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black8 Offline OP
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Thanks DnJ. My kids are good. My next trip will be in a month solo with 4kids. I got this.

#2816789 10/10/18 07:18 PM
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black8 Offline OP
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Hello, I’ve noticed my wife is responding to my emails with more and more unreasonable asks, not calling me back when I call to speak with the kids, etc. This seems to have been occurring more and more as I detach successfully more and more. Any thoughts why this happens in a MLC?

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Well, they don't WANT you but they would LIKE you to stay put WAITING for them JUST IN CASE they change their mind. MLCers never like it when the LBS stops being their Plan B.

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I agree with KML. That is one possibility. Another angle to consider is a need for control.

MLCers have a mind that's racing 100 miles per hour because they are trying to make sense of all the garbage spinning in their head.

It's possible there is some element in your W's existence that's beyond her control right now (work, family, finances, etc.) She may be trying to compensate by trying to control you...or give her the sense that she is.

Just remember to STFU and let her ramble. I am doing great at that now. The more I keep my calm and remain quiet - the more my XW rambles. They reveal more than they intend to.


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job Offline
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I have merged your two threads together. Please stick to one thread until you have reached the 100 posting/reply limit. You can change your thread title at any time within a thread. Thanks!


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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black8 Offline OP
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Thanks Brubeck and kml. Good insight. I also think it is trying to justify their decision to leave the marriage. I feel at times this is one giant mind game. My wife does not talk to me at all. Only through email.

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DnJ Online
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Hello black8.

I think the MLCer feel they are being mastermind manipulators, my W recalled her well thought out and calculated plan to leave me and kids. Once they let go and jump into fantasy mode and run, they don’t realize how poor their further attempts are - like a child thinking they are getting away with something, it is written all over them. A giant mind game indeed.


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black8 Offline OP
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Very interesting perspective, DnJ. Wife just informed me she is working on divorce decree but said she had no specific timeline in place to finalize divorce. Any thoughts on this? Is it common to not have a timeline and how much should I push for closure?

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Some of them will start the process for a divorce and then drop it and others will push it through in a hurry. Unfortunately, if you pick up the reins and push, it will be on you to complete the process. Is there any reason that you want to push it through? Black, you won't get closure with a divorce. Yes, you will end your marriage, but when crisis people do such things to the LBS, closure is not the same "closure" you get when someone passes away. Why? Because you will not get clear answers to the why they walked away.

If you can hold out a while longer, I would do so...unless it is because of a financial reason or you've moved on totally and do not want to contemplate a possible reconciliation down the road. There is no guarantee that she'll wake up, but there are also no guarantees in life...it's your call as to whether to push it through or not. If you aren't sure, then sit quietly for a bit and the answers will reveal themselves. As the old saying goes, if you aren't sure, then don't.

Just my two cents.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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black8 Offline OP
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Great questions, Job. Thank you. I was not planning to push it through. I told her I would respond ASAP to her information requests so she can finalize the divorce sooner rather than later. I am ensuring she drives the train, and will not stand in the way. I just do not understand why she is just drafting things and says she has no timeline.

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