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Babe #2909325 11/26/20 12:17 AM
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Dear Everyone,

where ever you are; in what kind of situation, wish you a very good Thanksgiving !
Stay safe and healthy.

Last edited by Babe; 11/26/20 12:18 AM.
Babe #2909355 11/26/20 08:20 PM
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Happy Thanksgiving to you and your family. Stay safe and healthy.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Babe #2920744 07/01/21 01:57 AM
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Dear All,

Hope you all are healthy.

Last year, my life wasn't much effected by covid 19, but this April, there was an outbreak very quick and it spread silently... by mid of May, we are very close to lock-down. Husband thus 'move' home.

He said he wants to stay together till it is contained. He is working from home and that is so annoying. I still go to office three times a week and meantime I have to get meals prepared, I'm feeling that he was not helping at all, I'm pretty upset. I don't know if this is God's will ? He is staying because of the pandemic. Most of the time, we are getting along well but I could lose my patience very easily.

I told myself, work from home and lock down and all the stress here are just temporary.

Last night, he asked me, if he should move out ? I hate it that every time when there is a problem that needs to be fixed, he will just dodge. But I've changed, now I could talk calmly, I said to him, I appreciate if you could help instead of dodging. When there is problem, we learn and we fix it.

He was away from home for six years, moving home, stay together, it requires some time to get use to it, right ?

Babe #2920760 07/01/21 03:58 PM
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Babe,

Count to ten before saying anything. The calmer your voice is, the better. Yes, it is a challenge for both of you when they move home. Unless you are absolutely sure that you want him to move out, do not suggest it. Keep in mind, right now, he is very fragile emotionally and it's going to take a lot of digging deep for you to find your patience.

Try to remain calm when dealing with your man/child. He's still finding his way...while you have done all of the hard work while he's been on the Mother Ship. Now, he needs to figure out how to be an adult once again. Like a child, he will be testing you to see if you have actually changed. Don't take his bait! Continue as you have been for many years and allow him to figure things out.

I don't know if you have read this particular thread, but it may help you a bit.

TMAK - Explanation of Reconnection


Last edited by job; 07/01/21 04:03 PM. Reason: added a link

Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Babe #2920967 07/07/21 03:48 AM
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I did not give up; but thanks to Job and people around.
With the useful knowledge and skills, I be able to move forward, thank you all !!

I acted as an adult, be calm and with great patience. He was furious two or three times after moved home. But he apologized which I think is a good sign.

Thank you for sharing the thread of TMAK (explanation of reconnection), I have read it a while ago, I need it very much at this stage, and I am grateful for this.

Babe #2920970 07/07/21 10:12 AM
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Hi Babe,

6 years in this difficult situation, admirable!

You must have your heart in the right place for sure!

Good luck and I sincerely hope he finds his way back to this world.


Me(45)EXH(44)
M:15 T:18, S19, S16 & S16
04/19-02/20 ILYB & OW1
12/20-08/22 OW2 (+pregnant-his child)
03/22-Divorce official
06/22-08/23 Reconnecting
09/23-possible back with OW2
Babe #2921205 07/11/21 11:39 PM
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Eagle3 smile

look back, it is a long journey.... Go back to the church, learning new language, work as a volunteer, know how to control yourself and be patient. It was painful at the beginning, but I've gained a lot unimaginable and valuable experiences.


'They that sow in tears shall reap in joy' Psalm 126:5

Babe #2921331 07/14/21 12:21 AM
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Till today, husband stays at home for 2 months, this is the longest time after he moved out by May 2015. Although it was caused by the outbreak of covid, the relationship between us is getting better.

He started to talked about his childhood, some parts are revealed that I've never knew even we've been together for 18 years... the terrible marriage of his parents, how his mother treated him. I remind myself - listen to him, do not comment.

We do not know how long it would last - the pandemic; currently we are safe and healthy, thank God for his grace !

Babe #2921338 07/14/21 01:51 AM
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Have loved reading your updates, Babe. It's interesting because your H is so difficult and in some ways like mine, but I kept watching your sitch to see him returning to you, and noticed how different that is. Mine never tried to return and did everything to destroy me and our kids and our home and won't stop. Yours, through all the spiraling and all your patience, somehow did turn his head back toward home. It makes me understand better my situation to see the differences in your H and mine.

You remain of course an angel of light in my mind!


I believe I will see the bounty of the Lord in the land of the living.
Wait for the Lord with courage.
Be stouthearted, and wait for the Lord.
Babe #2921724 07/22/21 12:40 AM
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Gerda, hi !!

Next Monday, our CDC will announce how will we 'down grade' or adjustment of epidemic control; I'll then know if husband will go back to office or keep on working from home or he will leave home again. I'm not too worry, I'll just stay on track and maintain the pace.

You are correct; each one of them is so different but in some way their action are so similar...
There were 15 months or more, every time his month opened, the words from him were mean and negative specifically toward me.

By the way, he started praying with me before lunch/dinner last fall.

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