I do appreciate the help here, but im not here to be called a liar or have my mental health brought into question by people who dont know me.
My posts, which are likely to be infrequent, will take a different tone moving forward.
I am not here to have people who dont know me to tell me what i think and feel. Nor am i here to give people the opportunity to dictate to me whats going on in MY heart and head.
M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4 All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18 ----------------------------------------------------- 2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD 2 Major breakups. 2 Rebounds
Had a good relaxing weekend with Mary. Took a much needed few days to just sleep in, relax and wait out the storm we had.
S3 came back on Sunday being very very temperamental, and this persisted all through today.
He seems to get really emotional and easily upset after weekends away from me. HE tells me he wants to be a family again, and its our turn to live at “Redhome” again. I had to explain we are done there, and we cannot go back. But I told him Daddy and S3 will be getting our own new place soon. He was excited about that.
DCYF has contacted EXW several times, left multiple voicemails. She isn’t answering them or returning their calls.
I am becoming more concerned about S3’s emotional wellbeing. I think my next move might be to request temporary full custody pending a hearing. I will also be requesting psych evaluations for myself and EXW through the courts.
It’s the only way to ensure S3 is being taken care of 100%.
M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4 All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18 ----------------------------------------------------- 2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD 2 Major breakups. 2 Rebounds
One of my less than informed friends decided it would be a good idea to send me a photo of EXW from her recent vacation with OM. I promptly told them not to do that again. He had sent it and asked, “wait…what happened to you two…? I noticed she hasn’t posted anything about you in ages and has been dropping these vacation posts and whatnot. What’s the deal?” She still apparently doesn’t post about OM, but I hadn’t talked to this friend in some time.
The photo looked like she had fun, and despite knowing any “public display” of her life is inherently false, it still pissed me off. The fact that it did tells me a lot. A lot about lingering detachment issues. I don’t pine for her or miss her anymore, but things like this still have the ability to trigger me into anger, and I don’t like that. This hasn’t happened in a long time and it really makes me mad at myself. The fact that seeing her having fun while on a vaca OM is enough to trigger a response of anger proves there is still power there.
Knowing she would literally place our child in the hands of a predator is enough. Knowing the lies, manipulations, and constant need for online approval should be more than enough for my self-respect to override any leftover feelings of hurt and pain, any feelings of missing out, being screwed over or getting the raw deal. But it doesn’t. and that makes me very mad at myself. What’s it going to take for me to experience true indifference?
I have spent so much time and energy focusing on S3, myself, and Mary, that I thought I had really moved past these angry responses.
Silver lining: it took SIGNIFICANTLY, less time for me to abate this anger. Like I got up from my desk, went outside for a smoke (still haven’t quit ) and calmed myself down. I repeated “its fake, she’s fake, it’s all for show” over and over to myself several times. It seemed to work. Thankfully tonight is D&D night and I can crawl into the persona of a Sorcerer for the evening.
Still FLABERGHASTED she is ignoring DCYF.
I feel bad for S3. He has to go there to be ignored more tonight, tomorrow night. He comes back from his weekends with her a temperamental emotional wreck. Hissy fits at the drop of a hat. After he’s been with me for a few days he’s fine. Then I have to send him to her, and the cycle begins again. This Sun-Tues was particularly bad. It makes me wonder if she takes her frustrations out on him through emotional abuse. The fact that I filed a PPO against her Dad and contacted DCYF is more than enough to trigger her criticism and fury, and the fact that S3 had one of the worst weeks in memory right after that happened and he was with her for the weekend is not lost on me.
Things with Mary are going well still. We had an awesome weekend. She continues to be super supportive, caring and understanding.
M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4 All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18 ----------------------------------------------------- 2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD 2 Major breakups. 2 Rebounds
Use that bad energy to reinforce your work on yourself and being the lighthouse for S3. A coworker showed me a photo of OW a few days ago. I have my mind trained to evade certain zones...but it was hard to stop my mind games. And I just did a half second look at it. When I recognize who it was I quickly turned my head away. But it was too late. I saw her...As Steve says it’s about willingness and commitment. So here I am. Older but stronger.
You are stronger as time goes by. Keep the pace O!
WW H(me): 53 W: 48 T: 27 M: 22 S: 18 Piecing since 03/2016 Saw the light in the storm
Neff, thanks for asking. Here Is an update thus far.
Regarding DCYF: She never answered them or had a meeting with them. She has the right to refuse those in my state unless DCYF gets a court order to force said meeting, which they did not. The DCYF rep. told me that my report is 100% valid, and even alarming, but as there in no evidence S3 has been directly abused by FIL there isn’t any action he / they can take. He did inform me to link the case with my hearing at the county court, which I did.
Regarding Court / Divorce: I have a hearing on Thursday regarding the protective order against FIL. Last week, FIL’s lawyer called me to let me know he was representing FIL, and was “looking into” representing EXW. He asked if I would agree to a continuance of the hearing scheduled for Thursday. I declined, and said I would prefer to keep the hearing scheduled for the date the court already set. He didn’t sound pleased.
Then, this weekend I got a letter from the court informing me that unless either party files any objections within the next 10 days, that our divorce will be final on the 2nd week of Dec. No further DIVORCE hearings scheduled at this time. Only the one this Thursday to discuss the protective order.
**I know I may sound crazy, but yet again, the “premonition” struck again. Thursday of last week I was very anxiety ridden at work, very very strong “Stomach Twisty” feelings, almost cried at my desk, and so on. Yet again with no preceding event or any real reason to be feeling that way. it persisted pretty much all day at work, subsided when I was headed home. The next day I got the call from FIL’s lawyer. EXW and FIL were at the lawyers office the day before, when I was feeling the heavy heavy anxiety. I am not a spiritual person, but this Is now the 5th or 6th time I have had foreboding feelings of anxiety and “gut instinct” only to have a major development in the divorce occur a day or two later. I honestly feel like I can sense when she Is worked up, angry, upset, or otherwise emotional about us/divorce/affair etc. I had no way of knowing the Lawyer call was coming, but yet my body seemed to sense it. the same thing happened a few months ago with her response to one of the divorce documents. I have never believed in premonitions, or anything spiritual or anything, but this has happened way too many times to be coincidental. I know how loopy this sounds, but im just explaining things as I experience them.
Regarding S3: His behavior has still been pretty bad the past few weeks, although yesterday was better than the last time I picked up him from her house. So pretty much the same here. He is doing well enough, is excited for Winter (his favorite season!)
Regarding OrangeK: I am doing mostly good. Living with my brother and his wife is getting taxing, it’s a tiny house, so we are fairly cramped. I have fallen off my exercising for the last few months, basically since I moved in with my brother in July. I need to start sweating daily again, same with diet stuff. Ive been eating like crap lately. Gotta fix that too. Mary is off with her family on a vacation, but things continue to go well with her. Its refreshing to start to trust someone again. We’ve been seeing eachother 2 months now. Im likely going to meet her family sometime soon. Id like her to meet S3, but no rush on that.
M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4 All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18 ----------------------------------------------------- 2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD 2 Major breakups. 2 Rebounds
Glad you are moving on. Keep doing that, get back to exercise and the healthy food. Remember you are a role model for S3. Children are like sponges, they absorb everything.
Time to pay a visit to the gastroenterologist...;)
Stay strong O!
WW H(me): 53 W: 48 T: 27 M: 22 S: 18 Piecing since 03/2016 Saw the light in the storm
Its not a muscular or internal feeling. Its 100% emotional energy. Ive tried to find explinations for it. I cant come up with anything but spiritual. 3 times establishes pattern. We are at 6x.
M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4 All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18 ----------------------------------------------------- 2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD 2 Major breakups. 2 Rebounds
Is her lawyer even allowed to talk to you when your lawyer is not present? Where i live, they are not allowed to do so. Talk to your lawyer. Your case is high conflict. Its not amicable where you can let things go.
What is being advised to keep FIL away from your son?
The divorce process is traumatizing and emotional. Sure there is gut feelings and premonitions. But it also brings out a lot of anxiety.
) and calmed myself down. I repeated “its fake, she’s fake, it’s all for show” over and over to myself several times. It seemed to work. Thankfully tonight is D&D night and I can crawl into the persona of a Sorcerer for the evening.