Gordie, I have only been trolling on here lately as well, but I have not seen an update from you in a while. I hope and pray that all is going well with you and your family.
Like the man that you spoke with, I have totally dropped my rope and have decided to join the rest of the sheep in the dating pool. It is ridiculous out there. My ex has decided to move on with a man her age that has 2 young kids. Maybe she is trying to get it right this time...haha!!!
Thoughts and prayers going your way my brother!
Me 49 W46 T25 M22 S22 D18 S13 W had EA Apr-Jul 2016 Dropped Bomb 7/9/16 ILYBINILWYA HER DIVORCE IS FINAL...8/18/17 Dropping the rope to SURVIVE & THRIVE!!!
Overall, life is good. Relationships with kids are great. Lots of unexpected professional success. Relationship with w continues to slowly get better, but has its ups and downs, as she has her ups and downs. I try to remember my hard earned skills to listen, not try and fix her, to provide assistance and advice when asked. Sometimes she opens up to me and cries and other times she keeps to herself. We are in the same bed but she desires no marital intimacy. When I get down, I pray and count my blessings. I remind myself that this is a marathon and not a sprint, dig for more patience and cling to the belief that this will continue to get better over time. I still get triggered on occasion but those times are fewer and farther in between. Thank you for all the support you have offered these three long years. I think of and pray for all of you often.
Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids 2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong 2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2 2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
I remind myself that this is a marathon and not a sprint, dig for more patience and cling to the belief that this will continue to get better over time.
It is wonderful to hear about your grand relationship with your children, and the other successes in your professional arena. Both, at times, for me and I’m guessing a great many of us, seem unexpected. It really should not.
When one survives and overcomes such difficult times, and heals from such pain and darkness; some very great and worthy insights are gained. This is an incredible opportunity for growth and personal success. A true blessing, in the most hidden of ways.
These personal gains reflect in our relationship with our children and those around us. Successes start to build as more and more people realize the changes within you. Compassion, empathy, forgiveness, and such - ideals that raise one’s emotional quotient; the thing that allows us to connect with others. Success has to follow. It’s a state of mind, we create it.
I have about the worst relationship with my XW as one can have. She seems completely indifferent to me. We have not spoken in a year and a half. Our R is as dismal as one can get - basically there is no relationship, no co-parenting ( if such a thing can actually exist), no anger, no messages through the kids, just nothing. However, my kids, my parents, my friends, my colleges at work, my mangers, all see the changes in me, my passions, the fire within. Those relationships are so much better than they were before. And so many opportunities have arisen because of the changes within me.
I believe God also sees the changes within me, and is pleased. His and my relationship is better too.
The big thing - I am pleased with my changes.
I believe you are of a similar path regarding personal changes and their benefits.
Your relationship with W has its ups and downs, and is, overall, slowly getting better (much different than mine). Which brings me to the aforementioned quote.
This is most definitely a marathon and one needs volumes of patience. Your relationship with W is getting better over time and should continue to get better. You can see that. Do you believe that?
A belief need not to be clung to. It clings to you. A belief is you.
A gardener nurtures, tends, waters, and cares for the plants and flowers. They cannot make them grow. They can only influence. The flowers grow on their own, at their pace.
We are all flowers and gardener within the soil of our relationships. For ourselves, the blooms we can control - shine those fully. And for the dormant flowers still wrapped within its sleeping petals - continue to nurture. See and believe in the wonderful blooms still to come.
You are a compassionate loving person. Keep tending the budding relationship.
I believe in you my friend.
DnJ
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
Interesting what you say that we should not be surprised at the good things that have come for both of us.
And thank you for the encouragement and believing in me and the gentlest of 2x4s.
There are times when I feel strong and unwavering in my beliefs.
There are other times when I feel just full of impatience and doubt and questions and far from the person I aspire to be.
It is growth for me that I recognize those times and acknowledge: in my weakness, He is strong.
The old me was a strong believer that I could do it all on my own.
Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids 2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong 2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2 2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
Gordie, how awesome that you came for a visit. I just dropped in recently too. Glad to hear that things for you are going well. I can imagine that you'd like it to be further, but it sounds good. How are the kids doing? Love to hear how they are handling all of this.
Kids are doing pretty well with all this. For the older ones, this new mom is very different so they are negotiating that new relationship. My oldest has the hardest time with this because the values and beliefs are so different. My middle one I think is the most skittish. When we have a disagreement, he is immediately triggered that the end is near. I do my best to help them buy know this is hard for them too.
Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids 2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong 2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2 2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
I just wanted to stop by and wish everyone a Merry Christmas / Happy Hanukkah / Happy Holidays. While I no longer frequent the forums I think of all of you, keep you in my prayers and wish you the best on this crazy and unwanted journey. I learned so much from all of you and I am very grateful for your companionship during some unbelievably difficult days, weeks, months and years.
Speaking now with a little distance, the wisdom found here was sound and the 2x4s needed. And yes, I have grown through all of these experiences. My GAL opened new doors for me which enriched my life. I became a less judgmental and more empathetic person. I became a better husband and father.
W and I are still married and we continue to slowly reconnect and build a new relationship. As other vets have told me, this too is a slow and non-linear process. But I still believe that my commitment to M is for life and that at the end of mine, I will be happy for having stuck through these difficult times.
Peace on earth to all of you.
Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids 2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong 2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2 2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
Thank you for returning and giving us a wonderful update.
Merry Christmas to you and your family. May the new year be even more surprising and happy for all of you.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
if such a thing can actually exist), no anger, no messages through the kids, just nothing. However, my kids, my parents, my friends, my colleges at work, my mangers, all see the changes in me, my passions, the fire within. Those relationships are so much better than they were before. And so many opportunities have arisen because of the changes within me.