How have you changed?


THIS. I agree 100%!


“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
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Just to add......it can't be tricks. I get the sense you are still looking for a magic bullet. Hobbies and interests, etc. have to be things that you actually enjoy doing. If you are only doing them to win your wife back then you won't sustain it and eventually you will be back in the same boat.

Here is an example of something I attempted to do.

My XW loves to read so I thought it would be cool if I woke up every morning and started to read. She would see that I am trying to learn and grow, etc. She also likes to read so we could bond over it. Problem is that I hate f-ing reading and it was something I could not and did not sustain. It lasted for like a weak.

Do things that you enjoy because if you enjoy them they will more likely stick.


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
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I've said this before. Right after my W BD'd me, and obviously before, I started to kill it in my career. Got a double raise, a huge bonus and a promotion.....all within 2 months of BD. So my WW, was suddenly staring at an uber-successful in business H, vs. EA OM who was unemployed, HS dropout, living with elderly dad, and an ex-con, only positive was he could sing well. And potential EA OM#2 who was a HS eductated security guard (not putting down the job but in comparison not very successful) but also could sing really well.

And then I had turned it around at home (read my sitch for details) and had become AMOAFWL on top of career success.

The result was that it woke her up fairly quickly to how good she had it, and how badly she was trading down. Her dad is a very driven, successful CEO of multiple companies over the decades. I remember when I discovered the OM#1 I jokingly said to her, "I can just imagine you introducing him to your dad!" And she look like 1000 bees had stung her.

Find your mojo. Then flaunt it.


M(53), W(54),D(19)
M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
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ozman Offline OP
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Ok. I need to find this thing. This thing that I enjoy and am good at. Lol I don’t know where to start


Me 32. W. 30
T 10 years M 8
S 8

Bd 5-31-19
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