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A Message from Michele
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Re: Moving on #3 [Re: petri] #2861141
08/12/19 08:02 PM
08/12/19 08:02 PM
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petri Offline OP
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petri  Offline OP
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First and most important thing. She hasn't threatened to kill herself. She talked about suicide and that she was scared that she had these thoughts.

Second thing. If there is any form of violence and a child is involved as a victim or a witness one is obligated by law to pass this information to proper authority.

I am not diminishing the seriousness of what is going on in her end. I was in contact with her about this and she convinced me that I do not need to worry. Her best friend is aware of these thoughts and is her best support now.


Me:39 W:36
S:12 D:9
T:14 M:11
Separation:sep. 1 2017
D filed oct. 2017
D finalized july 2018
OM confirmed feb 2018
D finalized July 2018

The fact is this. You have to be in pain before you can learn.
Re: Moving on #3 [Re: petri] #2861202
08/13/19 12:56 PM
08/13/19 12:56 PM
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 5,701
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Steve85 Offline
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Steve85  Offline
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Originally Posted by petri

Second thing. If there is any form of violence and a child is involved as a victim or a witness one is obligated by law to pass this information to proper authority.


Yep, agree 100%. However, I've often seen LBSs that run to the authorities every time their kid says "Mommy and new guy had an argument!" Petri, make sure your motivations are pure. Make sure your kids nor yourself are over blowing things (and yes what you described sounds like pretty common argument stuff).

Too put everything in perspective, I'd be more concerned with your W's suicidal tendencies than something new guy said to her in front of the kids.

Last edited by Steve85; 08/13/19 12:56 PM.

M(50), W(51),D(15)
M-20, T-22 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Re: Moving on #3 [Re: petri] #2861221
08/13/19 03:00 PM
08/13/19 03:00 PM
Joined: Dec 2017
Posts: 610
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petri Offline OP
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petri  Offline OP
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I haven't made any moves. And if I hear from my kids about anything like this I will talk to XW about it.

But I disagree on your point that being called names is common. Not when it's to the point that it's constant. I've seen the results of that. My mom for one.

And the fact that XW is having thoughts that everyone would be better off if she didn't exist anymore combined with insults from new man is not a good combo. So in a bigger picture what is causing what?


Me:39 W:36
S:12 D:9
T:14 M:11
Separation:sep. 1 2017
D filed oct. 2017
D finalized july 2018
OM confirmed feb 2018
D finalized July 2018

The fact is this. You have to be in pain before you can learn.
Re: Moving on #3 [Re: petri] #2861222
08/13/19 03:01 PM
08/13/19 03:01 PM
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 5,701
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Steve85 Offline
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Steve85  Offline
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Just check your motivations......


M(50), W(51),D(15)
M-20, T-22 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Re: Moving on #3 [Re: petri] #2861229
08/13/19 04:04 PM
08/13/19 04:04 PM
Joined: Dec 2017
Posts: 610
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petri Offline OP
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petri  Offline OP
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My motivation is to make sure my kids are safe. I've seen this and worse as a kid. I do not want them to go through what I've seen.


Me:39 W:36
S:12 D:9
T:14 M:11
Separation:sep. 1 2017
D filed oct. 2017
D finalized july 2018
OM confirmed feb 2018
D finalized July 2018

The fact is this. You have to be in pain before you can learn.
Re: Moving on #3 [Re: petri] #2862707
08/25/19 08:13 AM
08/25/19 08:13 AM
Joined: Dec 2017
Posts: 610
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petri Offline OP
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petri  Offline OP
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Here's what has happened in the last two weeks. XW went to therapy and we discussed about going together there the first time. I did go without expectations(to my big surprise). I don't know if that was a bad thing or not. However something new came to surface that I did not know about. She said that a lot of our R problems came from her. She had realized that an older R before me is still affecting her in other Rs. She was dumped coldly, as she put it(I somewhat know what that feels like). She will continue in IC as will I. We have both have same therapist, that being either good or bad. We both were given the same "homework", to figure out what is our objective. I have to admit that I was pretty sure what I wanted but now I have no idea.

The biggest thing in these two weeks is thatno matter what the outcome, I wish is for her to get her head straight and her life in order.


Me:39 W:36
S:12 D:9
T:14 M:11
Separation:sep. 1 2017
D filed oct. 2017
D finalized july 2018
OM confirmed feb 2018
D finalized July 2018

The fact is this. You have to be in pain before you can learn.
Re: Moving on #3 [Re: petri] #2862907
08/26/19 08:56 PM
08/26/19 08:56 PM
Joined: Mar 2017
Posts: 285
Somewhere in Europe
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Btrow Offline
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Somewhere in Europe
Hey Petri

That is certainly interesting. It is obvoius that you don't know what your objective is. Do you have any clue what hers is? And what were her reasons for asking you to join her in therapy?


M:46 WXW:40
T:20 M:13
D3,D8,D10
BD:11/12/16
D:12/14/16
OM confirmed 01/20/17
Re: Moving on #3 [Re: petri] #2862909
08/26/19 09:10 PM
08/26/19 09:10 PM
Joined: Apr 2017
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neffer Offline
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Just keep your light shining P. Wear sun glasses everybody! ;-)


WW H(me): 49
W: 44
T: 24 M: 19
S: 14
Piecing since 03/2016
Saw the light in the storm
Re: Moving on #3 [Re: petri] #2862924
08/26/19 10:39 PM
08/26/19 10:39 PM
Joined: Dec 2017
Posts: 610
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petri Offline OP
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Btrow. I have no clue what so ever what her objective is, she said that it's really hard to determune that at this point as her head is in a fog. To answer the reason part: I had an appointment with my therapist and I told her she could use it if it's ok with the therapist. That way she got help faster. If she had gone the normal route it would of taken weeks. Now she got to "cut the line". We then discussed about it and made a mutual agreement to go together. So it was more of a mutual decision instead of her asking me. I said at the very beginning that my role here is just to make this therapy a possibility to her, that's it. But when we later talked she said that there are a lot of things tjat need to be addressed. For the first time she said that her anger and resentment towards me is pretty much gone. Some old things still bother her.

I have to say that my head is filled with thoughts. Trying to grasp something where I could start bondenring all of this. It's been a weird trip so far and it seems get weirder. But still doing my thing and keeping it as strong as I can.

Neff. It's starting to get dark here in the North, winter is coming and all of that, so we need the light. Just let it shine!


Me:39 W:36
S:12 D:9
T:14 M:11
Separation:sep. 1 2017
D filed oct. 2017
D finalized july 2018
OM confirmed feb 2018
D finalized July 2018

The fact is this. You have to be in pain before you can learn.
Re: Moving on #3 [Re: petri] #2862970
08/27/19 09:56 AM
08/27/19 09:56 AM
Joined: Dec 2017
Posts: 610
Finland
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petri Offline OP
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petri  Offline OP
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Joined: Dec 2017
Posts: 610
Finland
I logged in to FB today. There was a weird notification. My XW had marked me as her husband. A little slip here and there. We all make those...


Me:39 W:36
S:12 D:9
T:14 M:11
Separation:sep. 1 2017
D filed oct. 2017
D finalized july 2018
OM confirmed feb 2018
D finalized July 2018

The fact is this. You have to be in pain before you can learn.
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