CALL 303-444-7004 to get started right away!

 

 


A Divorce Busting® Coach can help you save your marriage, even when your spouse wants out.


A Divorce Busting Telephone Coach
can help you save your marriage singlehandedly!
CALL 303-444-7004
or see Coaching Packages online at the Divorce Busting Store

A Message from Michele
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 2 of 11 1 2 3 4 10 11
Re: The Third Wish [Re: kml] #2832057
01/09/19 08:37 PM
01/09/19 08:37 PM
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 2,808
Canada
A
AndrewP Offline OP
Member
AndrewP  Offline OP
Member
A
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 2,808
Canada
Originally Posted by kml
Quote
She really gives me the impression that she is someone who charges in and tries to help everyone regardless of the cost to herself. Commendable, but I'm not sure that would be someone who I'd want to be a partner to.


Says the guy who is storing somebody's furniture and 20 some boxes of junk????
A hit, a very palpable hit.


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Re: The Third Wish [Re: AndrewP] #2832076
01/09/19 09:29 PM
01/09/19 09:29 PM
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 26,705
Southern Maryland
job Online

Member
job  Online

Member
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 26,705
Southern Maryland
Andrew,

You will need to be firm w/the young lady and advise her that if she wants to store her stuff at your house, she needs to come over and go through it since the charitable pick up date is within the next couple of weeks. To help push her along, you may need to offer to assist her in determining what is junk and what can be donated. I know it's not your place to do this...but hoarders need that "shove" to get rid of stuff. If she doesn't do this, she will need to find somewhere else to store her stuff. Don't waffle on this because she'll never do it otherwise.

If things needs to be moved to another room...tell her to get someone to do it. It's not your place to be her personal mover or storage facility.

Re: The Third Wish [Re: AndrewP] #2832083
01/09/19 09:39 PM
01/09/19 09:39 PM
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 2,146
D
Dawn70 Offline
Member
Dawn70  Offline
Member
D
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 2,146
Originally Posted by AndrewP
Wednesday - time for an update to my diary.
Originally Posted by Dawn70
Your post made me think of that Garth Brooks song about unanswered prayers. The line about sometimes God's greatest gift is unanswered prayers....kind of fits what you are saying.
I am rather fond of that song myself. He delivers it well. And more and more I think your Dad and I could have entire conversations composed of exchanging witticisms.


I think you and my dad would get along swimmingly, actually and yes, you could trade witticisms all day long. He's got a million of them. My XH used to be fascinated by my dad's sayings, though he didn't always understand them. Sometimes, he'd whisper something to me about I would need to explain later. LOL

As far as 20S and her stuff in your house, you are too nice. And, then you mention that you aren't sure that you would want a partner who was that way..........interesting. Be firm with 20S and just let her know there is a firm deadline. If she starts wavering tell her you'll go through her stuff for her and see how quickly she finds time to meet the deadline then.

You mentioned not really being the aggressor in a relationship, wanting a woman to sweep you off your feet. I don't know why reading that made me feel it necessary to remind you yet again that you are quite a catch and you could sweep any number of lovely women off their feet, if you would just get out of your own head about it. I get what you are saying. I'm not the aggressive type that you and some of the others on the board talk about being attracted to. I mean, I know what I want and will seek that, but I am not a good pursuer. I think your nature is more pursuing than you think.


Me 49, XH 51
3 adult daughters from his first marriage
3 grandsons, 1 granddaughter
My 1st marriage, his 2nd
BD 9/29/2014
H moved out 10/6/2014
H filed D 11/4/2014
D final 12/17/2014
Re: The Third Wish [Re: AndrewP] #2832092
01/09/19 10:46 PM
01/09/19 10:46 PM
Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 774
E
exquisitetobe Offline
Member
exquisitetobe  Offline
Member
E
Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 774
Nooooooooo!!! Not the pie!! Lol

Andrew, you are aware of my Match.com account.
Here is the action i got on there..
First guy: multiple sites with different stories for each ladies.. player
Second guy: looking for fun.. ( his words ) i asked him to describe fun. He answer a hook up night here and there.. within 2 days and without asking, ( i was quite rude with him ) he gave me his full name, his job title and his phone number in case i changed my mind.. yurk!!
Third guy: seemed very nice. After a few messages, i found out he moved back in the region 2 weeks ago after being gone for 20 years. The reason: lack of work. As soon as this came out, the conversation took a turn. He is looking for a job. I gave him links to 3 mines in the area and one for a mill.. conversation has been scarce this past 2 weeks.

Many men have liked me but only a few have messaged me unless they had different motive eventho their profile say they want a serious life partner.

Off the site, in the last 9 years.. many men have shown their interest. I have reciprocated my interest in a few of them.
But i have been taken out for diner only once. I got flowers 3 times. Time spent together was me going to them. Did i mention " in the past NINE years!!

To answer you: yessss.. many men are like you. They want to be pursued. They want the independant woman to take him out and treat him. They won' t ask for our number, they want us to give it freely.

I do not know if it is this way because of the reputation i have here but this has been my experience and i don' t know how to change it.

Stereotype: Good job, lots of money, stable and secure. Great catch right? How about, kind, responsable, loyal,
Funny etc.. shouldn' t those be more important? In my case, my "money" and independance were more attractive then me. ( money? Reputation )

Re: The Third Wish [Re: Dawn70] #2832096
01/09/19 11:32 PM
01/09/19 11:32 PM
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 2,808
Canada
A
AndrewP Offline OP
Member
AndrewP  Offline OP
Member
A
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 2,808
Canada
Originally Posted by job
You will need to be firm w/the young lady and advise her that if she wants to store her stuff at your house, she needs to come over and go through it since the charitable pick up date is within the next couple of weeks. To help push her along, you may need to offer to assist her in determining what is junk and what can be donated. I know it's not your place to do this...but hoarders need that "shove" to get rid of stuff. If she doesn't do this, she will need to find somewhere else to store her stuff. Don't waffle on this because she'll never do it otherwise.

Originally Posted by Dawn70
Be firm with 20S and just let her know there is a firm deadline. If she starts wavering tell her you'll go through her stuff for her and see how quickly she finds time to meet the deadline then.

I think I startled 20S today because over lunch I moved the stuff that was in the living room and upstairs hallway to the front porch and sent her a SnapChat showing her the result with the caption "your stuff misses you". Her response indicated that she was surprised that I wasn't using her stuff (calm down doodler - haven't gone through "those" boxes").

The bigger thing that I wanted to put out there was that I think I might have had a breakthrough with S24.

We were talking about 20S and her stuff and he very much supports my plan of having her deal with it sooner rather than later. The current plan is to send her regular reminders that her stuff is here. This probably won't work but hey - she won't be able to ignore it. I do think that 20S is a person who just sort of assumes that people deal with stuff that she doesn't want to deal with - and I'm no longer that guy and neither is S24.

S24 also gave me some info on the local murder - cuz everyone knows everyone here. Nasty stuff. Not going to go in to details. I think it's best as far as GSL goes to just be supportive but distant. I did notice she got some bowls in to her shop that might make nice spoon rests. I'll probably check them out this weekend.

But what also happened with S24 was a frank talk about him moving out. He is very well aware that I would like him to be independent, something that he wants as well. We both find that we feel constrained about having romantic entanglements because of the presence of the other. And yes - he's in his mid 20s and reasonably should be on his own. He did set a goal of being moved out before his next birthday. I did say that he was always welcome here and that I did expect him to show up regularly for Sunday Supper (something important to me).

He and I are probably very aware that the basis of the conversation was not "moving out" but "being independent". As a card-carrying lighthouse, I am a place of refuge and have been far too many times been known to take in stray cats. A surprising number of which have been black. One of whom likes sitting on the top step in the dark in the morning despite the fact that she's not written in to my will.

What I do really hope is that I have instilled in S24 the idea of Family. Compassion. Charity. If I were to be cynical, and I am even though I hate to admit it, at some point in the future I will need a compassionate person to look after my best interests. And it will most likely be S24. One of the perhaps odd things about my concept of Family isn't the big noisy get togethers or the drama of every day life. It's the fact that when there is a need that Family steps up and does what needs to be done. By ancestry I'm Scottish. And to me that means that you have your Place. And you have your Duty.

I know that I'm burning through this thread but really - to me - this is very very big. I am so pleased to have had this conversation today. Will it create action? I don't know. But seeds have been planted a while ago and the fertilizer appears to be working.
Originally Posted by Dawn70
You mentioned not really being the aggressor in a relationship, wanting a woman to sweep you off your feet. I don't know why reading that made me feel it necessary to remind you yet again that you are quite a catch and you could sweep any number of lovely women off their feet, if you would just get out of your own head about it. I get what you are saying. I'm not the aggressive type that you and some of the others on the board talk about being attracted to. I mean, I know what I want and will seek that, but I am not a good pursuer. I think your nature is more pursuing than you think.
Originally Posted by exquisitetobe
Nooooooooo!!! Not the pie!! Lol
<snip>
To answer you: yessss.. many men are like you. They want to be pursued. They want the independant woman to take him out and treat him. They won' t ask for our number, they want us to give it freely.

I do not know if it is this way because of the reputation i have here but this has been my experience and i don' t know how to change it.

Stereotype: Good job, lots of money, stable and secure. Great catch right? How about, kind, responsable, loyal,
Funny etc.. shouldn' t those be more important? In my case, my "money" and independance were more attractive then me. ( money? Reputation )

I do agree with you Dawn. When it appeared that CL was interested, I took a page from Ginger1's book and sent regular messages at least once a day until the lack of reciprocity had me back away from that.

exquisitetobe - Don't underestimate the power of a nice pie. Your savory pies have almost prompted me to do the 10 hour drive. I'm not sure about my rhubarb/black currant in the other direction wink

I think that what I'm saying is that if a lady is playing "hard to get" - that contrary to popular wisdom - I'll probably throw in the towel and move on. If for example FSL were to say to me, "hey - let's have a visit over coffee" - that would be all that it would take. And yes - Ginger1 - I know that you probably have already identified and checked her out. Being "passive" doesn't mean that I'm not willing to do the work. It's just that initial spark at the right time and place that needs to exist.

From my limited exposure to the dating scene at my age, yes the pond is rather shallow and broad. And there's a lot of trash in the sea along with the fishes.

As one of my bad analogies, I work with sales people regularly and do presentations on how they should be working on expanding their opportunity pipelines. In those presentations, I often use the metaphor ('cus I'm me) of Hunter vs Farmer. A "Hunter" will go out and search through their assigned geography and product suite and look for new targets. They'll do their research, hand out hockey tickets (we have Platinum Leaf tickets and some nice Blue Jays and Raptors tickets), check to see who is servicing that customer, do the analysis to see how we can be competitive and grow their book of business. The Farmers (where most fall in) have an existing book of business and work on maintaining the existing order flow. It's easier as you only have to fend off competitors which as most of the salesmen in my industry (industrial chemicals) are of the farmer type.

It is far easier to be a farmer than a hunter. And my inclination is towards the rural lifestyle.

But I need to be given that initial spark. And yes - there are some ladies who have done that but who I have decided for multiple reasons to not pursue. But that is my right. Stalker Lady 1 - I was told by S24 to not date under any circumstances. The book shop lady there was no chemistry. Stalker Lady 2 - has a number of health issues and a lifestyle that is mostly about her. And one other one who I've only mentioned once or twice who is essentially my ex-wife with different hair.

I'm having trouble enunciating what I mean. And I think that where I am is far more common with women than with men. Where we are more or less perfectly OK being single. Where we'd like someone, but not just anyone. And where before we open the doors of the lighthouse, it has to be knocked on first.


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Re: The Third Wish [Re: AndrewP] #2832150
01/10/19 12:44 PM
01/10/19 12:44 PM
Joined: Mar 2016
Posts: 3,736
D
doodler Offline
Member
doodler  Offline
Member
D
Joined: Mar 2016
Posts: 3,736
Originally Posted by AndrewP
I think I startled 20S today because over lunch I moved the stuff that was in the living room and upstairs hallway to the front porch and sent her a SnapChat showing her the result with the caption "your stuff misses you". Her response indicated that she was surprised that I wasn't using her stuff (calm down doodler - haven't gone through "those" boxes").


Andrew,

In your post, I hear a cry for the voice of reason so here I am.

First, you contacted 20S via SnapChat; why did you not send her a picture of yourself wearing her clothes? That's the sort of thing you're supposed to do on SnapChat.

Second, while others browbeat you for allowing a young woman to stash her useless belongings at your house, I think it's the best thing that could've ever happened to you. You're sitting on a gold mine; it's the mother lode. Very likely there's a veritable treasure trove of women's clothing in those boxes. That's called O-P-P-O-R-T-U-N-I-T-Y.

That's right, it's an opportunity. You're living in a small village in the dark cold wilderness of Canada, and you have boxes of women's clothing at arms reach. This is your opportunity to contact that handful of bachelors that you know of and invite them to your house for a meet and greet. Invite them over for some brots and ale and subtly mention that a young woman has parked some boxes of her clothing at your house. (BTW, make sure it's brots and ale, not pork and kraut because some people might get the wrong idea.) You can also mention that the get-together might have a lumberjack theme.

Anyway, I'm sure you can see the possibilities. You guys could have your own weekly men's night and drag show. One week it's a lumberjack theme, the next week it's sailor in the Royal Canadian Navy themed. It would be spectacular and your social network would grow immensely (within the constraints of a tiny isolated village).

Fun fact: Did you know that the entire fleet of the Royal Canadian Navy consists of three glass bottom boats and one trawler?

Re: The Third Wish [Re: AndrewP] #2832299
01/10/19 11:43 PM
01/10/19 11:43 PM
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 8,855
UK
V
Vanilla Offline
Member
Vanilla  Offline
Member
V
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 8,855
UK
If I were closer I would wing woman with you. On a my friend likes your friend sort of basis. My friend makes great pie does your friend eat it.

I don't eat pie, I don't know why but I don't really eat pie. I like looking at pie, I like the smell of pie and the thought of pie but I don't eat it. I would travel to see a good pie.

I admire pie and baking of all kinds and those who make pie are awesome.

But I am a crumble sorta girl with custard.

V


Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


Re: The Third Wish [Re: AndrewP] #2832324
01/11/19 06:46 AM
01/11/19 06:46 AM
Joined: Oct 2018
Posts: 1,244
D
DejaVu6 Offline
Member
DejaVu6  Offline
Member
D
Joined: Oct 2018
Posts: 1,244
Doodler...your post made me laugh!!! Thanks for that. laugh


Me 51
H 46
B/G Twins 11
SD19
Legal SA - January 2019
Divorce filed - June 2019
Divorce final - November 2019

Together 14 years
Married 12 years
BD1 - May 2014
BD2 - September 14, 2018

Re: The Third Wish [Re: AndrewP] #2832332
01/11/19 10:49 AM
01/11/19 10:49 AM
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 2,808
Canada
A
AndrewP Offline OP
Member
AndrewP  Offline OP
Member
A
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 2,808
Canada
So this is actually funny - and not just doodler funny.

My local community paper was in my mailbox last night when I got home as usual. Right next to the job posting for a production worker for the factory in my village (S24 has been advised) was a single "Personal Notice"
Originally Posted by Local Paper
Lonely white male, 54, seeking lonely white female, 25-55. Must be honest, sincere, like classic country music & spend quiet evenings & the occasional romantic dinner. Must also be non-smoker. Please send reply along with photo to Box 386, Local Town, ON

I've already sent out disclaimers to a number of people. I am indeed a 54 year old lonely white male (there must be a kit). I'm indifferent to skin colour, 25 is way too young for me and I'm certainly OK with beyond 55. Occasional smoking isn't an issue for me and while I am a big fan of classic country, there are other genres that I enjoy.

That ad is not mine. I do wonder what my ex-wife will think. She gets the same community paper as do of course a lot of mutual acquaintances. Being as this is the only personal ad and they are highly unusual, I'm sure there will be much gossip. As she has no idea of my romantic preferences conclusions are obvious. I do wonder if S24 will be consulted - Why did your Dad post an ad in the paper

Since SIL1 and I have been curious if the New Year brought any changes for my ex I've driven by her apartment a couple of times and yep - every indication is that she's still living there - presumably alone with her incontinent pomeranian.

Sadly that gave me a bad set of nightmares last night interrupted by my cat Liz who pounded on my door demanding cuddles around midnight as she often does.

Blood pressure has been up and down. This morning 131/77. The pulse seems to be settling out at a more reasonable 71. Need to stay the course. In the summer I was at 122/67 - 72

The switch from briefs to boxers has gone smoother than expected (exciting life isn't it). Some chafing issues that I was having seem to being helped a lot by that and I'm sure losing the weight will too. Being good is hard.

Proper update on the weekend perhaps but that ad was too funny to not share right away.

Oh - and doodler - a brief inventory has identified 5 large bags of what I can only assume to be clothes plus a wicker chest full. I'll get the batch of cookies ready as you start driving up. Windchills are forecast to be in the -20s so wear substantial underthings.


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Re: The Third Wish [Re: AndrewP] #2832337
01/11/19 12:17 PM
01/11/19 12:17 PM
Joined: Mar 2016
Posts: 3,736
D
doodler Offline
Member
doodler  Offline
Member
D
Joined: Mar 2016
Posts: 3,736
Originally Posted by AndrewP
So this is actually funny - and not just doodler funny.


Andrew,

You made me urinate in my pants.



Last edited by job; 01/11/19 07:05 PM. Reason: used proper terminology
Page 2 of 11 1 2 3 4 10 11

Moderated by  Cadet, job, Virginia 

Save Your Marriage! Schedule Online

Schedule a phone consultation with a Divorce Busting® Coach! Call: 800-664-2435 or 303-444-7004