Well, I saw this today and had planned to respond that after the last blow up that all had calmed down and we continue to live as roommates with my plan to be out by year's end. I often cook and we continue to watch some TV a couple times a week. Much like life has been for the last year.
That was until this evening.
So the youngest D17 had a birthday today. We went to dinner with the ILs and all was just swell. Once we got home D17 starts to act a little moody. I ask if she is okay and I kind of got the brush off. Later I see W and D17 embraced and wonder what is going on. I had not heard of any plans with D17 and her BF or mention of a birthday gift from him. So I assume it is surrounding this. W comes down and I ask her what's going on. She dramatically says that that little girl is suffering from the toxic atmosphere in the home. And how W is going to do something about it. I asked what I was doing wrong and inquired about the said toxic atmosphere. Well, that didn't go over well as she had no explanation. As is her usual MO she started talking about dynamics from years ago that obviously can't be fixed now. I stopped her, reminded her of how she never wanted the past thrown in her face and I wasn't about to tolerate it either.
I explained that I am doing the best I can, as well as I know. Besides, D17 wants for nothing, has use of a car and except for not sleeping in the same room, her parents get along most all of the time.
I asked again what it is that I need to do differently. No reply. Finally, in the usual fashion, she gets dismissive and with a few huffs and puffs storms out.
So that is how things are now going. Fun times. I realize that I will continue to get blamed whether I deserve it or not. My spirits are good. I can't be responsible for everyone else's feelings. I just focus on being a better me.
Last edited by RR17; 10/07/1901:02 AM.
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
It seems to be some kind of manipulative interaction between W and D. It´s good from you to stay away from that environment. Those talks go beyond validation I think.
Keep the road you´ve chosen.
Stay strong my friend.
((RR))
WW H(me): 53 W: 48 T: 27 M: 22 S: 18 Piecing since 03/2016 Saw the light in the storm
Stay strong RR17. 15, 16, and 17 year old girls don't always know why they are feeling angry, upset, etc. But they will try to blame others for it. I have received a lot of blame for my daughter's feelings from her over the last year and a half. Deep down she knows it isn't me.
A few months ago my daughter brought up a situation where she was being defiant. This incident happened at least 2 years ago, maybe even 3. I got frustrated and threw a water bottle down to the floor. She characterized it that I threw a water bottle AT her. Which was no where near the truth. When I said "I never threw a water bottle at you." She said "Well, it was towards me." I then refuted that, and said "I threw it to the floor. Which I should not have done, and for that I am sorry for losing control of my emotions. But I never threw it at you, towards, or even had that thought." She knows it is true no matter what she wants to project.
So give your D17 time and space. She'll eventually realize that her anger or whatever she is feeling is misplaced.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Stay strong RR17. 15, 16, and 17 year old girls don't always know why they are feeling angry, upset, etc. But they will try to blame others for it. I have received a lot of blame for my daughter's feelings from her over the last year and a half. Deep down she knows it isn't me.
Exactly what I told my W. She obviously didn't validate, but I believe she saw the point. If anything I believe W was feeling guilty and attempted to project the blame.
After my last post I asked D17 if I could speak to her before she went to bed. I asked her if I had done anything wrong. She said no, not really. It was just a lot of things. I showed her some pictures of us from just a few years ago and how she had grown. She smiled and we hugged.
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
For whatever reason I felt a need to update those that have followed my story.
W says she is moving out on 2/22. She has an apartment. Both W and D17 have been nicer the last several weeks. I suspect guilt. Me? I'm good. I've continued to GAL, stayed upbeat and rarely react when W has updated on her exit. Time will tell. I'll try to update more
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
For whatever reason I felt a need to update those that have followed my story.
W says she is moving out on 2/22. She has an apartment. Both W and D17 have been nicer the last several weeks. I suspect guilt. Me? I'm good. I've continued to GAL, stayed upbeat and rarely react when W has updated on her exit. Time will tell. I'll try to update more
RR, I know this is not what you wanted, but maybe it will be a good thing. Do you know for sure she has an apartment? We've seen this show before.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
