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A Message from Michele
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Re: Rollin' with the punches [Re: Ginger1] #2843055
03/22/19 05:32 PM
03/22/19 05:32 PM
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TBSakaJ9 Offline
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How long has his D been final?


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
Re: Rollin' with the punches [Re: Ginger1] #2843060
03/22/19 06:04 PM
03/22/19 06:04 PM
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 4,204
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Ginger1 Online OP
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The D has been final for a bit over a year. It was a initiated much before that, but there were lots of issues, biggest being custody. His son is his life as my daughter is mine. But he may have just realized how real it does get when you involve kids. His son kept talking about my daughter after, asking to come over on his dads nights. Maybe he realized that if his son gets attached and this doesnít work out it would detrimental to him?

Iím just speculating now. He did ask that we just go slow which he said Iíve been amazing with so far.

Even if we move much slower with the kids, I really donít want to move backwards . That Iím not ok with.

But he is hanging out with me and my daughter on Sunday. So I donít think he wants to end anything. I think heís just scared.

Re: Rollin' with the punches [Re: Ginger1] #2843061
03/22/19 06:06 PM
03/22/19 06:06 PM
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Posts: 2,708
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Zues126 Offline
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Quote
I think heís just scared.


Or protective and deliberate.


Me:38 XW:38
T:11 years M:8 years
Kids: S14, D11, D7
BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
Re: Rollin' with the punches [Re: Ginger1] #2843062
03/22/19 06:07 PM
03/22/19 06:07 PM
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TBSakaJ9 Offline
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Sounds like it to me...I can related to being scared. I would just give him space and allow him to come to you.


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
Re: Rollin' with the punches [Re: Ginger1] #2843065
03/22/19 06:09 PM
03/22/19 06:09 PM
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Posts: 2,708
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Zues126 Offline
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Can't edit. I guess I'm just trying to say that he might be feeling nothing but positive feelings and just wisely making sure he doesn't rush things, particularly with his kid. He told you as much. None of that necessarily means fear or negative emotions. It could even be the opposite, he feels like running away and getting married so is trying to keep himself from losing control out of love for you.

Keep calm and do what comes next!


Me:38 XW:38
T:11 years M:8 years
Kids: S14, D11, D7
BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
Re: Rollin' with the punches [Re: Ginger1] #2843070
03/22/19 07:27 PM
03/22/19 07:27 PM
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Posts: 4,204
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Ginger1 Online OP
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I think he might be a little bit of everything

Zues, he is definitely protective and deliberate. Which I respect. Maybe he enjoyed it too and feelings were kind of strong and he wants to slow this down and make sure he isnít acting hastily. I really do appreciate and hope your positive version is true.

Part of me is freaking because I also brought my daughter into this. And she really likes him and his son. And I do think he takes into account the fact about how I feel regarding that and wouldnít be spending time with my daughter this weekend.

I need to do something different this time. I need to majorly back off and not show my insecurity and let him come to me. Iím going to give him the space. Maybe I need some mental space too. I care deeply for him. Itís tough.

In the meantime, I took a loan out against my 401k and my surgery set and I opted for the more expensive option but one that will be worth it in the long run.

I think Iím a bit vulnerable right now too. Sensitivities are running high.

I need rest.

Re: Rollin' with the punches [Re: Ginger1] #2843071
03/22/19 07:34 PM
03/22/19 07:34 PM
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TBSakaJ9 Offline
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G - Are you the first person he has been sexual with since his D?


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
Re: Rollin' with the punches [Re: Ginger1] #2843075
03/22/19 07:39 PM
03/22/19 07:39 PM
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Ginger1 Online OP
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I donít think I am. I never asked. But that department is very healthy. Not an ounce of performance anxiety, we are very compatible in that department and itís defibitely very connected. Itís also been over 2 weeks since, lol. Heís also a big post-coital and sleeping cuddler. He will randomly kiss me in the middle of the night, spoon and hold my hand.

Away from the kids he is very physically affectionate and has no problem with PDA He is a hand holder, higher and kisser. Just as I am. He snuck a few touches in when we were away and 2 kisses.

Re: Rollin' with the punches [Re: Ginger1] #2843076
03/22/19 07:39 PM
03/22/19 07:39 PM
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Zues126 Offline
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Zues, he is definitely protective and deliberate. Which I respect. Maybe he enjoyed it too and feelings were kind of strong and he wants to slow this down and make sure he isnít acting hastily. I really do appreciate and hope your positive version is true.

Part of me is freaking because I also brought my daughter into this. And she really likes him and his son. And I do think he takes into account the fact about how I feel regarding that and wouldnít be spending time with my daughter this weekend.


Right on. The more I think of it the more positive I think it is. If he was rushing forward and love bombing you it would almost be scarier, wondering if it was going to real and if he was going to panic and just vanish one day. At least here you know that he is genuine and taking this very seriously.

Hang in!


Me:38 XW:38
T:11 years M:8 years
Kids: S14, D11, D7
BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
Re: Rollin' with the punches [Re: Ginger1] #2843077
03/22/19 07:42 PM
03/22/19 07:42 PM
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TBSakaJ9 Offline
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I just ask because this all just may be very new to him. First serious R post D, first maybe??? sexual partner after D. It can be a lot to process.

The DR is not my first sexual but obviously my first serious and even though she is an amazing person and I am very lucky it scares the $hit out of me.


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
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