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RyanHun #2865629 09/17/19 08:24 PM
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Originally Posted by RyanHun
With all that my plan of attack is to get myself re focused, request a meeting with her through my laywer and hopefully get the official separation agreement done and then I can get out into a new home.


That's a good plan, but I'm not sure I would even bother with requesting a meeting. She's clearly avoiding you. I'd draft up the agreement and have her legally served so that she has no choice but to respond.


Me: 60 w/ S18, D24, D27

M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:57
RyanHun #2865630 09/17/19 08:29 PM
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AS,
You are 100% correct. I have been way to accommodating towards her, there is no negotiating with her so why am I bothering.


M:33 W:32
T: 10 M:8
D9
S7
D4
RyanHun #2867207 10/03/19 06:44 PM
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Really at a point now where I just want things settled once and for all. For the longest time I wanted an official separation agreement and would see where the chips fell regarding actually filing for D. The string of disrespectful and bizarre events from W continues to grow and I am now just at a point where outright D needs to happen. We have been separated for the 1 year required by provincial law and could officially get it done now. I feel kind of strange in a way, in a way I would like to thank her. My outlook on life, what I have learned about relationships, what I have learned to expect from future partners when that time comes, and just generally where I am at with myself are all thanks to this process. In a very odd way I want to thank her for all the BS. While it has still been very hard along the way and a tough thing to accept her actions have made letting her go much easier. Unfortunately the major hurdle in front of me now is not her but our insane legal system where I live. Basically I have no recourse to her constant delays. My lawter has drafted a settlement and presented it but she continues to ignore the matter. She ignores me, she ignores my attorney and she ignores her attorney. That leaves me with one, take her to court. The process is starting but it will empty about $50k out of my bank account and it looks like the earliest court date would be November of next year. The silliness of all of this just blows my mind, I don't have anything to fight about, we stick to the guidelines of the family law act in regards to the kids, we split the fiances, the furniture and household items I don't really care about and would not argue over. We could settle things so easy if she wanted to. Anyways, that's my rant for today, hope everyone has a great day.


M:33 W:32
T: 10 M:8
D9
S7
D4
RyanHun #2867218 10/03/19 07:52 PM
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Glad to hear you are doing well, and sorry to hear your W isn't cooperating. Holy cow, that is a crazy amount of time to wait!!! And wow that is crazy expensive! Good luck, hopefully it'll go as smoothly as it can!


Me: 60 w/ S18, D24, D27

M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:57
RyanHun #2867221 10/03/19 08:04 PM
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Thanks AS.
Still hoping she will come to her senses a bit and we can just settle it but it doesn't look promising.


M:33 W:32
T: 10 M:8
D9
S7
D4
RyanHun #2868448 10/16/19 04:14 PM
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Holly cow we have progress. I'm almost ready to crack out the champagne. The threat of court proceedings and the prospect of splitting at minimum a $50k court bill finally got some action. We sat down and sorted out 95% of the agreement, mainly all the stuff about the kids and how we would split holidays etc. The finances will be sorted this week and I am finally in a position to find a place of my own to rent. With any luck I can be out by the end of the month and start getting settled somewhere. The only real issue we have left to sort but it is a sticky one is the actual weekly schedule and that is where I'm looking for some help from all the wise people on here. A while back a what was supposed to be short term solution was put into place and here we are over a year later still on it. The stbxw works Saturday mornings so that has been a tough one to navigate. Currently W looks after the kids Sunday, Monday, Tuesday. I look after them Thursday, Friday, Saturday and we alternate Wednesdays. Swaps occur after school during the week and Sunday morning. Not terrible but there are two major draw backs. First I don't get any evenings to go out and socialize with friends where I don't have to get up for work in the morning or have any weekend days to perhaps sleep in or take care of things that I cant during the week due to work. Second, this schedule completely screws up teh weekend for the kids and neither they nor myself or W really get a quality weekend with them. I spend Saturday running them all around to dance then hand them over to their mom Sunday morning. She gets to enjoy Sunday evening with them but that isn't much.

There has been a bunch of back and forth about this with several schedule proposals made and reviewed but we couldn't come to a solution based on her Saturday work hours. This week my IC suggested the following:

W: Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday
Me: Thursday, Friday, Saturday

We alternate Sundays and on my Sunday drop off would be Sunday Evening (I'm open to various timing) and on the weekends where she has Sunday we switch off Saturday when she gets off work (about 3 pm).

Under this schedule we would both be responsible for the kids on two days a week that we each have to work as she has Monday off, she would not have to worry about child minding at 5am Saturdays, the kids get to spend more time with each parent every second weekend, both parents get some weekend time alone to participate in social activities or just rest. To me it seems like a win for all parties but it is still a flat no from W. So I would like to hear some of your thoughts.


M:33 W:32
T: 10 M:8
D9
S7
D4
RyanHun #2868493 10/16/19 07:21 PM
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Ryan I feel you on the schedule thing, I am working on that in my sitch as well.

Your IC's proposal sounds pretty fair. What does your W want? The status quo where you have the kids on both weekend nights? Sorry, not very fair.

I see 2 decent options here - what your IC proposes is one. The other would be a schedule where W takes the kids every Saturday night so you get a weekend night off, and you would also have every Sunday off. This way you each get a weekend night and weekend day with and without the kids. If I had to choose I would say the best night to have off for social activities is Saturday night, and the best "day of rest" is Sunday, but that's me. This schedule would have you alternating Tuesdays I think, if you want to keep things 50/50 over time.

Are your kids in dance and other activities every single Saturday all year round? If so and that is your only weekend day you might not get the quality time you want. My kids have sports on Saturdays but only for some of the year, so I would get plenty of open Saturdays. If you won't get a bunch of free Saturdays, then the every-other-weekend schedule might be better for you as you would get every other Sunday as a free day with the kids to do whatever.

Lots to think about. Do you have a L to run this by? If not does the family court have someone you can talk to about schedules? I know in my jurisdiction it is pretty common for a judge to go with 50/50 and every other weekend if the parents can't agree. It would be helpful to know what to expect if you can't get W to agree.

Good luck buddy.


H: 55 W:43
M: 8 T:12
S(11) D(8)
BD: 10/18 (ILYBINILWY)
IHS: 1/19
Physical Separation: 8/19
D FINAL: 6/21
W filed D: 4/19
Physical Separation 8/19
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