I was wondering something along the lines of what kml said. Your daughter is 4 and as you well know, little kids do best when they have a set routine. My thought was maybe XW was asking in an effort to see if y'all were somewhere on the same page with the particulars so as to keep your D4's routine consistent across 2 households.
Me 50, H51 3 adult daughters from XH's first marriage (plus 4 grandkids) Divorce final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 1 adult daughter and bonus daughter-in-law from current H's first marriage
I continue to see Sunshine Girl and she and I have been having fun dating and getting to know each other. I'm very happy with her. I just continue to keep my head down so to speak, take it slowly, not let my emotions rush us along at lightning speed and just have fun.
Well I guess post-D there's additional markers in life and yesterday with the ex I just crossed one. She let me know that she plans to introduce our D4 to her new BF. She had never previously said a word about him, but for better than a year I suspected that she and he were involved. Anyway I have no negative feelings, pains/jealousy, whatever. To say that he is FAR different from myself is an understatement. Perhaps that's why the fact of doesn't bother me, there's just almost nothing valid to compare between us. He sounds a good man, the ex is happy and D4 has already spoken to him on the phone in the past so... What more can you say, beyond another checkpoint crossed on the post-D life, wish them well and keep on moving yourself forward.
I ended up with a tie for my top between physical touch and words of affirmation. For me acts of service was ZERO. Just looking back for the girl I was just dating, she scored a highest score possible 12 on acts of service so we were complete polar opposites on that love language.
First date tonight with one of the ladies I've met online. We've texted and talked on the phone last night. I think for sure we'll have a great time. Reminding myself to just have fun, get to know her, GO SLOW, NO RUSH. I'm tall at 6'3 and she's 5'11, I've never dated a tall lady before always have dated petite ladies. Will be cool to have a lady who can look me right in the eye...AND never having to bend over to dance with her
Thats funny. My exww is 5ft 11in. Im 6ft. My new gf is a petite woman, 5ft and 90lbs soaking wet lol. I consider her fun sized.
M:16 T:21 H(me) 38 WW: 38 S11 D16 D19 Red Flags of A: March 2018 ILYBNILWY: August 4, 2018 Moved out of MBR: September 24, 2018 BD/Confirmation of A: October 31, 2018 D Filed: March 27, 2019
Sounds like things are going well B! I don't know about you but I do a LOT of validating with my GF, frankly it gets old because I am the one always doing the nurturing and supporting and get little back but that seems to go with the territory of being more alpha in an R.
Originally Posted by ballast
Well I guess post-D there's additional markers in life and yesterday with the ex I just crossed one. She let me know that she plans to introduce our D4 to her new BF.
At least she asked, that was very polite of her. Good that it didn't affect you negatively, you've grown a lot!
Me: 58 w/ S16, D22, D25 Current R: 4 years Previous M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:56
Through all that I've gone through it seems like the D was needed to make a better life possible for myself, my ex and D4. It's very hard to accept that as a possible necessity, but it does appear to be the case and equally as contradictory is that the D may very well have made all of us happier than we were before. Just planning to keep my focus on D4, my life and happiness and keep heading on down the road.
AS...for me with my new lady friend I am for sure the more alpha and I do more of the validating as you say. That said though, she has been fantastic to date in her support of me and showing me her love for me through actions. She has a very loving heart which is such an enjoyable trait to me after all that I have gone through. And yes it was very polite of her. I doubt very much that she could have met me face to face to let me know what she did, but we do have a very mature and respectful ability to communicate via email. I told her I appreciated her doing so, but didn't feel it necessary as I had long ago suspected there was another in the mix. From making many steps in my own life to include dating a new wonderful lady to just have had ample time to accept that the ex was long gone, I honestly didn't even care to know about the guy. I do trust my ex and as long as the new guy is always a good man to my D4 I've got nothing to say. It really is something though how completely different he and I are. I wonder if he's viable long term with her, but beyond wonder that's the extent of my interest. Another great thing to come out of my exchange with her is that she has already given her consent if/when I meet someone special and wish to introduce them to D4. That I don't think will be for some time, but I very much appreciated her stating as much. That we went basically silent with each other since she left, BUT we still completely trust the other in regards to D4. Again it's weird how life goes some times, but thankfully the silver lining is that we each are doing our best for D4 while at the same time blessing each other to go and find our own new happiness.
Dropping my D4 off at exW's parents house I got to thinking how I hadn't updated in a while. In my sitch as a father I feel like I "won" the best custody I could have expected in 50/50...yet not seeing D4 for a week at a time, that free week is like my sentence for whatever my part was in the failure of the marriage. Just depressing to have D4 for a great week and then not for another. I have friends with older kids who just kind of chuckle at me and say "when they are 13 they won't even want to be seen with you" and I know there's some truth in that. Figure it will get better like everything else, but I just get bummed for a period of time when I give her up.
Beyond the acceptance of the 50/50 I'm in a happy place in my life. The new lady who I first started dating back in late July, she and I are exclusive and have been having wonderful times together. She lives in the country, I in the city but we alternate visiting at each other's place and it's been going very well for us. She has met D4 and I have met her adult daughter and everyone is very comfortable with one another. Looking forward to the upcoming holidays and lots of fun which will be a MUCH welcomed feeling compared to how last year felt when I was separated.
My ex this past week took her new man on a vacation to the exact same places she and I used to go to. Is what it is really and doesn't bother me. I would have thought perhaps she would want to go someplace new and make new memories, but perhaps she just wants to overwrite old ones with new. Ex's new guy...well strangely I've had no feelings of anything about him really. He's older, grayer, less in shape, and from what I'm aware I believe she may be supporting him. To feel like comparing myself to him...we're just not in any way the same. It's funny how at first when I went to my IC she would kind of dispel the whole professional opinion of MLC, but now that she has seen what my ex is with, she says to me "yep, she's living out an MLC". Who knows...it's water long since under the bridge and my life has moved on from her. If I ever do think about my ex it's more in a quizical "she/that is strange" way than anything else. Who knows maybe they'll get married and live happily ever after. It's a wonderful feeling knowing that my life is much the better for not being married to her anymore. The benefits of time and hindsight are quite something on a person's perception of reality and truth.
My best wishes and prayers to all of you struggling...
Hi B - so just want to jump in quickly about the "off" week - it was hell for me, until I decided to do something I'd wanted to do for a long time, but couldn't because of scheduling son's activities, and exh's work travel schedule. I started volunteering at a local endangered wildlife education center on the day son would go with his dad. That first day was always so brutal and set the tone for a very long and lonely week, despite having GAL stuff scheduled for myself.
By starting that week being of service, I gained great peace. My beloved furry friends have given me far more than I've given in return, and I'm deeply grateful. This worked for me. It may not work for you, but I offer the suggestion.
Have a great day!!! xoxoxo
M 20+ T25+ BD 4/6/15 D Final 12/23/16
"Whoever knows me can never fall - For I am love, which the vast expanse of evil can never still." -Hildegard of Bingen
bttrfly...Thank you for your suggestion! Luckily for some time now I've been doing great during the week I don't have her keeping myself busy with things that I enjoy. The sticking point is just that forced physical parting every other week and then the reflection on the fun times just had and the upcoming week of time which could have had more of the same, lost. I admire and respect you for your volunteerism with furry friends. It is something that I have told myself I would like to do, but as yet in life have not done so.