Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 10 of 11 1 2 8 9 10 11
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 9,478
Likes: 65
S
SteveLW Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
S
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 9,478
Likes: 65
Wow. That is a great response. And very insightful and profound. It gives me some great things to look at and to work on. You're right about all of this. No question about it.

I am a naturally untrusting guy. And if you burn me once it's even harder. Twice I usually write the person off. Forever. The fact I didn't do that proves to me that I deeply love her. She has even commented on that. But you're right, for dinner reason I hope back. Pride? Stubbornness? Selfishness? Some or all of those?

Thank you, as always for your insight. And your candidness.


M(52), W(53),D(17)
M-20, T-23 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 8,398
Likes: 25
R
Member
Offline
Member
R
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 8,398
Likes: 25
Originally Posted by Mach1
Posting here is great when you are going through the battle.
.
.
.
What it also does, is it keeps you stuck in all of that ^^^^

I agree.

There are new skills you need to learn now. Hard to learn multiplication and division while showing everyone how to add and subtract.

I know your sitch turned around quickly. I believe that is a double edge sword. I have very loosely been following your thread.

Can you summarize status of your R for me?


"What is best for my kids is best for me"
Amor Fati
Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 4,485
Likes: 72
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 4,485
Likes: 72
Originally Posted by Steve85
I am a naturally untrusting guy. And if you burn me once it's even harder. Twice I usually write the person off. Forever. The fact I didn't do that proves to me that I deeply love her. She has even commented on that. But you're right, for dinner reason I hope back. Pride? Stubbornness? Selfishness? Some or all of those?


I think its a combination of all of those things...

Pride has certainly doomed a relationship or 5 million before. It certainly could be a part of this one...

Stubborness ?

Yea, I mean it could be confused for being steadfast, or ironclad in your morals and convictions...

Selfishness ??

You certainly seem to be a generous and giving person here...

However...

You aren't the person that you are here, at home..

The anonymity is gone at home, and you are left with a stripped down Steve

My guess is, and the reason I asked the questions...

WHY are you prideful ??

WHY are you stubborn ??

WHY are you selfish ???

My best guess would be fear...

Fear of being divorced

Fear of being embarrassed

Fear of failing

And to maybe an even greater degree ??

Fear of succeeding....

What are you so afraid of ???

Think about these buddy, along with with re-reading my questions from the last thread...

Because until you can answer those and be totally honest with yourself...

How much do you really know about you, so that you can give yourself to her ???

Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 4,485
Likes: 72
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 4,485
Likes: 72
Originally Posted by Ready2Change
Originally Posted by Mach1
Posting here is great when you are going through the battle.
.
.
.
What it also does, is it keeps you stuck in all of that ^^^^

I agree.

There are new skills you need to learn now. Hard to learn multiplication and division while showing everyone how to add and subtract.

I know your sitch turned around quickly. I believe that is a double edge sword. I have very loosely been following your thread.

Can you summarize status of your R for me?


Hey R2....

Been meaning to say this for a while now...

It's really good to see you kickin up dust here again...

Always enjoyed your posts....

Joined: Nov 2016
Posts: 2,605
G
Member
Offline
Member
G
Joined: Nov 2016
Posts: 2,605
Listen to Mach1


Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids
2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong
2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2
2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 8,398
Likes: 25
R
Member
Offline
Member
R
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 8,398
Likes: 25
Originally Posted by Mach1
Hey R2....

Been meaning to say this for a while now...

It's really good to see you kickin up dust here again...

Always enjoyed your posts....

I can't save every marriage, but if anything I do helps save at least one, I believe the effort is worth it.


"What is best for my kids is best for me"
Amor Fati
Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Joined: Jul 2018
Posts: 877
P
Member
Offline
Member
P
Joined: Jul 2018
Posts: 877
Originally Posted by Ready2Change

I can't save every marriage, but if anything I do helps save at least one, I believe the effort is worth it.


You haven't helped save my marriage, R2C. That's TBD.

More importantly, you are a part of the many here on this board who have helped me save my LIFE.


1/6/18-BD OM1
2/18-W meets OM2
4/18-W intros D4 to OM2
5/18-“Romance ends"
7/18-DB start
7/18-IHS Ends
4/19-WW moves out
3/21-D filed

Formerly pain18

Rise.

Joined: Aug 2018
Posts: 921
F
Member
Offline
Member
F
Joined: Aug 2018
Posts: 921
Originally Posted by Mach1


My guess is, and the reason I asked the questions...

WHY are you prideful ??

WHY are you stubborn ??

WHY are you selfish ???

My best guess would be fear...

Fear of being divorced

Fear of being embarrassed

Fear of failing

And to maybe an even greater degree ??

Fear of succeeding....


Wow .... this ^^^^ really hit me hard. One of the questions that replay a lot is what is stopping my H from coming home. I know that he wants to come home (he is always here), I know that he loves me and still feels connected to us but he just can't take that step ... and then I read this, and it just, well, it just sounds like truth to me.

All relationships are a leap of faith. A willingness to put yourself out there and fail. But, sometimes the past is too heavy and it weighs us down.

I feel for you Steve. For the R to work you have to both be willing to put yourself out there and make yourself vulnerable to it failing. Leap of faith, right?. I can appreciate, after what you've been through that you feel the need to protect your heart. I can't offer much advice - proceed with caution, consider whether you are willing to forgive, and if you are, then commit to forgiving her and put the past behind you, and if not, then what's the point ...

I also wanted to say thank you for all your input to my sitch. It is much appreciated.


W40 (me), H40
M14, Together 16
D12, D9

BD Oct 17
Moved out Mar 18

Joined: Apr 2018
Posts: 603
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Apr 2018
Posts: 603
Hey steve,

I just got caught up on your sitch and see that you have hit a rough patch in the last little while. Having seen you responses to the others I feel you are in good control of your emotions and actions. You come here to help others freely and share your wisdom openly. I feel that you are definitely a man of substance and will be able to navigate these difficult times. My prayers are always with you! Blessings!


M51 w50
T-20Yrs M-16Yrs
S15- mad at W for not trying and giving up
1 Awesum dog
BD 10/31/17
separate rooms 02/08/18
wife moved out 05/17/18

Joined: Jul 2018
Posts: 213
T
TJT Offline
Member
Offline
Member
T
Joined: Jul 2018
Posts: 213
Originally Posted by Phoenix9
Originally Posted by Ready2Change

I can't save every marriage, but if anything I do helps save at least one, I believe the effort is worth it.

You haven't helped save my marriage, R2C. That's TBD.

More importantly, you are a part of the many here on this board who have helped me save my LIFE.

*Insert double crying emoji*


H:39 W:30
M:4 T:9

05/2018: H says "ILYBNILWY", BD
07/2018: Discovered A, confronted
09/2018: PA + other details emerge; H moved out
12/2018: I filed
03/2019: Divorce finalized
Page 10 of 11 1 2 8 9 10 11

Moderated by  Cadet, job, Virginia 

Link Copied to Clipboard