Today when d3 and I got home from her appt, another notification was there, telling us what H has ordered online. Another pair of pants (elastic in back? drawstring in front) And shortly after that, another notification for a pair of black converse (womens). My heart sunk. However, his mom & sister both were these shoes. I don't know and have to erase that I'm even hearing these messages. And again, no packages have arrived at our house.
OH good lord, another notification just came in....womens flip flops... his favorite & my favorite brand. WTF!
I have no idea what's going on. This is truly scaring me. I hate these feelings. I have chosen not to talk to anyone, except here. I don't want to tell anyone what's going on because, it's embarrassing. I feel like I've failed as a wife.
Doing the ugly cry right now. Feels likes many bombs have been dropped.
As soon as d3 starts daycare, I think I might need to seek help. I want to be strong, but this hurts. I feel silly for saying that when I know there are far more serious situations out there. Regardless, I'm hurting too.
Haven't sent the b-day card yet. Will try tomorrow. I don't want to cry all over it.
~Never Give Up ~ 2019 Mar BD June BD Dec Aow/xgf 2020 Jan he wants D Feb he flys2 ow Mar returns stuck here C19 Lckdwn Apr he leaves for work until Nov Oct D FINAL 2020 Living MY Happiest Life Ever
Am I being mean by not sending him an email update on D3? He never asked for updates, or asks about her.
Read this as many times as it takes for you to stop judging yourself so harshly. It doesn't matter what anyone tells you, it matters what YOU tell you. Tell yourself that you are honoring his wishes. You don't have to like it, I don't know anyone in their right mind that would like a parent not wanting to hear from/about their children. It hurts. Like AS wrote, let yourself feel whatever you feel, but don't stay there.
I also agree that even thought this time away feels hard, it can be a great opportunity for you to focus on you and your D3. No pressure to fake it in front of H, no pressure to please/displease, worry about how your actions are affecting him.
Think about what you want to accomplish during this time apart. Take care of yourself. You can do this. ((hugs))
Thanks for the ((hugs)) 97Hope.
Of course I'm being harsh on myself. I'm that limbo stage. Great for a little, then falling falling falling.
I did read your post a few times, and thank you for suggesting that. I'm back to the no email updates unless asked for. He knows how to ask, which means communicating with me. Now I'm disappointed in him, as a parent, that he hasn't asked about her. He must be too busy shopping online. (See other posts).
The time away I have to be more thankful for it I guess. Yes, no need to fake it in front of H. I'm not the best actress, so good thing I'll have time to work on that. This situation is anything but normal, that's the hard part. As a Stay-at-home-mom, my focus is always on d3. I've been a part time (6 months of the year) single mom since she was born, pretty much. I have no family here. Although it's paradise, your surrounds don't mean anything if you feel horrible inside. I do have friends; no one knows the pain I'm going through. THat's my choice. I'm a pretty private person. Might seek help in the near future.
Yes, I really do need to focus more on what I want to accomplish during this time apart. It's funny how we can be each others cheer leaders, but we sometimes forget to cheer for ourselves. I've got to get back to my routine of self love, and doing something different everyday. And at maybe something that scares you once a month! D3 and I do a lot of gardening. It's something I love to do. And she enjoys it too.
I feel a little bit better now.
THanks again for the ((hugs))
~Never Give Up ~ 2019 Mar BD June BD Dec Aow/xgf 2020 Jan he wants D Feb he flys2 ow Mar returns stuck here C19 Lckdwn Apr he leaves for work until Nov Oct D FINAL 2020 Living MY Happiest Life Ever
Feeling a bit better now that I've had an ugly cry (the messy kind, when snot is running down your face).
We all need to cry from time to time.
This ugly "challenge" that I have no control over (H in MLC) has made me cry, just like I did with my mother's loss. But I don't want to cry about H. I know I can be strong. New fuel was added to the fire in the most unexpected way. Of course I'm going to react. I did my ugly crying when d3 was asleep. I try my best to always be positive in front of her. Sometimes she notices I'm not okay & hugs me. I just tell her I had a moment & I'll be okay.
The new fuel to the fire: more notifications of H online purchases. The last two items: women's footwear (converse & flip-flops BOTH are name brands that H loves). These are just a few of the things he's purchased. The rest are men's items (shorts, underwear, linen shirt & linen pants & another set of pants). Nothing got delivered here.
So, that is what I was crying about. Well, the not knowing. I'm praying that these items actually get delivered here. I can't waste my time trying to figure out "The Case of the Amazon Orders". It is what it is.
~Never Give Up ~ 2019 Mar BD June BD Dec Aow/xgf 2020 Jan he wants D Feb he flys2 ow Mar returns stuck here C19 Lckdwn Apr he leaves for work until Nov Oct D FINAL 2020 Living MY Happiest Life Ever
~Never Give Up ~ 2019 Mar BD June BD Dec Aow/xgf 2020 Jan he wants D Feb he flys2 ow Mar returns stuck here C19 Lckdwn Apr he leaves for work until Nov Oct D FINAL 2020 Living MY Happiest Life Ever
Boundaries is a good one . Sorry not much help on the WAH apart from it’s his journey and you cannot control when he will come out of it . Sending hugs to you , a strong, soon to be stronger lady
Thanks Tryhard . Great name btw. I read something last night, does & don'ts. Good reading.
~Never Give Up ~ 2019 Mar BD June BD Dec Aow/xgf 2020 Jan he wants D Feb he flys2 ow Mar returns stuck here C19 Lckdwn Apr he leaves for work until Nov Oct D FINAL 2020 Living MY Happiest Life Ever
Could he be sharing his amazon prime account with family who are ordering these items? Mother and/or sister? Just a thought. Or he could be buying gifts.
The not knowing can be very scary. You aren't alone in that. It's what you choose to do with the fear that matters. Accept it and face it or let it swallow you.
I already know what kind of a gal you are. You raise a baby on your own 6 months out of a year. Don't forget who you are.
ME47 XH44, S28 S24 S19
8/17-BD IHS: 1/17-2/19 D FILED (ME): 7/19 D FINAL: 10/20 M23 T25 OW CONFIRMED: 01/21
Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
Could he be sharing his amazon prime account with family who are ordering these items? Mother and/or sister? Just a thought. Or he could be buying gifts.
He could be buying gifts for family, he's like that, but it's not anyone's birthday. (They all have their own accounts). I hope the clothes are gifts for family & the women's shoes are an error while ordering. The error in ordering makes sense. I still don't know where anything is going. I suspect his grandma's, but I don’t dare ask.
~Never Give Up ~ 2019 Mar BD June BD Dec Aow/xgf 2020 Jan he wants D Feb he flys2 ow Mar returns stuck here C19 Lckdwn Apr he leaves for work until Nov Oct D FINAL 2020 Living MY Happiest Life Ever
