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Davide,

What I meant by deserving better is that I deserve better than trying to convince her to love me. I won't beg her, or any other woman to love me. The work I've done has never been for her. I'm not interested in talking her in to coming back and I'm not interested in returning to the relationship we had before BD. If she does reach out to me some day, I will have a difficult choice to make, but at this point I have nothing to hold on to but my love for her. I haven't, and won't pursue her. My focus is on healing and continuing to rebuild a great life for my son and myself.


Me: Late 30s WW: Late 30s
M: 12
S: 7
BD: Late April '18 (Wife left next day)
OM confirmed: July '18 (20+ years older)

The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. - Psalms 34:18
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Originally Posted by DB346
Davide,

What I meant by deserving better is that I deserve better than trying to convince her to love me. I won't beg her, or any other woman to love me. The work I've done has never been for her. I'm not interested in talking her in to coming back and I'm not interested in returning to the relationship we had before BD. If she does reach out to me some day, I will have a difficult choice to make, but at this point I have nothing to hold on to but my love for her. I haven't, and won't pursue her. My focus is on healing and continuing to rebuild a great life for my son and myself.

This is perfect. As much as what you are going through right now $ucks, you are in a really good place. Right where you need to be. You may not see it right now, but in the future you will look back and know what I mean. Keep your head up, brother. You got this...


Me: 38
W:31
Kids: S16(mine from previous R), D10, S9, S4
M: 10 years
T:12 years
BD:Jan 3, 2018
W moved out: Apr 13,2018
Filed for D: Jun 2018
D final: Sep 2019

"Surrender to the Flow"...
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Sounds like you are in a great place DB!


W 34 Me 42
Married 7 years together 8
0 kids 1 beloved dog
BD 4/6/2018
I moved out 4/7/2018
I moved back in alone 8/05/2018
I file 3/06/2019
D official 5/7/2019
Joined: Jun 2018
Posts: 89
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DB346 Offline OP
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I don't feel like I'm in a great place. I miss her terribly and not seeing my son every day is breaking my heart. 2018 has been the hardest and most painful year of my life. While I wish there was something I could say or do to make her realize what she is losing, to realize that this is a mistake, I know that I don't have any control over her.

I don't want this divorce, but she is already gone. Nothing I do or say is going to bring her back.


Me: Late 30s WW: Late 30s
M: 12
S: 7
BD: Late April '18 (Wife left next day)
OM confirmed: July '18 (20+ years older)

The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. - Psalms 34:18
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DB,
I get exactly what you are saying. My SIL got married today....and I’m just now seeing FB pics of the wedding and my W and S all over the place. And there’s a distinct place left vacant where I should/could be. I can’t concern myself with it.

I’m pissed to no avail to miss half my S childhood for W “happiness”

Just continue DB and practice patience.


Me - 38 W-37
S6
M 10 years T 13yrs
BD 3/18
W moves out 4/18
W files 7/18

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Hi DB3. How are things going?


WW H(me): 51
W: 47
T: 26 M: 21
S: 16
Piecing since 03/2016
Saw the light in the storm
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DB346 Offline OP
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Thanks for checking in Neffer. Things are pretty much the same. W and I still don't ever see each other, and only "speak" via text message very sparingly about logistics with our son. The judge's order finally got signed, and she obviously misunderstood what he said at the trial 6 weeks ago, so she was "surprised" by what the custody arrangement is, so she's being pretty petty about things like not letting our son go to church with me on "her Sundays". This is something we have agreed to since she left nearly 7 months ago, but now she's pulling that back, seemingly just because she can...because her reason didn't make any sense.


Me: Late 30s WW: Late 30s
M: 12
S: 7
BD: Late April '18 (Wife left next day)
OM confirmed: July '18 (20+ years older)

The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. - Psalms 34:18
Joined: May 2018
Posts: 953
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DB

But how are YOU doing?


W 34 Me 42
Married 7 years together 8
0 kids 1 beloved dog
BD 4/6/2018
I moved out 4/7/2018
I moved back in alone 8/05/2018
I file 3/06/2019
D official 5/7/2019
Joined: Jun 2018
Posts: 89
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DB346 Offline OP
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Originally Posted by Davide
DB

But how are YOU doing?


Honestly, I'm hurting. I thought having my son every other weekend and just getting a couple hours on Tuesday and Thursday after work was bad, but with that schedule she was letting me see him for a little bit on "her Sunday" too, so I could take him to church...but, now with the judge's order signed, she's holding to it strictly and isn't going to give me ANY time with him other than the Wednesday overnights and every other weekend that the judge gave me. That means that every other week (when it's "her weekend"), I won't see him for a full week straight, AND he will only be in church when he's with me every other weekend.

I want to believe that she isn't doing this just to hurt me, but I know that she KNOWS she's hurting me. If things were ordered the other way around, there is no way I would ever treat her the same way.

All of that being said, I realize that this is only temporary. I'm not going to beg her to change her mind, and I'm not going to try to make her understand how much she's hurting me (and our son for that matter). I can go back to the way things were at any time, because that is the way SHE wants it. I just have to decide whether I want to keep fighting, or if I can be OK with continuing the way the last 6-7 months have gone for the next 10 years.


Me: Late 30s WW: Late 30s
M: 12
S: 7
BD: Late April '18 (Wife left next day)
OM confirmed: July '18 (20+ years older)

The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. - Psalms 34:18
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