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Guys and gals, obviously the usual romantic gifts are a big no-no. Flowers and candy are not going to work for most sitches. Neither is sexy lingerie. If your WAS is in an active A why would you give them that gift to use with an OP? Asking her out on a date? How does that square with time and space?

Here are some ideas:

My favorite: Family night out. You schedule taking the kids out and invite your S along, They'll either come or not, but you and the kids go out and enjoy regardless!

Another good one is to offer to watch the kids so she can go out with her friends. Be careful with this one, most of us don't want to babysit for our S to go with OP. So one isn't for a lot of sitches.

Get your S a gift from the kids.

Get her a gift card for herself to use. Starbucks, etc.

A nicely framed picture of the kids. (JUST the kids.)

Spa day gift cert (this is what I did last year in the heat of my sitch).


M(53), W(54),D(19)
M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
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Steve I think someone hacked your account and posted a bunch of BS about buying your cheating spouse a valentine gift. WTF??????

You better change your password so that doesn't happen again.

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Originally Posted by LH19
Steve I think someone hacked your account and posted a bunch of BS about buying your cheating spouse a valentine gift. WTF??????

You better change your password so that doesn't happen again.


LOL.....

This question usually comes up. So I assume you don't agree.


M(53), W(54),D(19)
M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
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I would agree with LH19, don't get a gift for a wife you know is having an affair. Help the kids make a card or something if they need it, but don't buy her anything. I framed pictures for my W (of her and the boys) and got her a coffee shop gift card for Christmas (both from "Santa"), but that's before I knew she was sleeping with OM. I would not have done those things with the knowledge I have now. I will not be doing anything for her or getting her anything for valentine's day or any other special occasion moving forward.

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I’m not perfect and clearly don’t have all of this DB stuff locked down. A simple peak at my thread shows that. Truth is I’m a hot mess. Lol!

But...

I’m not buying my H anything for V-day. I’m not spending V-day with him. I’m treating myself to a mani/pedi, dinner, and a movie. I’m buying myself flowers and chocolates. But I regularly buy myself flowers becusse I love them so much.

I also always buy my kids a little something and even send my nieces something. I’ll still do that this year.

My H invited me to dinner on V-day, our normal tradition and I thanked him but declined.

Again, I’m a hot mess and far from a pro but no V-day gift from me. He doesn’t deserve it.


Original BD: 10/26/2017
PA: 10/2017 - 11/2017
Second BD: 09/15/2018
Currently: IHS
M: 42 H: 45
S: 22 lives on his own D: 18 away at college S: 15 still lives at home - the only child we share together
Joined: Jan 2019
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My W is not involved in a A, I had ordered her a custom made book with reasons why I love her. I had ordered it when I felt things were improving, but sadly they have not. The book will remain in my dresser drawer in the event she decides she wants to R then I will give it to her. I feel that given the circumstances it's inappropriate to give a gift, surely she's not thinking of me as her valentine.


M(32) W(30)
Together 12yrs
Married 2yrs
ILYBNILWY 11/23/18
EA Discovered 3/20/19

In House separation 11/26/18 - 11/29/18 & 1/10/19-3/20/19
W Moved out 3/20/19
M Moved out 5/31/19
W Filed for D 3/3/2020
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Here's my suggestion- go out and buy a really sexy nightie that quite clearly woundn't fit her and isn't something she would wear. Leave it someplace semi-hidden, like just a corner of the box peeking out from under the bed. Then wrap it and put a big bow on it and a note that says "Can't wait to take this off of you!" and put it back under the bed again. Leave it there until Valentine's Day and then secretly throw it away and don't give her anything. No I'm kidding, don't do that. But can you imagine the reaction grin

Seriously though, I agree with Steve that gifts/ candy/ card are out of the question. JB beat me to it but I was going to suggest just helping the kids to make something for the WAS.

Originally Posted by Living

I’m not buying my H anything for V-day. I’m not spending V-day with him. I’m treating myself to a mani/pedi, dinner, and a movie. I’m buying myself flowers and chocolates. But I regularly buy myself flowers becusse I love them so much.

I also always buy my kids a little something and even send my nieces something. I’ll still do that this year.

My H invited me to dinner on V-day, our normal tradition and I thanked him but declined.

Again, I’m a hot mess and far from a pro but no V-day gift from me. He doesn’t deserve it.


Hot mess or not that is all PERFECT. Nicely done!


Me: 60 w/ S18, D24, D27

M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:57
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Originally Posted by Living
I’m not perfect and clearly don’t have all of this DB stuff locked down. A simple peak at my thread shows that. Truth is I’m a hot mess. Lol!

But...

I’m not buying my H anything for V-day. I’m not spending V-day with him. I’m treating myself to a mani/pedi, dinner, and a movie. I’m buying myself flowers and chocolates. But I regularly buy myself flowers becusse I love them so much.

I also always buy my kids a little something and even send my nieces something. I’ll still do that this year.

My H invited me to dinner on V-day, our normal tradition and I thanked him but declined.

Again, I’m a hot mess and far from a pro but no V-day gift from me. He doesn’t deserve it.



Ditto. Replace “H” with “WW” and “He doesn’t deserve it” with “She doesn’t deserve it” for me.

I may buy flowers for myself too. All about making positive change right?


1/6/18-BD OM1
2/18-W meets OM2
4/18-W intros D4 to OM2
5/18-“Romance ends"
7/18-DB start
7/18-IHS Ends
4/19-WW moves out
3/21-D filed

Formerly pain18

Rise.

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Originally Posted by Phoenix9
Originally Posted by Living
I’m not perfect and clearly don’t have all of this DB stuff locked down. A simple peak at my thread shows that. Truth is I’m a hot mess. Lol!

But...

I’m not buying my H anything for V-day. I’m not spending V-day with him. I’m treating myself to a mani/pedi, dinner, and a movie. I’m buying myself flowers and chocolates. But I regularly buy myself flowers becusse I love them so much.

I also always buy my kids a little something and even send my nieces something. I’ll still do that this year.

My H invited me to dinner on V-day, our normal tradition and I thanked him but declined.

Again, I’m a hot mess and far from a pro but no V-day gift from me. He doesn’t deserve it.



Ditto. Replace “H” with “WW” and “He doesn’t deserve it” with “She doesn’t deserve it” for me.

I may buy flowers for myself too. All about making positive change right?


Go for it Phoenix9. Buy yourself some beautiful flowers and if you eat candy some fine chocolate.


Original BD: 10/26/2017
PA: 10/2017 - 11/2017
Second BD: 09/15/2018
Currently: IHS
M: 42 H: 45
S: 22 lives on his own D: 18 away at college S: 15 still lives at home - the only child we share together
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SteveLW Offline OP
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Yes, and sign the card, Love you, Jim (or another random name)

Leave it out so he can find it. LOL


M(53), W(54),D(19)
M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
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