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Note to pin.... you have 2 years left haha!

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Lolol

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Originally Posted by pinn
Note to pin.... you have 2 years left haha!


I’m one year away!

But it’s been h3ll since 30, so I guess I’m used to it

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So, this past Friday evening I'm out performing at one of what sure seems like a couple dozen Oktoberfests - about half the bands I gig with are a solid fit for these types of events so I'm beyond busy the last weeks of September and first weeks of October. Anyhow, it's outside at a really cool town that I've driven through many times but never through the town square area - it was really a cool little town. Has really nothing to do with my story but thought i'd add it. The town is only like a half hour from me and not all too far from where i went to high school.

Anyhow, we take a break and as I'm standing chatting with the drummer, this woman comes out of pretty much nowhere and says "are you Dave" I'm like well close but no, not Dave. Oh, she says, are you a firefighter? So now I'm like hmmmmm, well you are on the right track, I used to be (for nearly 25 years), but still not Dave and tell her my name. She then names the fire department I was with. She goes on to tell me, after confirming I really am who she thought I was, that I used to come to her grade school (which she named) for fire prevention. "I had such a crush on you" she says. Then she goes onto say "and then... i got a bee sting at the {local town fair] and you took care of me - I was in heaven." LOL. Now mind you she had to have been like between 8 and 12 at the time I would guess and I was anywhere between 25 and about 40. I've not done a fire prevention presentation in at least 15 years so this had to be no less than 15 and as much as 25 years ago. She had some single digit age kids with her, not sure if they were hers or not. Sadly, she was gone nearly as fast as she appeared. I wish I could have found out more - like how long ago this was and how in the heck she even recognized me!!!!! I mean for some 10 year old now maybe 30 year old to remember me from that long ago. She really should have had no idea I was a musician as well - I me how could she - she even had the wrong name - but I guess I've not changed much or have aged very well.

Just thought I'd use this little story as an opportunity to post something on my own thread, since I so rarely do. I was so flattered and told her so. it's nice to know at least someone appreciates all of the time and effort and work i put into the local volunteer fire department. Yes, this happened at my volunteer agency - not my paid job for many years. Also so glad she said something. I wished I would have gotten a picture with her. Maybe if we get the gig back again next year I'll get a second chance. At least I got her name - Katy - and yes it's her real name - i mean why not, it's not like I could even locate her again much less any of you! LOL Made my night though. Too bad it was not one of Katy's teachers - I would have followed up on that!!!! Perhaps she would have wanted to go on a cruise with me next January smile


DonH
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That's a fun story Don! I had something similar happen to me years ago, some young lady asked me if I remembered her and embarrassingly I didn't but she said she had had a huge crush on me. She went out of her way to clarify that she didn't anymore, hahaha! I told her that was very disappointing, and we had a good laugh about it grin


Me: 60 w/ S18, D24, D27

M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:57
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Ooooofta, just so many things in life that make my smack my forehead with the palm of my hand. These things don't directly involve me but thought I'd just journal about them and perhaps entertain a few of you or even spur some comments. If you're board (or interested) read on, but if you're looking for anything directly about me, you won't find it in this post.

I've had a female friend for hmmmmm I'd say maybe 8 or 9 years now. She was married to a longer-time friend of mine I've known from the music business. She's now around 43 I think and he's the same age as me at 56. They D'd just under two years ago now after separating for a few months, two years prior to that. I've also helped her through opiate addiction - which she seems to still be doing well in recovery from. They have two kids, now S14 and D9.

Anyhow, shortly after their D she announces she's moving in with a guy she met in 12-step. BAD IDEA! This has NO written all over including from 12-step itself and she was told this by many, including her sponsor who quit as her sponsor over it, but nope she knew best and this guy was great and his kids were great and it's all going to be wonderful. Then somewhat abruptly, as if the rest of this was not abrupt enough, they decided to fly off to Vegas to officially tie the knot. They are totally different people - and again it's an age span of 12 to 14 years with him being the age of her ex. I may have even written about her. At first they were not even going to tell the kids - just go and come back married. Thankfully at least they let the kids know first. That was last year in July.

I've much more distanced myself from her as I just can't deal with her craziness anymore. She's a very nice person and would give you the shirt off your back but just can't get her life together for some reason. So two weeks ago I get some late night texts saying her husband walked out and they are getting D'd. Of course I'm not just going to leave her hanging so I quickly responded. True to form by the time she responded back to me with any substance they had decided to "work it out" and she was returning back home. I said, I thought he walked out.... well not the total truth I guess. Anyhow, long story short, we finally got on the phone yesterday as she tells me "It's really hard trying to blend two families and it doesn't work like the Brady Bunch." Ha, really, no kidding! Her S14 has now moved in with her ex H full-time because he and her new husband don't get along at all. As for my friend and her new H, they have totally different interests, totally different parenting styles, different outlooks, just basically are two very different people living on very different plains as the marriage counselor they went to see put it.

They clearly should have never gotten married which they both now fully admit - only now it's too late. S14 is struggling with all sorts of things and if I had to guess is right on the edge of real trouble as with every passing year he has the capacity to get into real trouble. In the single digits they are still pretty easy to control and it's just temper tantrums and outbursts, etc. but into the teens it can become thefts and vandalism and drinking and drugs and who knows what else.

To her credit, I think, she's trying to make this M work but I think she knows it's not going to - like pretty much anyone who would look into this sitch. She's her own worst enemy, simply cannot stop acting on impulse and get her proverbial stuff together - even in her mid 40s. Perhaps even more frustrating (to me) is she is again telling me the exact same things she told me going into her first D two years ago. "I don't even know who I am, I need to figure out me and be by myself" as she fell right into a new R and just had to get married. So now, it's the same shtick "I need to figure out me and just be by myself" OMG it makes my head spin.

Then there is the College Dean. Anyone remember her from, oh, a little over a year ago? She's best friends with the sister of a very good friend of mine. I know the sister as well (Dean's BFF) but not as much. So anyhow after her D was final, and while I was trying to find someone to do the cruise last Spring, they both brought me up and suggested we should meet to which the Dean wisely said "I just got divorced I really don't think I want to date or should date this soon." I thought that was so insightful and very smart and it gave her extra points in my book. Add to it at least on paper she seemed like a great person - obviously educated, married many years, great career, great kids, some shared interests with me, even bought a house on a lake near me - so lived close by. The fact she is very pretty didnt' hurt either. Clearly what you see on paper, or in pictures...

I happened to be with my friend and her sister a week ago. I had mostly forgotten about the Dean but somehow it all popped back into my head and I asked, hey is your friend still dating that guy? Clearly without any excitement in her voice, she said "She's engaged" to which I burst out laughing. I mean, to me it's funny. Doesn't want to date yet marries the first and only guy she goes on a date with. Her friend somewhat seriously and sternly responded, "It's not funny Don." I don't know the guy, heck I don't know her, but obviously there is something going on there with her. Her friends are worried for her and probably for good reason. What are the chances that after 23 years married she meets the next love of her life in the very first and only try. Yes, it could happen - in theory - but really, what are the odds? We didn't go into any further detail but this BFF is clearly worried for her friend.

These are just two examples from real life, but then read the boards here, talk to friends, watch television, and wow, just wow, this post D world is just crazy. I'm not fully there yet but have to consider, are we just all screwed? I know Ginger's with me LOL. But why don't people learn from their mistakes? The drive for the fairy-tale must just be so strong - almost like a drug, it's intoxicating. I know, not everyone is like that - clearly KML is not and there are others. But it's just amazing people watching. My friend in the first example, yeah, that one is easy - who could not see that coming. It's almost like watching an episode of Before the 90 Days or 90-Day Fiance. But I would have thought more of this other girl - especially after saying it's too soon to date. Or perhaps she was shown a picture or told about me and she just didn't have any attraction so it "being too soon" was just her excuse. I'm like, wow, dodged yet another bullet. But there are so many people out there like this. And then there are others, at least that I know IRL, who won't date at all and have been single and more or less dateless for years and years. I can think of a half dozen right off the top of my head.

I've got to tell you, all of this doesn't make it easier for me to have optimism. On the plus side it allows me to put my life in perspective and it looks pretty good when placed up against those benchmarks. Anyhow. I hope this was not too much mindless dribble and someone get's something out of it. If not, watch one of the 90 Day Fiance shows on Sunday or Monday nights and you'll see what I'm talking about. Then see if you don't find actual people in your life just like them!


DonH
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Yeah, that's crazy [censored]. But you know what, those same crazy people were doing that same crazy stuff when we were younger, it's just that the dating pool is full of more of them and fewer of us monogamous uncrazy types.

That doesn't mean you can't meet people - but it might mean you need to sort through more (and may have to put up with other kinds of crazy. I'll be posting about CMM on my thread soon lol.)

As for the Dean marrying the first guy she dated - yeah, she didn't shop around and doesn't sound like her friends are thrilled about him. Still, on the subject of odds, if the first guy I dated after my divorce had A) not been a Love Avoidant and B) not taken back up with his childhood love, he was still one of the most compatible guys I have dated since my divorce. Got lucky I guess.

You can't go by me though because I absolutely do not understand all these people rushing to get into second or third marriages. Maybe my ex just burned me out but I have NO interest in remarrying.

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Interesting stories Don. There are a lot of stories like that. For the record, I love that dumb show. It oddly fascinates me and I am not even exactly sure why. I guess I wonder.... are these people legitimately doing this or is it just for TV?? If it is real, it blows my mind.

Anyway, I am one of the ones who has been single for a bit... well relatively short for down here I guess. Separated 4 years, divorced for 2... with very little dating mixed in there. BUT I could totally see myself getting serious with the first woman I date from here on out. The reason is that I know exactly what I want and exactly what I don't want (maybe I only think I know hmmm). So if and when I find that, I won't let it go easily. I'm certainly selective. I do wonder if that is good or bad though. I really don't know and I do think about it. I guess I could date more as I have confidence that I would not fall for someone unless it was right. Who knows. The one thing I do know is that life moves quick.

On the falling for someone quick front, I just recently got back from Maui. On the trip, my sister briefly connected with some guy. Now her social media has quotes about 'taking risks' etc. I'm thinking... don't you even think about it!!! arrrgh.

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I don’t know Don. I think the thing that’s hard for logistical minded people or maybe people that were hurt or trying to not be hurt is that there is no linear formula to follow when it comes to relationships and love.

On my parents first date, my dad asked my mom “what do you think our children would look like?” Huge red flag. But they have been happily married - absolutely no drama- for over 40 years.

My ex husband made sure he waited 3 days to call me after our first date. We waited 3 years to move in. Another 4 years to get married. And 1 year to have a kid. Guess what? He was leading a double life and now I’m too old to have more kids. Because I followed this linear formula.

Now, for people that are looking for that person to grow old with ... I think Dating does help people to figure out what they don’t want in someone. What they won’t settle for. And for people that keep following similar patterns in partners it’s important to break that cycle too. But you can’t lump everyone into that category. Some people just find the right person early and know a good thing when they see it - and just as there are unsuccessful stories there are positive stories out there too. Point being - there’s no guarantee of success with any method of dating and relationships.

And then Some people don’t really want to find the right person but the right for now person as they are not looking for commitment. So that comes into play as well.


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I had been sorta proud of myself. Certainly compared to last year, I've not been nearly as amped up over this upcoming cruise. I've not been nearly as excited either. I also sorta gave up trying to find someone several times along the way- coinciding with "deadlines" that I was given which turns out were never actual deadlines anyhow - which I pretty much knew all along. For those who were not here last year (consider yourself lucky) or to refresh... last year they had Wild Girl and myself booked along with the rest of our core group, flights and all, already by the end of August. A bit of drama ensued with Wild Girl in December/early January but in the end it all worked out pretty well and much as I had hoped. I guess I should have considered myself lucky - little did I know.

I finally asked the first person for this year in early September - again after last year was already set. That was a no go. I then passed on #2 and asked #3 who was already on a two week vacation that included a cruise in October and could not get off of work again in January. So onto #4 who is a FWB I've known for awhile but have not seen since early summer. She was excited until she found out her largest account had an event starting during the cruise - so no go. By this time I figured it was too late anyhow and sort of gave up again. BTW, there were probably another 5 women that I considered asking but after not wanting to spend a day with them I could not imagine a week.

Move to early November when i'm given yet another deadline, might have been my 3rd or 4th "deadline" - this time November 18 and could include someone local as the flight that was oversold now had seats available. I had sort of just been trying for people who didn't have to fly with me - as in from other states or areas. As I asked #5 and #6, #4 came back and said she had a co-worker willing to cover for her and her boss was fine with it as long as the client would sign off. A few days later we found out the client would not sign off so no go again - oh and she's back with a former BF so no go on two levels. #5 also could not (or would not) make it work. #6, who I wanted to go nearly as much as #1, took about 3 weeks to finally give me an answer but in the end said thanks but no thanks. So now I was really done - but pretty good with going solo, or so I thought.

I really was or am or sorta am in a good place with it. I got what I wanted last year so maybe I kind of got it out of my system. Although then people start asking me "who's going on the cruise with you" and look at me like I have two heads or some sort of disease when i tell them no one. Like what kind of loser can't even get a date for a cruise? Hold the 2X4s I really don't feel this way so you don't have to tell me why i shouldn't - yet I kinda think some of them do. Some feel sorry for me, especially SIL and some other family members - which I think is even worse.Still, I was doing pretty good - or perhaps just forcing myself not to think about it?

Still I've been pretty fine about it all - heck you guys all know how much I posted and posted and wore friends out last year and this year I've been pretty silent about it all both here and IRL. Well, until now I guess. I go to the mailbox this afternoon and here is my cruise info - well sorta... I have no cabin info. Got my flight (which doesn't get us to Florida until 6 PM the night before rather than 11 AM like the original flight was. Guess we can live with that but it kinda kills the day. Got hotel and transfer info but no cabin info - nothing. I'm like ????? did they forget to put it in the mail? (this old guy mails everything even though he could totally email it and actually prints emails to mail them to me LOL) So I check with the band leader, yep he and his wife have their cabin number and instructions to log in and print their documents. So I text the guy running the show - the old guy who I don't trust that mails things - the guy who is already saving $500 or more on the flight I was given, plus gratuity, taxes, etc. that won't have to be paid on the wasted free cruise that I can't seem to give away. "I'm still working on who to pair you with" comes back the text - and my heart sank. I'm like huh? Pair me with? Yep, He's not happy enough saving $500 if he can save $1,200 more by having some other random single guy among the 500 plus going that he can throw me in with. NO F'ING WAY!!!

Somehow I remained professional and let him know that is not going to happen. He then tried to change it to, "oh no I mean if you still find someone to go with you" as in don't believe what I tried to tell you a minute ago, believe what I'm saying now. I then got, "Well I'm just about to leave the office for the weekend but we'll get it straightened out on Monday."

Ain't happening dude. You are not putting me with some random guy for the week - as if. Talk about totally killing any semblance of looking forward to this trip. Divorce and being single - the gift that just keeps on giving. Talk about taking the fun out of it all. And I don't want to be a Donny Downer but I can just tell how all this is shaping up that this is not going to be even close to as much fun as last year. Not only not taking someone and wasting a free vacation which just chaps my butt to no tomorrow, many of the fun friends from last year are not going either.

So I'm just trying to calm myself and wait to find out what he tries to sell me, er um I mean tell me on Monday. He did say I could add someone to the cabin at the last minute so perhaps he really did mean that - although then why say find someone to pair me with - was he testing that to see if I'd go for it? Will see. I know the band leader will stand behind me - and I'm helping out another band on top of it - yeah doing double duty - so I should have some pull. I can get good with going alone, at least I think I can - I hope I can. But, I can't get good with rooming with some stranger OMG. Although his daughter is in her late 40s, pretty cute and fun - maybe I should tell him i'll room with her and her BFF???? I could take that. smile Oh, there, see, sense of humor still in tact. Hmmmmm maybe I need to consider finding #7 to ask?????? I am so good at being single but it's times like these that I'm really tested. Then I start to think back to how amazingly fun last year was. But I digress.

And Cruisegate #2020 continues.


DonH
Midwest
Me 56
WAW-EXW 55
Met 11/95 / Married 5/00
Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06
4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
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