Totally agree Will. Nothing worth having in life comes easy, or is maintained with zero effort. A great marriage is no exception, it requires a lot of hard work on an ongoing basis. WAS's suffer in silence for months or years and then drop the bomb without warning. Then they usually engage in an affair while still married, and often diss their own kids in the process. How is that a recipe for a better, long-lasting, loving relationship? It makes no sense. But that's their cross to bear, all we can do is conduct ourselves with dignity and respect and be the lighthouse for our kids and for others going through this and leave them to the mess they make.
I am going to be that lighthouse. I have always tried to do the right thing in my life. My kids deserve me to do the right thing for them. Because I love my wife, I will also do the right thing for her. She might not know it, but the right thing is to work on saving our marriage, build a better relationship, and maintain a loving family for our kids. We brought these three beautiful kids into this world, and they deserve for us to fight to fix this for them.
I am going to be that lighthouse. I have always tried to do the right thing in my life. My kids deserve me to do the right thing for them. Because I love my wife, I will also do the right thing for her. She might not know it, but the right thing is to work on saving our marriage, build a better relationship, and maintain a loving family for our kids. We brought these three beautiful kids into this world, and they deserve for us to fight to fix this for them.
Just be prepared to continue to be Plan B. Read sandi's advice. Sandi clearly states that for there to be any hope of your W turning herself around there has to be a feeling of loss. Wise words..............
Last edited by Steve85; 07/16/1905:44 PM.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
I am going to be that lighthouse. I have always tried to do the right thing in my life. My kids deserve me to do the right thing for them. Because I love my wife, I will also do the right thing for her. She might not know it, but the right thing is to work on saving our marriage, build a better relationship, and maintain a loving family for our kids. We brought these three beautiful kids into this world, and they deserve for us to fight to fix this for them.
I admire your integrity, I really do. But what is the "right" thing? I understand your argument, but she might argue that she is unhappy and making her stay in the M will just make both of you AND the kids unhappy. Think about how God shows us love, he does it by giving US the choice to live how we wish. "Free will". He doesn't intervene. So one might argue that the "right" thing to do is honor your W's wishes and give her what she wants. To give her the free will to choose, without you intervening in the process. Now you can stand, that is being the lighthouse. But "She might not know it, but the right thing is to work on saving our marriage"? No, you simply cannot make that choice for her, and you can't force it on her. You've got to let her go.
I absolutely know that i can't make that choice for her. If I could, I would not be in this place. I agree with a lot of what you said, but I think that most people who are "standing" believe the exact same thing I believe. If not, why stand?
I absolutely know that i can't make that choice for her. If I could, I would not be in this place. I agree with a lot of what you said, but I think that most people who are "standing" believe the exact same thing I believe. If not, why stand?
D - I also admire your reasons for standing. I worry that you are letting judgment seep into your viewpoint of your W, which may make things worse for you. If she feels judged it will only drive her away further.
I absolutely know that i can't make that choice for her. If I could, I would not be in this place. I agree with a lot of what you said, but I think that most people who are "standing" believe the exact same thing I believe. If not, why stand?
D - I also admire your reasons for standing. I worry that you are letting judgment seep into your viewpoint of your W, which may make things worse for you. If she feels judged it will only drive her away further.
I agree with U. Standing is admirable - but try to find ways to remove expectations from your interactions with W.
This is a hard lesson to learn, there is no quick way to do this. It takes time.
That is not to mean you have to quit believing in what you believe. By all means, do so. But your W has a different perspective than you do right now.
I am on a mini-vacation with my family. Everything seems to be going great. My wife is using words of endearment much more often. Please keep me and my family in your prayers. I am trying to stay in the present, and not worry constantly about my future. I am trying to be the best dad and husband I can be. You all are in my prayers. I hope you all have a good weekend.
This morning my wife reached out to hold my hand this morning. She even caressed it. I couldn't believe it. She was so warm. I know that I shouldn't get my hopes up, but I will use this event as a sign to keep having faith and persevere.
In my last post, I mentioned how my wife was using a lot more words of endearment than she was previously doing. A couple days later, she was more distant again. I am using this experience as a reason to temper my expectations about holding my hand in the paragraph above. It is crazy how she is cycling in her crisis just like I am cycling in my strength and grief.
While I will temper my expectations, I will also hang onto this moment as a sign of hope.
Meanwhile, I continue to GAL more and more. I am golfing with my sons and I am hanging out with some friends more often. I am also working out 5-6 times a week. I must keep busy.
