The bill, as I read it, will give both of you UIC at your regular salary for 4 months.
I'm not sure what UIC is. Is that a term for unemployment? I was proud to say that I had never drawn unemployment. Just shy of 50, I can no longer say that. I'm drawing unemployment + funding from the CARES Act. Max unemployment in my state comes out to about 25% of my salary. With the CARES Act I'll be just short of half my salary. It's enough to cover my bills. It's not like I have a lot of discretionary spending right now anyways. I'm a litte worried about the long-term ramifications, but I remain hopeful that everything will work out.
don't take this unemployment too hard. The gov is taking precautionary measures like we've never seen before and they did it for our entire large country too. Everything should work out long term. Look for some side hustles in the mean time. Or exploit your kids for free labor...just kidding!
Anyways I'm glad you sold your house down south and I'm glad your girls are well. Keep on keeping on and be thankful for the things that are going right!
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
Sorry to hear about the job sitch. My H is in aviation too and there are redundancies and forced leave where he works - not that he would ever give me any specific details. I suspect he has deferred most of his bills, cancelled subscriptions (gym membership etc) and there are savings to be had from not going out - so I guess he is keeping afloat for the moment but the long term ramifications are probably weighing heavy on his mind.
I'm glad your girls are doing well and it sounds like your relationship with your exW has moved into a kind of equilibrium. I am really happy for you. Congrats on the house !!!
Seven months since I last updated. I did start a thread in the Divorced section, but it didn't get a lot of feedback, so I'll probably just stay here awhile.
Not much to update. I was unemployed through July. I've been working 30 hours/week since then and for the foreseeable future. I get by. Just kind of staying even. It's nice to have three day weekends every weekend.
Not much else has changed. Relationship with GF is probably as strong as it's ever been--although she'll see her ex for the first time since we started dating. It kind of stresses her out. She's hoping he doesn't poke his head around. Daughters are doing fine. No change in relationship with XW.
I feel like many of my changes have stuck (not all). It's winter and I feel unmotivated to workout. I'm not sure why. Maybe it's turning 50. I've gained a good chunk of the 30 pounds I lost at BD back. It seems so hard to lose any weight right now and so easy to gain it back. Hoping I get motivated again.
I missed the last couple of replies. Thanks for chiming in. I wonder what happened to FS. It's been awhile since I've seen an update from her.
Have you tried checking your testosterone levels? I checked mine and they were quite low which explains why it was so hard to lose weight. Low levels also makes you feel unmotivated to work out.
Me: 38 Stbxw: 35 No kids Mini bd: February 6, 2019 ONS confirmed Sept 7, 2019 Told her to move out: September 8, 2019 W moved out: September 28, 2019 Divorce filed by me: September 23, 2019
Have you tried checking your testosterone levels? I checked mine and they were quite low which explains why it was so hard to lose weight. Low levels also makes you feel unmotivated to work out.
Interesting thought. Doesn't low testosterone affect your sex drive and "ability"? I may have turned 50, but I'm happy to say that I'm still good there.
I fired up My Fitness Pal after my last post, and I've had a couple of days of dieting and exercise. Hopefully, I can make it part of my routine again.
I was in a reflective mood and thought about what I've learned. I'm a big proponent of DB techniques (detaching, GAL, 180s). I've pushed back on some of the hard rules. For example, I wasn't in a rush to find a GF. However, I felt ready 9 months after my divorce, and I started dating. I broke the "wait for one year" rule. Some of this stuff depends on the individual.
For me detaching is the most important thing to work on initially. GAL helps with detaching. Fixing yourself is important eventually, but too often the LBS works on 180s to impress their spouse. The people who struggle the most are the ones who do not properly detach emotionally.
I know some good people here insist that the WAS will likely regret their decision. That comforted me early in my situation. I've come to realize that it may not be true, and it doesn't do me any good to think about it. Surveys show 50% of people regret their divorce. That means 50% of people do not regret their divorce.
Validation can be difficult--especially for men. If you are just memorizing validation lines to say, it comes off as fake. Validation is an art--one that I have not mastered yet but continue to work on. Validation starts with listening.
I'm two years post-divorce, and I still have moments where I'm melancholy about it all. I'm not sure when or if it ever goes away, but I know that's okay. When that happens, I try not to stay stuck on it. I like to work on little projects to occupy my mind when it comes up.
Interesting thought. Doesn't low testosterone affect your sex drive and "ability"? I may have turned 50, but I'm happy to say that I'm still good there.
It should but I have a high sex drive despite low levels. When I checked I had 12 nmol/l which would qualify me for TRT in USA but not where I am now where you have to be below 10 nmol/l. Which raises the question, if I have this high sex drive now, what would happen on TRT. Anyway, just a thought of course.
The rest of your post I can relate so well. Validation was so new to me and when I first saw an opportunity to do so, it felt so fake, scripted almost because I was saying lines I have read in the validation thread here. But I hope to be better and better at it. Becoming good at validating will make you almost unique compared to most people(unfortunately).
Even among friends and family I notice how often you share something and they subconsciously invalidate, not knowing what that does. You don't feel heard. But I don't blame them because I was like them for so long. So imagine doing that for years or even decades to ones partner. I can easily see how I contributed to the downfall of my relationship by learning how important validation is.
It's almost two years now since BD for me and I wonder as well if that feeling of melancholy will ever go away. Reading posts like yours sure help though, knowing you are not alone.
Last edited by BenB; 12/08/2011:50 AM.
Me: 38 Stbxw: 35 No kids Mini bd: February 6, 2019 ONS confirmed Sept 7, 2019 Told her to move out: September 8, 2019 W moved out: September 28, 2019 Divorce filed by me: September 23, 2019
So Harvey say your ExW calls you today and says she made a big mistake and wants to get back together.
Is your GF history?
I have no interest in getting back together with my XW. While I have no ill will towards her, I'd rather take a chance on my GF over somebody whose loyalty I know I can't trust. With time I realize that my XW probably wasn't a great long-term match for me anyways. When I feel melancholy, it's less about my relationship with XW and more about regretting how this affected my daughters.
So Harvey say your ExW calls you today and says she made a big mistake and wants to get back together.
Is your GF history?
I have no interest in getting back together with my XW. While I have no ill will towards her, I'd rather take a chance on my GF over somebody whose loyalty I know I can't trust. With time I realize that my XW probably wasn't a great long-term match for me anyways. When I feel melancholy, it's less about my relationship with XW and more about regretting how this affected my daughters.
So the answer to LH's question is no?
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
I'm a litte worried about the long-term ramifications, but I remain hopeful that everything will work out.