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Can

You know the usual routine with your H

Is he a drinker? If his alcohol use has grown, that will make matters worse

What do you think?
Have his parents spoke to him at all-
Can they check up up on him? to ease your mind?

If it is not appropriate for H parents to check

If it were me, I would probably find a way to just check up on him

Thats me..DB would say dont call
but I sense you may be concerned for his safety?

IS there a way to message him and just smalltalk about some recent good development with D that you wanted to share
just to make sure he is ok?

Can you check insurance info to see if there are any claims, bank info for withdrawals, credit card face book
email ect to make sure he is ok?

any close friends he may contact-

You also can always do DB Coaching ot get more ideas and figure out the best way to handle it all-


married 14 years
H 42
bomb 2/07 IDLYA
D final 3 /09
M ow D ow
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Originally Posted by peacetoday
Can

You know the usual routine with your H

Is he a drinker? If his alcohol use has grown, that will make matters worse

What do you think?
Have his parents spoke to him at all-
Can they check up up on him? to ease your mind?

If it is not appropriate for H parents to check

If it were me, I would probably find a way to just check up on him

Thats me..DB would say dont call
but I sense you may be concerned for his safety?

IS there a way to message him and just smalltalk about some recent good development with D that you wanted to share
just to make sure he is ok?

Can you check insurance info to see if there are any claims, bank info for withdrawals, credit card face book
email ect to make sure he is ok?

any close friends he may contact-

You also can always do DB Coaching ot get more ideas and figure out the best way to handle it all-


I can see he's online, but I don't know where he is. I don’t know if he quit work, and that's why there's no money coming in? Is he looking for a new job? Starting a new life? I feel like a fool wondering, when I should just ask and get an answer, or not. If he's at work, he can't drink or abuse anything. If he's not working, he'd drink. Not sure how much, but he'd indulge.

Mail came for him the other day, I sent a photo, I can see that he's viewed it.

I got offered a job that starts Tuesday. I was excited. Having my friend here is great but I can't open up and let her know what's going on. I'm in tears now as I type this. I wish he'd reach out to me.


~Never Give Up ~
2019
Mar BD
June BD
Dec Aow/xgf
2020
Jan he wants D
Feb he flys2 ow
Mar returns stuck here C19 Lckdwn
Apr he leaves for work until Nov
Oct D FINAL 2020
Living MY Happiest Life Ever
CanBird #2865658 09/18/19 09:08 AM
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My MIL posted something on fb about needing to know both sides of the story before judging. With a crying emoj. What does that mean? Is H there? Could be one of the others.


~Never Give Up ~
2019
Mar BD
June BD
Dec Aow/xgf
2020
Jan he wants D
Feb he flys2 ow
Mar returns stuck here C19 Lckdwn
Apr he leaves for work until Nov
Oct D FINAL 2020
Living MY Happiest Life Ever
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I think it may be for your benefit to get the truth in the open

I remember not wanting to share this because I felt so much shame

Why cant you share the/your truth with your friend-
get a support group
its ok to be authentic...but no blame
with his parents, with a therapist?

The truth being factual ...non judgemental
H wants out of the M..You are not sure what is happening, if he is ok

You care deeply for your H and the M, you want to know he is ok, you will support his choices

Your D and you need some support, make sure you have all the legal advice done and that you can keep to yourself but know the facts
even though you are ok with money-know what your legal right are

How old is he?
If it is true MLC..usually around age 40...it is a long road..sometimes it never ends---sometimes it takes years 2-7 years
probably the percentage of MLCers that fully recover is low-
even if they return..they are scarred-unchanged and for some the same senerio happens again

What do you want for your life?
Really what kind of Relationship do you want-

You can always keep an open door and heart for him
but you may be better off moving forward a little as you stand-
allow yourself to heal-


married 14 years
H 42
bomb 2/07 IDLYA
D final 3 /09
M ow D ow
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There is another scenario to consider...he could have set up a new account and didn't tell you. My xh did that and I discovered it when I went on line to view the account. Contact the banking establishment to see if he has opted to change his deposits first.

As for your MIL, posting on FB about needing to know both sides, sounds like he's either there or he's somewhere else and has told her about how he's feeling. Keep in mind, blood is thicker than water and they generally lean towards their child and not the spouse when it comes to issues w/relationships.

Choose one close friend and confide in that person. You do need someone IRL to be supportive and a sounding board as you walk this path. Whatever you do, do not open up to his family at this time as they will more than likely tell him everything you say and/or do.

For now, do some banking investigating on your own. Then, I would send him a text or email and talk about your child a bit and mention what happened with the AC. Do not let on you know about the banking issue. He may very well be sitting there waiting for you to react to the lack of funds and then that would also justify his need for a separation from you. You will discover more if you remain calm, patient and do things on your own w/o involving his family.

Please think about seeking the assistance of a lawyer. You need to have child support and he needs to provide for her.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Congrats about the job
and tears are good...

hang in
the worst part of this is almost done--


married 14 years
H 42
bomb 2/07 IDLYA
D final 3 /09
M ow D ow
CanBird #2865723 09/18/19 07:03 PM
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H has been online. (Off & on). When I knew he was on, I sent a before & after pic of D3s room, the damage from A/C leak,and current reno status. No real description of what happened. Leaving it open for him to ask questions. At least I know he's alive.

We'll see where this goes.



~Never Give Up ~
2019
Mar BD
June BD
Dec Aow/xgf
2020
Jan he wants D
Feb he flys2 ow
Mar returns stuck here C19 Lckdwn
Apr he leaves for work until Nov
Oct D FINAL 2020
Living MY Happiest Life Ever
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Posts: 715
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Things are really starting to change. Not 100% sure where or what H is up to. Zero activity with our bank account. I'm too embarrassed to talk to any friends & I've got a dear friend staying with us right now. I just can't go there. Not ready to dump this garbage out.

I'm focusing on what I'm doing, and of course side tracked by what H might be doing.

Of Life. So many lessons.


~Never Give Up ~
2019
Mar BD
June BD
Dec Aow/xgf
2020
Jan he wants D
Feb he flys2 ow
Mar returns stuck here C19 Lckdwn
Apr he leaves for work until Nov
Oct D FINAL 2020
Living MY Happiest Life Ever
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 28,295
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You need someone to talk to IRL. You should not feel embarrassed, but I do understand where you are coming from. Try to remember that you have done nothing wrong and the problem is w/him. He's the one that is choosing to remain "out there" and not communicating. How can you know what is wrong unless he tells you.

Focus on you and what you can control. There is no way to tell what he is doing until he tells you or leaves hints as to what he's doing.

Keep the focus on you and your child and enjoy the time you have w/your friend.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Congratulations on the job! Don't be embarrassed, it's not you. I second the talk to a lawyer-i did that early on, and didn't need her yet, but knowing where you stand is empowering. Can you talk to your friend? Are you doing IC? I found (once I found a counsellor i clicked with), that IC is a safe place to talk about everything going on, and helped me crystallize my thoughts and plans.


Me: 57 H:60
Married: 25 yrs
DB #1 June 4/19
"I love you forever" June 14/19
DB#2: June 19/19 ILYBINILWY
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