OK here goes I am 62 her 60 both were married over 30 years to other spouses who passed away from cancer..5 kids 5 grandkids between us...Met each other 5 years ago married for 4...She comes to me Thanksgiving and says she wants a divorce..We have a pre nup mutually agreed..She professional gal high profile job attorney in healthcare works very late hours,me retired guy..I know you think she is screwing on the side you think ,,not naieve.. BUT pretty sure not.?? The more I complain about the late hours the more I drive her away..Work seems first relationship second..Many therapy sessions seemingly helping us ?? How do you just decide to make love after months of no love for one night THEN ask me to retreat to my own bed again ?? Crazy.. What else do you need to know or can I tell you ??
Can someone help me understand this ?...Last week after not having sex since late September my potential WAW comes up to me and says lets go make love after sleeping in seperate rooms for over 2 months already ?? It was amazing we both agreed afterward BUT she made it clear to me I am to remain in my seperate room to sleep with no expectation at all going forward to have it happen again so as to not give me any false hopes of reconcilliation ?? Man as a guy thats hard to understand ?? Help me out here..WTF just happened ??
She was horny.
When my wife was WW (chatting to guys online, perusing dating sites, sending nude photos to EA OM), one night early in our sitch we got in an R talk in bed. This is 2-3 weeks AFTER BD, after she told me she didn't want to be married, wanted to move out, get a job and D. Earlier in the conversation she casually mentioned, like she was asking for a glass of water, that she no longer was sexually attracted to me. She said: "I view you like -name omitted-. You are just a guy a know." The guy she mentioned is a very undesirable guy with some problems. I was livid. After I calmed down and the conversation resumed we got onto how she had been sexually unavailable for sometime. I've said it here before but she isn't orgasmic by intercourse alone, never has been. And even other stimulation usually requires mechanical help to achieve orgasm. I had, at least a year prior, in an effort to help things, purchased a device to help with that. I don't want to get graphic but it was designed to be used during intercourse to help her in that regard. We had never used it. She made it clear at the time she wasn't interested. I brought it up in context that there were things we could try, like that "that we never even used."
She said, "Go get it." Now remember, this is minutes after telling me she didn't see me sexually in the least, even comparing me to someone she wouldn't tough with a ten foot pole.
When I mentioned this story during a consultation with another anti-DB author I paid for a counseling session with, this other writer told me "she's probably as horny as -swear word for excrement-!"
So it could be as simple as she was horny.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
By the way, this other author (unfortunately board rules do not allow me to name her or link to her, or even mention her book) has written a couple of books on the phenomenon that is the walkaway spouse. And how biology plays a big role in it. That men sexually peak much earlier in life. 18-22 years old, and if you as a male remember that period, you were a walking sex machine, ready to have sex with anything and everything that walked and was female. Women peak much later in life, some late into their 40s. But that they are very similar. Her book points out that one woman admitted that she couldn't stand to be around her son's 18-20 year old friends because she was extremely sexual attracted to them and it drove her crazy.
Magicman, I am not saying this is what is going on in your marriage, but the point is that sometimes during our marriage our wives sexual appetites are more than ours, or are similar to the way ours were when we were much younger. It can make it difficult to understand.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
OK here goes I am 62 her 60 both were married over 30 years to other spouses who passed away from cancer..5 kids 5 grandkids between us...Met each other 5 years ago married for 4...She comes to me Thanksgiving and says she wants a divorce..We have a pre nup mutually agreed..She professional gal high profile job attorney in healthcare works very late hours,me retired guy..I know you think she is screwing on the side you think ,,not naieve.. BUT pretty sure not.?? The more I complain about the late hours the more I drive her away..Work seems first relationship second..Many therapy sessions seemingly helping us ?? How do you just decide to make love after months of no love for one night THEN ask me to retreat to my own bed again ?? Crazy.. What else do you need to know or can I tell you ??
Has she offered you any reasons why she feels it's time to end things? It seems like you both must be pretty loyal people having each been married 30+ years before, so this does seem odd. Do you think it has anything to do with you being retired and her still working (you mentioned that you complain about her hours)? I've had friends in that situation and it can be quite stressful. Regardless of your response I think what she really needs right now is for you to back off and give her time and space. No more pestering her about her late hours. Remove ALL pressure from her. No R talks. You probably shouldn't be going to MC either, usually the WAS only goes to check off their list of "things I tried to save the M but that just proved it was already over".
LH and Steve are right about the sex, more than likely she just wanted to fill a physical need. It doesn't mean she wants to reconcile. When our MC was trying to figure out why my ex wanted out she asked her if the sex was bad or boring and my ex said no, she really enjoyed it and would like to keep doing it. But she also told the MC she did not want to be married anymore. So yeah, WAS's have a way of disassociating the two.
Thank you Steve I chalked it up to horny also....She wants it to be "compartmentalized" whereby we screw when she wants to and for now irs nothing more than that my therapist told me that also crazy [censored] huh ? Love your device story BTW,,,LOL
My MC calls it "Compartmentalization" ability to just screw,forget about it ,and send ya back to your room...LOL..Give her space thing is exactly what I am doing currently...Yes the retired thing bugs me and her we are just currently only in different places daily and mentally
