Thank you to you both! Some good qualities to work on. In terms of what was listed, I have changed the way I dress. I did go out and buy some new clothes at the beginning of the summer. Wore a nice dress on Mother's Day... something I hadn't done in years! When I first moved here H commented on why I always dressed up for church. He's a jean and t-shirt kind of guy. I always dressed in nice clothes for church b/c it was a form of worship for me, but I stopped because he was uncomfortable and said that God doesn't look to see what you are wearing, He looks at the heart. That is true. So to regain my own identity, I am back at dressing nicely
I stopped wearing perfume when I married H b/c he doesn't like the smell. I only have one perfume I can tolerate wearing without making myself choke up! I'll have to break it out.
Attitude is everything and I want to be the best I can be!
So H's birthday is coming up in a few weeks. It's a milestone birthday for him. He casually told me he didn't want a surprise party, I wasn't planning one. I did have thoughts of doing something special awhile ago, but I reminded myself that 1. it's a form of pursuit 2. he is still having an affair 3. he's not worth of it at the time b/c of his choices. Last weekend, his sisters mentioned throwing him a surprise party. I told them that he told me not to throw him one. They said that they would be throwing him the party, not me, so I would not get in trouble with him. They don't know about his affair...no one knows but me, him, our kids and the OW (and you guys).
How do I get out of this? Or do I just go long and not worry since either way he will be mad? I can't just not show up because then questions will be asked and I'm sure I have to make sure to get him wherever they want him. Plus I'll have the kids.
Even though I won't be helping at all, H will blame me for it because I knew what they were doing.