a quick off of my current thread topic question for you all with kids and ex's...
after you divorced did you quickly get feelings that you and your ex had some fundamental disagreements on the raising of your children? And as I'm sure most of you did even if only on the margins, did you actively seek to discuss those with your ex to reach concensus or did you accept that it was ok that you two may have differences of opinions on the particulars, but that was ok so long as on the main points of upbringing you were in agreement?
finding my ex pinging me about (no lie) hey what soap are you using to bath D4? what time do you put D4 down for sleep? stuf that I don't believe we have to be in lock step in on, but not things I feel like discussing with her so as to prevent us from having to talk about things I don't believe as super important.
Appreciate the comments TB. Yeah see as long as the macro type things are in agreement, I'm loathe to even bother replying on the micro items. I feel like saying sometimes "you know we are divorced now and while I always hope to work with you for the best of our D4, it's not essential, required or even realistic to expect that our opinions, feelings and ways of doing things will always be the same." And then I think the H with that, as in my case it would likely do more harm than good. So I just agree on what I feel she says makes sense and then deflect, defuse or reply ambiguously on the rest. I guess that's mostly because as we have joint custody I'm free to do as I see fit in raising D4 just as she is able to do.
She has definitely been more conversational with me via email regarding details of my D4's life. Down right friendly recently in regards to our being flexible to accomodate each other's vacation plans.
But then...she still can't look at me face to face after 18 months apart. When we exchanged D4 she simply could not look at me. Still amazes me she's still like that, but it just is what it is.
Yeah, definitely take the high road with her. Agree on the things she says I agree with and then just move on.
My XW gets really friendly when (1) she wants something or (2) OM is out of town. Outside of that she is usually pretty dark unless it is kids schedules. Be cordial, but don't go out of your way and bend over backwards.
H(37) W(35) D8, D5, S3 T20, M13 BD 8/31/18 EA Discovered 9/13/18 Mediation 10/3/18 W files for D 10/12/18 W moves out 11/10/18 EA confirmed 12/25/18 D Final 1/10/19
Those could both be legitimate questions : what soap? (D4 is having a rash or allergic reaction to something and I'm trying to figure out what, or D4 said she really likes your soap and I'd like to buy it too). What bedtime? (D4 is coming home really tired after visitation with you and I wondered if she's staying up too late. Or I'm trying to enforce an 8:00 bedtime but your 10:00 bedtime is messing it up.)
If she didn't give you more information, I;d just reply "Why do you ask?" and see what her response is. If it's legitimate, reply. If it's not then you can give her the lecture on separate parenting.