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Harvey, I can’t find in your thread, but I thought when you and XW told your kids about D, there was some question whether she was going to own it, or that you both fell out of love. Whatever it was, would knowledge of OM have changed how it was handled.?


Me 57/W 53, M 23, T 27

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BDay 6/29/20, ILYBINILWY

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Originally Posted by Steve85
So the answer to LH's question is no?


Correct

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Originally Posted by NickWing
Harvey, I can’t find in your thread, but I thought when you and XW told your kids about D, there was some question whether she was going to own it, or that you both fell out of love. Whatever it was, would knowledge of OM have changed how it was handled.?


My XW wanted us to say that "we" wanted a divorce. I wouldn't do that. I wasn't going to own that. I was reading a couple of books at the time (a Father-Daughter book and "Children of Divorce"). One of them stated that daughters need to know their Dad would/did not give up on them and the family--especially those approaching their teen years. I made it clear to them on that day that I didn't want the divorce. I said my peace. I've never brought it up again after that day. I don't regret the decision. Whether there was an OM or not, wouldn't have changed how I handled it.

Last edited by harvey; 02/01/21 07:09 AM.
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harvey - Thanks for stopping by my thread and others' threads today. Any update on your status? It's been awhile.


Me:39 Ex-W:37
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BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20
OM1 affair ends: May '20
W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20
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OM2 confirmed: 9/2020
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Originally Posted by BL42
harvey - Thanks for stopping by my thread and others' threads today. Any update on your status? It's been awhile.


Not much to report. Life is good. Got DB'd. Divorced less than 4 months later. Met my current GF at a funeral about 6 months after my divorce. I told her I wasn't ready to start dating. Several months later I felt I was ready, we started dating, and we are close to our two year anniversary. My daughters are doing well. I've backtracked on some things since my divorce. Mainly, my diet has gone to hell and I've gained much of the weight back that I lost while going through the divorce. On the flip side I haven't fallen back into bad habits that doomed my marriage. I've stayed in contact with family and friends. My GAL game is pretty strong. I go on a lot of road trips (with my daughters or my GF), go to a family lake home about once/month, do quite a bit of hunting and fishing, been to several concerts, etc. Work is going very well, but I'm not looking forward to going back into the office next month. That's about it. The divorce was hard, but I've come out the other side strong.

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Originally Posted by harvey
Originally Posted by BL42
harvey - Thanks for stopping by my thread and others' threads today. Any update on your status? It's been awhile.


Not much to report. Life is good. Got DB'd. Divorced less than 4 months later. Met my current GF at a funeral about 6 months after my divorce. I told her I wasn't ready to start dating. Several months later I felt I was ready, we started dating, and we are close to our two year anniversary. My daughters are doing well. I've backtracked on some things since my divorce. Mainly, my diet has gone to hell and I've gained much of the weight back that I lost while going through the divorce. On the flip side I haven't fallen back into bad habits that doomed my marriage. I've stayed in contact with family and friends. My GAL game is pretty strong. I go on a lot of road trips (with my daughters or my GF), go to a family lake home about once/month, do quite a bit of hunting and fishing, been to several concerts, etc. Work is going very well, but I'm not looking forward to going back into the office next month. That's about it. The divorce was hard, but I've come out the other side strong.


THIS. IS. AWESOME.

We don't get to decide what happens to us. We do get to decide how we react to it. harvey, you are an example of how to properly react!


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Harvey

It's been a long time. I stopped by the other day just to check in and I saw you had posted.

You sound well and I'm glad things are going well for you. How are the girls? How is the job situation?

I still have probs with my older one, but I hang in there, fumbling my way through. If nothing else, all the BS I went through with her father has taught me patience smile.

I have been fortunate enough to have not been too adversely impacted employment wise, but I do miss just going out and seeing people. I don't think I knew how much I'd come to rely on just catching up with people and having a good gossip, or putting the world to rights. I'm glad we are (slowly) coming out of lockdown now.

PS - it's nice dropping in and our conversations not being dominated by 'them'.

FS


W40 (me), H40
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D12, D9

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It is great to hear from you, FS.

The girls are doing well. I really think everybody is good with their new normal. XW and I are amicable. I'm a better father, and I'm a better BF, so that's about all I could do to make the best of this situation.

Your oldest is a teenage girl, so don't beat yourself up too much. Teenage girls are hard to deal with at times. I would know. smile

Your situation felt similar to mine, and I'm thankful you were around when I was going through my divorce. Thank you for your advice over the years! I wish I could give you a big platonic hug some day. smile

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