Yeah....Jimmy Chamberlain has overdosed a couple of times I think. They have a new album out that is pretty decent. I fell in love with them in college and it just got amplified even more when I moved to Chicago.
I was off of work yesterday which was much needed, I pretty much feel as if I was hit by a truck and I have actual whiplash I am pretty sure.
M and I had a great weekend together, despite that. It was our first time away together and being together for that long and we both enjoyed it much. We got to the lodge around 11pm and didn't go out or anything. We did enjoy eachother's company though. Up and at em' early Since I had to be at my lesson at 8:45. At which point I realized I forgot all my undergarments at home. No underwear bras or socks. So I re-wore my bra, bought new ski socks, and I won't even tell you what I did about the underwear. We did take a little adventure after the lesson and we got me some underwear and bras.
So, he rode the trails all morning while I got my lesson. I took some pretty nasty falls and it was so cold, that instead of bowder it was like packed and icy. So falls HURT. One time I fell on my back and my head bounced off the ground and that's where the whiplash came in. I did actually have fun, and I imagine when I learn to stop much better, the falls won't be so bad. I had no clue at one point he was watching me and took a video. he caught one of my falls on it. I also fell directly onto my knees, both are very bruised, but luckily no damage beyond that. At noon we had lunch and a lovely much needed drink. Then we went back and napped. We had dinner with his brother who was up there, because his brother shares a house with friends. That was nice. His brother is super sweet and chatty. Then M and I went ot a bar for a little while and hung out.
Unfortunately, he also hurt his back, aggrevated an old injury while snowboarding that day So we both weren't up to par. I did realize that when he is injured, he is a little cranky. He's kind of consumed with it right now. So I am giving him the space.
All in all a good trip despite the pain. We discussed taking our kids to a local indoor waterpark ski resort one weekend. An overnight trip. It's a big step and I am glad he brought it up.
Speaking of bringing things up. Still, no relationship talks. No ILY's. I think I am scarred from initiating either one of these. DB has deterred me from ever having a relationship talk. ILY I am too terrified it won't get returned, even though I believe he does love me. I guess we speak of it in roundabout ways like introducing our kids and the such, because have both discussed what that means to us. A real relationship is scary territory for me. But so worth it in many ways. I wish I could say I felt totally secure, but I don't. Not yet. And that has nothing to do with him. Just me. Scars are still there. I've gotten much better at containing the insecurities and anxiety I get sometimes.
My last week at this job, thank god. I got an email while I was out that really really p!ssed me off and I wrote a reply defending myself, and I never sent it because it wasn't worth it. Four more days to do.
Nah, it doesn't bother me too much. it's a matter of learning to understand how he is in these situations. He distances a little and becomes a little obsessed with it. I know he is upset, because he will take his son snowboarding during the week and he can't until he gets better. I just had to realize not to take anything personally. I validated his feelings. I helped him find a doctor, I told him how much motrin to take, when to ice....
I have to learn to reign in my mommy nurse fix it all tendencies. I want to make everything better. I can't make everything better and he has to deal with it on his own. I'm in the background in a supportive role, lol.
I did do something I wish I hadn't. D11 goes to her dad's tomorrow night. Usually he asks me which day and we make plans. he didn't ask me this time, probably because he wasn't thinking about it coming off a weekend together and his pain. I did mention this morning if he wants me to come over and rub some essential oils on his back if he is up to it tomorrow, I would. He hasn't answered (we had already been conversing, but he probably got busy at work). I should have let him come to me. I am OK if he turns me down though, because I don't think he can think about anything else until he sees the doctor on Thursday.
I'm learning, but yeah, the weekend was great. it was nice to unwind, relax, and have some fun.
Unfortunately, he also hurt his back, aggrevated an old injury while snowboarding that day So we both weren't up to par. I did realize that when he is injured, he is a little cranky. He's kind of consumed with it right now. So I am giving him the space.
When giving childbirth, a Woman can almost imagine the pain a Man endures when he has a cold, let alone a back issue...
I guess my childbirthing gives me a slight idea of what that poor man is enduring.
I will be rubbing eucalyptus oil on his back tonight.
I, on the other hand, decided to hit up cross fit at 6:30 am since there was a school delayed opening. I am sore as F (but actually did some correct clean and jerks!) but I can still feel the areas where I am really bruised.
I shall soldier on, I have a man to take care of.
We stopped in a legal dispensary in MA and I tried to buy some salve, but they were sold out We both could use it right about now.
I have a bulging disk in my back that acts up about every couple of months. No clean and jerks for me. I think once you hit 40 there are certain exercises you eliminate from your rotation.
I have 2 bulging discs, one herniated disc, and some lipoma on my spine that I haven't followed up on along with a knee that has been operated twice on in a year and a half. I am the last person who should be snowboarding or doing clean and jerks. Why I do it? I don't know even know. This morning my whole left side of my body hurts! I am definitely feeling my workout. I think I have to skip tonight. Which I don't want to, but lots of burpees are on deck and I might just throw my darned back out.
I went to M's last night, brought sushi, beer, ecuaplyptus oil in the sub zero temps. I gave him a VERY nice massage and we cuddled and we fell asleep. since my dog is a pup, and crated and still has to go in the middle of the night, I had to leave in the middle of the night. M was OUT. I didn't wake him and he said he went to cuddle me at 5am, and it ended up being his dog, not me, lol. I hated leaving for many reasons. So, I don't know if he is kidding but he seems upset that this pain is making him "old" He is 5 weeks younger than me. I mean, we don't handle body beatings as well anymore. But we are still young! May we fall asleep at 9pm.....
My dog is going to be the death of me. He has this really bad habit of getting into the garbage now and we actually have to tape down the lid. My D is old enough to have some higher end underwear now which I spent a few bucks on and he has eaten most of them. he is CONSTANTLY getting in trouble and he needs eyes on him at all times. I am exhausted and aggrevated and raising a kid was easier. If I would have known, I would have had another baby. I have him signed up for dog training lessons. I need a dog sitter, but he needs to get house broken for that. I want my life back. I am happy D11 is happy (until she is screaming at him) but my freedom is gone when she isn't around. I am hoping he chills out soon and does well with his obedience training. Poor Mommy needs sleep and a break.
I am in the homestretch at work and feel like doing pretty much nothing. The new medical director was aggrevating me at team rounds today, and I realized "who gives a cr@p, I am out!" It's my last team rounds! I've been helping some crying and scared employees and offered to be a reference and help them with job apps. I am fortunate to be out. I have a very full weekend then I begin on Monday. I am taking D11 and her friend to the water park and sunday I have exSIL's superbowl party. I seriously wanted to invite M, but he has met no one from my side yet and my ex husband and his wife and my daughter all at once might be super awkward for him, lol. It's slightly awkward for me when their friends find out who we all are.
sunday I have exSIL's superbowl party. I seriously wanted to invite M, but he has met no one from my side yet and my ex husband and his wife and my daughter all at once might be super awkward for him, lol. It's slightly awkward for me when their friends find out who we all are.
I know exactly what you mean! I am NOT friends with my XH's 1st XW, but because of the girls, I do have to occasionally spend time with her and we do things together as one big family occasionally. We get some weird looks when the girls introduce us both...this is mom and this is step mom. And it gets even weirder when people figure out that neither of us are currently married to the girls' dad. Oh well...........at least you have a good relationship with them. That speaks VOLUMES to D11.
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
Last year I walked in the room and a bunch of my SIL's husbands friends were playing poker with my ex and said "woah, who's that! and my ex said "that's my ex wife!!!" One time he was proud of that. I couldn't be happier that my daughter gets to be completely comfortable around all of us and not feel awkward.
I need a little advice. I swear I am not stiring up drama. I am just having feelings I need to get out.
Full disclosure: I have had some physical changes that shouldn't have happened at once. I went off my AD's, stopped my Xanax for sleep, stopped my nightly wine and sugar. I am a little wacky right now. Couple that with zero sleep, thanks to my dog, lack of the above, I am short on ultra sensitive. I broke down tonight after the dog pulled my plate with leftovers off the counter and covered himself in hoison sauce. I poured a glass of wine. D11 is in the lock hereself in the room stage and be on facetime with her friends. I flipped and took her phone and said she better be where ever that dog is.
Due to my stress and ultra sensitivity, I am having anxiety around M since we got back. Everything went GREAT. Last night was nice too. I felt like he has been a little less communicative than normal, but he really is cranky over his back. It's definitely a part of it. But I get panicky and think he' going to break up with me. Completely irrational. I have so much I want to say to him, R wise, but I don't. I am terrified. We won't even see eachother for another week. The last time I heard from him today was 4pm after his doctors appt.. He was sweet, no prob. The last thing we exchanged was me saying something about how sore I am today after my workout. Not like him not on a kid night.
I am sure I am being ridiculous. This has happened before. And it was unwarranted. I am always just waiting for things to end. So I am sharing here so I can keep a bit of my sanity. I am sure the fact that my last day of work is tomorrow and I start my new job on Monday is contributing. I am feeling a bit needy right now. I don't act it though. I follow by the unresponded to text rule and wait for him to reach out.
Even though he ahows me actions by wanting to move forward by introducing our kids. Part of me needs to hear the words that he is thinking long term and he loves me as I love him.
BTW, I have never kept myself in check so much in an R as I have with him, and it's obviously a good thing. But it's building up a little, but I am scared to have a talk.
We both could use it right about now.