Done with a WW and moving on

[SoTorn]

Well, I am all moved out. Moved into a very nice and modern home just five minutes from my old house. My kids really love the new house. I am looking forward to the weeks I get to spend with them. My kids are spending my first week in my home with me. Which is good because I need their company.

I am not going to lie, I immediately feel extremely lonely. I am really sad. I have never lived alone in my entire life. I have always had a family. Its going to take a good amount of time to get used to this. I feel like I am in someone elses home. My new GF is going to visit me as often as possible. She is coming on June 7th and staying with me for at least a week. She wont stay with me when the kids are here. Not until they are comfortable here with me. They met her and they like her so when she does come to stay and they are here they will be fine. She is looking forward to doing things with them. When they are home during the summer and I am at work she said she would take them to do things like swim and go to the movies etc. Thats good because I want them to get to know her. I plan on her being in my life because she is a very sweet and caring woman and I am extremely happy to have met her. I feel lucky to have met her honestly.

I was very uneasy living in my house with my EXWW. She is spinning badly. D16 told me that my EXWW was struggling with me moving out and that she is extremely sad. EXWW has been saying "sorry" over and over again to D16. EXWW keeps telling D16 that I wont talk to her. That is true. I won't spark up a conversation with her. I don't initiate anything with her. If she talks to me I will talk to her. I greet her and thats about it. Unfortunately, every single time we talk, my EXWW drives the conversation to a point where she is blaming me for all of this. I just validate her feelings and end the conversation. I don't have the time, patience or energy to waste on any sort of conversation that doesnt have to do with anything important.

D16 told me that she hates the old house now. Thats probably why she hung out with me at my new house all day and didnt want to go home. S12 and D16 are excited with the new house. They really like the house.

I ran to Target to pick up some essentials for the night and D16 messaged me saying she was going to come by my house. The thing is that she was with my EXWW. My EXWW desperately wants to look at the house I got.

I am not trying to be a d*ck, but I don't want my EXWW at my house. I dont want to see her or interact with her for anything other than logistical issues with the kids. Other than that I have zero desire to socialize with her. D16 told e that EXWW wants to see my house. From the way my EXWW acts it seems like she wants to make sure the house is up to her standards.

My two friends that helped me move, both told me that all they could see was a very bitter controlling woman. Come to find out that my EXWW had a bunch of stuff that needed to go to the dump and Goodwill. She assumed that since my friend had a truck we were going to throw all this stuff away and donate it.

The thing is that my EXWW never once asked or mentioned anything about going to the dump or Goodwill. She just demanded it be done. Honestly if she would have asked me in advance I could have scheduled it with my buddy. But he didnt have time to do anything else but help me move the large items.

Of course EXWW got mad because I wasnt doing what she demanded of my friend and I. She kept making snide comments about how I wasnt doing what she asked of me.

Also, EXWW got mad because I didnt search for a house based on whether or not they take pets. My goal was to just stay close and in the same school district for my kids. EXWW had already decided that I was going to take the cat and watch the dogs whenever she goes out of town. The lease specifically says no pets and I refuse to lose my security deposit because she needs my convenience

Then even though she had agreed to take anything I want from the house, when I started to pack up the big TV. she got very angry at me telling me she cant afford to buy a TV. I dont understand how someone who makes nearly $150K/yr cant afford a TV.

Regardless of feeling lonely and sad, I know that this is the start of a whole new chapter of my life, one where my kids and I come first and where I make the decisions that make me happy and drive my life forward. I am looking forward to flourishing.

[EZdozit]

ST,
Your ex sounds exactly like my STBX...NPD that’s very manipulative, bitter, and angry that nothing has gone how she envisioned. Unfortunately I’m still not to finish line after what has been a 15 month process and she now is picking and creating new issues/garbage to fight over with attorneys. I do believe she wants to draw process out as long as she can as a means to continue to control me and prevent me from moving on. Miserable woman she is...

I moved to my new place a few weeks back and STBX has gone to great lengths to try to see/access my house, even trying to bait S7 over FaceTime to “get a tour” of his home. Boundaries are a wonderful thing! It’s comical to the level of bat$hit crazy it is making her. I’ve had a designated meeting spot to do kid exchanges for 10 months established (my gym) and she’s been pitching a fit and getting attorney involved with that saying it needs to be done at my home. Nope

[JujuB]

Wow. Your wives are just insanely entitled. They have no right to see your house or dictate anything.

I’m wondering if she’s involving your kids a little too much though? That’s not healthy for the kids.

[SoTorn]

ST,
Your ex sounds exactly like my STBX...NPD that’s very manipulative, bitter, and angry that nothing has gone how she envisioned. Unfortunately I’m still not to finish line after what has been a 15 month process and she now is picking and creating new issues/garbage to fight over with attorneys. I do believe she wants to draw process out as long as she can as a means to continue to control me and prevent me from moving on. Miserable woman she is...

I moved to my new place a few weeks back and STBX has gone to great lengths to try to see/access my house, even trying to bait S7 over FaceTime to “get a tour” of his home. Boundaries are a wonderful thing! It’s comical to the level of bat$hit crazy it is making her. I’ve had a designated meeting spot to do kid exchanges for 10 months established (my gym) and she’s been pitching a fit and getting attorney involved with that saying it needs to be done at my home. Nope

Funny, my EXWW literally texted me saying shes coming by to see the house. I told her no. She said she has the right to see where her kids will live. I told her no. No reason she should be here. This is not her home.

Very glad my D was swift and for the most part amicable. I am having a rough time. I am very sad. I may take a couple of weeks off work.

[EZdozit]

ST - Do what you gotta do to get your happiness in line. Sounds like you’ve done a good job with it. My sitch was we didn’t have in house separation, she moved out in April,2018. So I’ve had a long period to adjust...and since moving out of marital home last month, I’ve completely removed from our past life and love how I’ve been able to insulate myself from STBX’s BS. Your totally free now....I envy your position!

[SoTorn]

I talked with my manager today. He is going to approve some time off. Its unpaid but I can swing it once.

[JujuB]

shes really controlling and she has no right to demand to see your house in the name of your children. Especially if it was not included in the decree. Good for you to stick to your boundaries!

If she pursues, talk to your attorney. My guess is that the most she could do is have a neutral social worker or CPS check it out... but I would imagine there would have to be an actual reason??? And if she makes up a reason she could lose child support no? False accusations are not looked highly upon. So save all your interactions.

A lot of walk away females still want control. I have an acquaintance that is one and she puts her ex husband through hell. She gets the title of primary custodian and receives child support, but he’s the one that is always watching her son while she works and dates. He takes every opportunity to be with his kid (and had to move away because our area is too expensive for him to afford). She’s very aware too. Told me how when he got a new girlfriend she started to cry and got upset. When he saw, that he offered to try to work things out with her. She told me as soon as he said that, she realized she didn’t love him or want him back. She also has been having bad luck with guys and she wants to keep ex husband on side in case things don’t work because he is good with the kids.

[kml]

I'm curious about your diagnosis of your ex as NPD. Was that diagnosis made by a professional? Do you see that behavior throughout your entire marriage? Or is that just your way of rationalizing her behavior during her affair?

I ask because it can be a mistake to diagnose someone when they are in crisis - many MLCers LOOK like they have a serious psych diagnosis but never manifested before and return to normal once their crisis is resolved. On the other hand, some of us cannot see the dysfunction in our spouses until we have some distance - it took some time after my separation for me to see clearly that my ex was and always had been a bit of a narcissist and that was informing his actions during our marriage as well as after our divorce.

You've moved on very quickly to a new relationship and if your ex truly has always been NPD that may be fine, I understand the relief, but you should be careful that you don't overlook red flags in your hurry to be re-coupled.

[SoTorn]

Jujub,

She would have to have a reason. There is not a reason. Also, no child support. Technically she should be paying me but I havent asked for it. But if I need to I will. We have 50 50 custody. Her seeing my home is not in the decree.

Kml,

The behavior I see and saw was persistent throughout the marriage. I just dealt with it because I felt that was best for the kids and MR. Extremely controlling, hyper judgmental and critical, loving at arms length, constant bkame shifting, never admitting fault or wrong doing, always right, always better than everyone, zero empathy. They were there the entire marriage, they just flared massively when she had her MLC that led to her A.

Im very glad I found these forums. Ibwas spinning and pursuing and spinning. I found my strength to drop this shell of who used to be my wife and move on.

I am still very sad moving out and having my kids half the time. I have never lived alone or without my kids. So im struggling finding the normal feeling. Ill get there.

[SoTorn]

This is rough. D16 is extremely unhappy and was already battling depression.

I had a long talk with my kids tonight centeres around the importance of healthy communication between all of us.

I told them that I am sorry for my part and any of my past toxic behavior that they had to deal with and the BS they had to deal with while sh*t was headed downhill.

It was a good heart to heart. I told them I truly do hope their mother finds peace and happiness in her ventires and that she gets through this hurtful time and is again happy. She deserves to be happy as well.

We all deserve to be happy. D16 cried and held me. She hasnt done that in a very long time.



I was able to secure a little time off of work. I feel that is the best course of action because I feel that I need to be here with my kids this first week with me and them in a new house.

They are very comfortable here fortunately. S12 told me "this house is not creepy"


I feel the same. I am glad its not creepy. Going to take the kids to a movie tomorrow. Looking forward to it.

I have faith that time will heal all wounds. Im a patient man now. I cant hold out.