How is everyone? hope everybody is safe; here in Asia, the outbreak of corona virus is bad.
I read online, it's a mom's note; it says 'Our teens need us to remember, they need us to remember what it was like to feel awkward, uncertain, and self-conscious. They need us to remember the constant battle between wanting to stand out and fit in. They need us to remember their brains are still under construction. They need us to remember all this, because they need us to love them through all this so we can come out on the other side together.'
This had me reminded of the midlife crisis of a man(husband) who's in midlife storm...
Husband had small bursts during new year holiday last month, but instead to me, those bursts were toward his mother.
I don't know if they will eventually reconciled, frankly, it is difficult to get alone with his mother. I keep my politeness but avoided to see her to meet her as much as possible.
How are things in your part of the world? I hope that you and your family are staying safe and healthy.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thank you Job, we are doing good; are told to keep hands clean, wash hands with soap, avoid crowds and confined space. Put on mask when taking bus or metro. A bit stressful though... hope every country will get through this soon. Stay safe my friends !
I'm fairly new to the forum. You have patience and fortitude. Good for you. I am working on detaching and letting God. I didn't even know what that meant really. Been reading up on things. Learning that once I pray to stop fretting, thinking, planning, devising, trying to figure him out... I haven't done that since this all started. I had gotten to the point in my marriage that I felt if my H needed me to know, he'd tell me. But since BD in November, I have been obsessing about what he is thinking, feeling or doing. It's been driving me nuts. Now that I know I have an MLCer on my hands, I realize I need to let it all go. He will do what he will do. He's on his path and it make hurt me, make me feel sometimes like I want to die... but that's his path. I have mine. We may or may not meet again on our paths... but for now, he is still here and hasn't left. So I must do what I want to do and let him do what he needs to do. Prayer is something I have been doing a lot more of... Best to you Babe. Looks like you found something for yourself... learning a new language. Yay!
W (me): 50 H: 46 M: 21 T: 25 S:17 D:15 BD 11/2019
Fate whispers to the warrior, "You can not withstand the storm" And the warrior whispers back, "I am the storm." ~Unknown
Believe6, (((hug))) it was so difficult at beginning ...
I received the speech of - I love you but I'm not in love w/you back in Sep. 2014. I was hit by this out of blue. I thought our marriage was good, life is sweet. But I did not realize things were changing in his mind for 18-24 months after my grandmother passed away by spring of 2012.
Husband did not move out of our apartment till May 2015. I understand your feeling currently. There was time I could not eat, nor sleep, he would come home at middle of night, acting weird, secretly as a teenager. He would blame me for everything and said he made a huge mistake that we were married. literally he really 'hates me'. He had both EA and PA with very young ladies. He was drinking and spending money like crazy.
Threatened me that he will divorced me, begging me to set him free (laugh)
I return to church and I started to read a lot of articles of midlife crisis by summer 2015, later I found this forum, this is a treasure box that you could find so many valuable information and skills. I'm grateful for the help from this forum.
You could love him from distance, detach and start to live the life your own. He would be interesting of what you are doing and how you will handle things, the only thing he cares about is himself. 'you did not break him thus you can not fix him'.
He has to spend great deal of time in finding the 'cure' of his childhood issue.
Don't have to tell other people and family of both sides of how he's acting, come here, vent !
By 2016, I became volunteer and enrolled language class. 2017 He started coming home every weekend. Warming up slowly...
Please take care, pray that God Reigns !!
me 46 / husband 44 married 2006, no kids BD Sep.2014 Moved out May.2015
Babe, Thank you for the reminder... I didn't break him so I can't fix him. Yes, so true. It seems like such a long road and you are so brave and patient. I pray for patience in this. I don't want another marriage. If this doesn't work out, although I pray every day it will and in my heart I believe it can, I will learn to live my life on my own. I have a great set of friends. Two or three ladies who I can go to with my struggles.
I agree too that here's a good place to vent and just listen to my own thoughts. I am glad I have somewhere that feels safe and where I know others have experienced both sides of this--- R and D. Either is an option... but so is the final one... death. Not that I will do anything.
I read in a forgiveness book that we often don't think about the fact that our partner could and will pass. We think we have all the time in the world. And that the only way we can lose our partner is through D at this middle stage. But really we have many ways to lose our partner.
They could stay and be a stranger to us. They could leave and be a friend to us again. They could return and we could be better than ever. They could pass on.
Either way, this journey is about us. It's about who we want to be in the world and the life we want to forge. It's about learning to face ourselves and the life we've built and to decide if it's the one we really wanted.
I know my life wasn't perfect. But it felt pretty darn close. But now, I get to make it even better. I get to become even stronger, more compassionate, less driven, more available, happier, healthier, wiser, and may even more free.
Have a great day, Babe!
W (me): 50 H: 46 M: 21 T: 25 S:17 D:15 BD 11/2019
Fate whispers to the warrior, "You can not withstand the storm" And the warrior whispers back, "I am the storm." ~Unknown
Grace, Gerda, DNJ, Believe6, Job and Everyone, I hope you are all safe and healthy. I'm doing good, life and work, even my language class are going on normally.
