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EZdozit Offline OP
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Me - 38 W-37
S6
M 10 years T 13yrs
BD 3/18
W moves out 4/18
W files 7/18

Never waste a good crisis
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EZdozit Offline OP
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So its been over a month since I’ve posted on my sitch. I figure today is a good time to do so as it marks the one year anniversary of my BD.

The roller coaster continues to spin round and round regarding my D process. I just don’t concern myself for the most part and do a good job compartmentalizing it. My house that was under contract fell thru. The house went back on market and had another offer within days, only to have that deal fall thru. It sucked as there were now 2 inspection reports that I had to disclose that i had no control over before going back on market. I was able to get a third offer last week at a lower amount, however i was able to negotiate a non-cancellation clause this round. Scheduled to close 4/26.

The house sale was the only issue W was utilizing from finalizing decree. I have pressed my attorney to get it done ASAP only for him to hear crickets from W counsel.

STBX went on a trip to Mexico the week of Feb.11 as that marked the 1 year anniversary of her mother dying, along with her birthday and valentines. Positive was I got to spend 12 days with S7. Well the day prior to W leaving country, she tells S7 that “she’s decided” that she was going to change up our parenting schedule from a 2-2-3 over to week on/week off. She did this without so much as even bringing it to me or my attorney. When i picked up S from school, he was very frustrated over this and I had to settle him down as he didn’t want to go a week long w/o having to see either his mother or me. Nonetheless I was pissed about W trying to manipulate S in this matter and FB messaged her that it was reckless parenting. I made my attorney, S’s teacher, & social worker aware of what transpired. Sure enough 2 days later attorney received a formal motion proposing just that. He sees the motion as not having a leg to stand on due to the precedent of the established schedule we’ve been adhearing to, along with fact that W tried to manipulate S. Attorney has general feeling that since essentially nothing has gone WW way, this is a last grasp at her trying to control things. Was supposed to have a status hearing with judge on March 4th, but W counsel cancelled. Now a pretrial hearing is tentatively scheduled for June 6th. It is beyond my comprehension that this continues to get dragged out, and could actually go to trial. I’ve learned how to manage the behavior of a narcissistic sociopath, and know that this behavior from W will likely never go away. Oh well..NEXT.

As for my personal life, I absolutely love the life that I have cultivated over the last year. I’m now down 85lbs, have an established fitness schedule, have a new job, have a new network of friends, and receive more attention from the ladies then I ever have. I have been able to become the best version of myself, the best father I can be, and have been able to repair and improve my relationship with my parents. Although I’m still legally married, I’m not letting that prevent me from living my life the way i want to any longer.

Now I have to identify a new place for me and my son over next few weeks. Will look at getting a place closer into the city along with close to S school.


Me - 38 W-37
S6
M 10 years T 13yrs
BD 3/18
W moves out 4/18
W files 7/18

Never waste a good crisis
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EZ, sorry to hear the headaches continue with W but it sounds like you are handling it well and that life is good other than her mess, so well done! Congrats on the weight loss, that's amazing!


Me: 60 w/ S18, D24, D27

M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:57
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EZdozit Offline OP
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Love is the excruciating truth that you can experience a slow, encumbered death; yet kept alive to feel every twist from elated joy before the fall to heartbreak. We put so much hope into such basic primal instincts of attraction and stamp a label on it called love. Love is the irony where our most euphoric joy and devastating torments derive from, and its surprising how easily the tides can shift between the two. Eventually we get to a point of exhaustion on this emotional rollercoaster, and find ourselves on a path of self discovery reexamining the mistakes that lead up to this point. We call this a Vision Quest, and everyone at some point in life will walk their own unique path revisiting past loves and relationships. Almost every true heartbreak spirals you down a path of agony till you regain balance in your own personal life and regain the neutral perspective of love and relationships. You need to be in this neutral perspective before moving on, or you will destroy everything and everyone in your path while living in denial of an existing heartbreak you have not recovered from. Denial leaves your character bankrupt and the lack of a moral compass to make the right decisions; which in turn makes those who might cross your path victims of your pain that has not healed with time. 7 billion people one the planet, and we all experience love and heartbreak in the most common of ways. Love! Isn't it great!?!?


Me - 38 W-37
S6
M 10 years T 13yrs
BD 3/18
W moves out 4/18
W files 7/18

Never waste a good crisis
Joined: Jul 2018
Posts: 179
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EZdozit Offline OP
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Been a while since I made a post but feel after yesterday it would be appropriate to make an update. I can now officially say I’m legally divorced. Over the last few months, I found and moved into a nice house that’s in an ideal part of the city where I’m 10 minutes from downtown and only 5 miles from sons school. I let S7 pick the place out and we have created our own little man boy haven out of the place. The job that I had accepted proved to be somewhat of a stopgap as it wasn’t as advertised, however it provide me a presentable means while I continued to look at other opportunities, and I have since accepted a new role that will be back in my professional field and will earn a wage representative to where I was prior and won’t require any travel outside my metro area so I can be available for my sons activities.

S7 has still had issues in adapting to his new norm, whereas back in May I discovered what amounts to a suicide note where he wrote he wanted someone to feed him peanut butter so he could die. I took critical action and got him into a new psychiatrist/psychotherapist. I made a plea to Ex to engage and set her differences aside for the betterment of son yet she didn’t even engage or acknowledge the crisis. Nonetheless, S7 has responded very well and seems to be on an upward trajectory in just having joy in being a kid again.

Had a settlement conference in July in an effort to get everything resolved in July but that fell fruitless after 3 1/2 hours. We had to go to trial yesterday as a result of not being able to get all issues resolved. Judge ruled most issues in my favor and shut Ex’s theatrics down pretty quick. During trial ex tried to portray herself as a victim and blame me for all that is still wrong with her life...it was evident to everyone in the room that she was ill equipped to explain her charges when I had facts to back up and disprove everything she claimed. What was telling is ex tried to go after me for attorney fees...where her legal fees were double of what mine were. That was quickly tossed out. The travesty is that her decision to be as divisive throughout this entire process is we collaboratively lit in excess of $150k I showed really no emotion or felt any different after trial concluded. All I could really see is that I feel sorry for the monster that has consumed my ex. She clearly still has the emotional maturity of a toddler and isn’t capable of moving on. I know it’s often said after BD we are dealing with WAW or MLC. I’ve come to terms that Ex is who she is now and likely will never come out of her way of thinking. She truly did morph into a monster right after her mom died and she’s put all of her anger, guilt, and frustrations into me rather then properly grieve the loss. Now that this is finally finished, I can pray for her from a distance that she will at least be able to become a suitable mother to my son...but that will be all I will ever do going forward.

This entire process lasted 23 months. I’ve evolved tremendously having gone through everything and experience what many of us have had to endure. I feel I did my proper grieving of the loss of relationship 7-8 months ago. My day went on as normal after trial and I was centered, happy, and finally free. That freedom is what I wanted more than anything the last 6 months. Now I finally put a bow on this chapter in my life and I’m excited for what’s in store next!

Last edited by EZdozit; 08/07/19 12:46 PM.

Me - 38 W-37
S6
M 10 years T 13yrs
BD 3/18
W moves out 4/18
W files 7/18

Never waste a good crisis
Joined: Oct 2018
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What a great update EZ!!! So glad to hear how well you are doing and that you are finding your happy beginning after the mess is over. It is crazy how people get so caught up in the battle of divorce and then drag their spouses along with them who have no choice but to defend themselves. I am grateful for my XH in that respect who did his best to minimize that. Even though it was probably for mostly selfish reasons, at the end of the day my lawyer bill was $1,200 so I consider myself extremely lucky in that regard. My legal fees for buying him out of our house were more. Anyway...your update is a great reminder to the LBSs on here who are just starting out on their journey that things DO get better with time, patience and effort. The bottom line is that all of us want to have a significant other in our lives but we don’t NEED it. We are enough just on our own. Much luck with this next phase of your life!!! (((HUGS)))

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Congrats on doing so well in court EZ! I'm sure it's a big relief to put all this behind you. Hopefully your XW will recover some day and return to the person she was previously. But who knows. In the meantime it sounds like you're doing great, so that's awesome to hear!


Me: 60 w/ S18, D24, D27

M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:57
Joined: Jul 2018
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Been a while since I’ve been actively engaged on this site, and a quite a bit has occurred in the 5 months since I last made a post, but wanted to document to help me me self reflect and check my work since all that has gone down.

My new job is going well and have established a new routine and schedule that ensures I keep up with my career, fitness, and personal growth objectives. My son has seemed to calm down and settle i to his new dynamic living in 2 households. I keep myself present with him while I have him and occupy my alone time cultivating a new budding relationship and doing my own activities. Overall a pretty happy place in life.

I met a lady back in June and that has grown into a new relationship. She has never been married and has no kids and is 100% committed to me and my S8. I have been very slow at integrating her into my S8 life but he likes her very much and we have a great time together. I was able to insulate this relationship from ex as our dynamic had been very icy and communication was essentially nonexistent. This was the case until recently around the holidays in which the ex finally came into contact with new gal when she attended my S8 soccer games (Ex had originally communicated she wouldn’t be in attendance). My new gf and ex exchanged pleasantries but kept it minimal at the time. That has been the only FTF interaction the two have had since. Prior to that exchange ex and I would go out of our way to have any communication other then email concerning S8. Since that time ex has seemed to pull a complete 180 in her demeanor towards me in which a lot of temp checks and attempts to interact with me have occurred to which I see as her attempt to gain a semblance of control back into my life. Ex has gone from email only, to regular and consistent text exchanges, to now calling me over items not related to S8. I’ve welcomed the newfound civility as it ultimately has been beneficial to my s8 anxiety and not feel the unneeded tension while Ex and I communicate. I’ll suffice to say it has caused a good bit of jealousy/stress with new GF.

With the holiday break, S8 activity schedule, and having to complete a court ordered co-parenting course over next 3 months with ex, the frequency in which we have to engage with each often. We normally utilize school drop off and pick up for kid exchanges.

GF has had a few random things occur in which we both find a bit peculiar. Ex’s god mother attempted to friend GF on social media; Ex has started to hang out with a mutual acquaintance that both her and ex shared on social media. Other stuff that Ex openly shares with me during S8 activities are how she all of a sudden has taken on similar interests that GF engages in (very unique fitness and yoga classes; passion for travel, etc). I find the behavior from ex as trying to get headspace into both me and GF...and it has in large part been effective on GF. I have upped my boundaries with ex but also don’t want to disrupt this new civility that has occurred. But I also know I have to remain highly guarded with the exact intent of the sudden change in tone ex has taken on.


Me - 38 W-37
S6
M 10 years T 13yrs
BD 3/18
W moves out 4/18
W files 7/18

Never waste a good crisis
Joined: Nov 2019
Posts: 586
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Posts: 586
Hey there. Just want to comment on your signature- that’s a good quote! “Never waste a good crisis”

Will put it in my little notebook. smile


BD: Sep 2019
D in progress

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